DEAR ABBY: I'm a twice-divorced woman who has no children. I was raised by two deeply religious parents (now deceased) who attended church every Sunday and took me along. I regularly attended church until 15 years ago. At that time, my dad was dying, and I was dating a man I often had brunch and spent time with on Sundays. That man and I broke up 2 1/2 years ago.

I've recently started thinking I should start back to church. I went once about six weeks ago but haven't returned. I keep finding excuses not to go, such as I can't get up early enough on Sunday morning, or I like spending time at home with my cats, or I'm too tired after working all week, etc. I keep wondering how much of my guilt over not going is because of how I was raised, or if it's just that I think I should go.

Is it a sin not to go to church? I've never stopped believing in God, I pray and read the Bible occasionally, and I read a daily devotion every morning. This has me so confused. Please advise. -- OUT OF CHURCH IN TENNESSEE

DEAR OUT: People attend religious services for various reasons. Some do it because it's how they were brought up or because they enjoy the sense of community and the sermon. Others do it because they want to be seen.

Some churches have strict doctrine, while others are not bound to rigid dogma. In some denominations it may be considered a sin not to go. However, I don't think you should force yourself to attend a religious service for any reason other than you think you need it. If you believe in God and read a daily devotion every morning, it may be enough for you.

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced from "Joanna" for 30 years, but we remained friends and have two children. I met my girlfriend, "Debbie," 20 years ago, but seven years went by before we dated. Debbie is 20 years younger than I. She wanted kids and I did not, so she moved on with another man.

After a couple years of living alone, and after the death of Joanna's boyfriend, I allowed Joanna to rent a bedroom in my house. (I needed the money.) A few years later, Debbie and I ended up back together. Debbie wanted to move in, so she did.

Now that we have all lived together for a couple years, the only problem we have is Debbie's attitude about Joanna, who happens to be very pleasant. (Joanna keeps to herself, in her room.) Debbie also has a bad attitude when my kids visit. She makes them feel uncomfortable. I love Debbie, but she is making a simple life difficult for no good reason. What do you advise? -- ONE OF THREE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ONE: Tell Debbie that Joanna is renting a room in your house because you need the money. Tell her that you don't like the fact that she makes your kids feel uncomfortable when they visit. Unless she can manage an immediate 180-degree attitude adjustment, she has to leave. Set a date and then stick to it.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter won't allow me to have a relationship with my toddler grandson without constantly interfering. Everything is "no." She says things like: "Don't bring him a toy every time you come over -- no more toys. No TV. Don't play the (kids) music too loud. No, he cannot go outside; there are bugs or it's too hot. Don't give him milk now. Don't give him a snack."

I have to ask her permission for everything, and it is so stressful. When I tell her, "But you buy him toys," she responds, "Well, I'm the mother." It seems almost bizarrely competitive. She's exhausting. Does she have the right to disrupt my relationship with my only grandchild in this way? -- CONTROLLED GRANDMA IN FLORIDA

DEAR GRANDMA: I'm afraid she does. Not knowing your daughter, I can't explain why she is determined to prevent you from spoiling your grandson. Perhaps she fears that he will love you more than he loves her. Whatever her reason, if you want to have a relationship with that child, you are going to have to accept her "house rules."

DEAR ABBY: My son is hosting a reception for 30 guests at his home for his daughter's (my granddaughter's) wedding. It will be a professionally catered sit-down dinner complete with a professional bartender. In your opinion, what is the protocol for tipping a bartender who will be paid handsomely by the company who employs him? The company is charging my son a steep hourly rate.

Some think it is fine for this employee to have a tip jar at the bar. Others say it would be "tacky" to expect family and friends to tip above and beyond what my son is already paying, plus tipping him privately. Please share your wisdom so we can put this unpleasant subject to rest. -- ALREADY PAYING ENOUGH IN NEVADA

DEAR ALREADY PAYING: The reception is a private event. The bartender is being compensated ("handsomely" or not) by the company that employs him. Your son will also be tipping him. I wholeheartedly agree with the others who have told you a tip jar would be "tacky."

DEAR ABBY: When I take something to a potluck, I assume any leftovers stay with the host unless they are offered to people to take home. Sometimes, there's so much food at a potluck that some of the contributions are barely touched.

I have spent time and money preparing food and I hate to see it thrown away. Would it be weird, rude or socially uncool to ask to take my contribution home with me if it's not perishable? -- HATES WASTE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR HATES WASTE: If your contribution to the potluck is barely touched, it would not be weird, rude or socially unacceptable to ask your hosts if you can take it home with you. But do offer to leave a portion for them if they wish.

DEAR ABBY: I am a teacher. I love my job, and I love my students. However, as I near the end of my 26th year of teaching, there's something I need to get off my chest. At the end of every school year, many parents ask me to write a personal note to their student as an inscription in a certain children's book. They request this of all of their kids' teachers, then give the book as a graduation gift. It's a cute idea, but what it amounts to is a large stack of paperwork at a time of the school year when I'm already drowning in paperwork.

I'm writing this to say publicly: Please stop! Parents, I love your kids, and I did my best to teach them and make sure they had a wonderful year. I tried to instill in them a passion for learning and a love of reading. I also helped them to navigate tricky social situations and move forward as wiser people. I am not saying this to pat myself on the back, I'm doing it to let you know I have already given your kids my all. Before you demand that I perform an extra task for you, multiply that task by 25 and imagine what that means for me at an extremely stressful and busy time of year. If you appreciate what I did for your child, please show your appreciation by not laying extra work on me at the end of the school year. Thanks, Abby. -- ALREADY OVERWHELMED IN NEW YORK

DEAR ALREADY OVERWHELMED: I'm printing your letter to parents, however, some of them may miss my column today. That is why I am suggesting that the answer to your problem may be as simple as sending a message in advance to these well-meaning parents, reminding them that this is a stressful time of year for you and please not to ask.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with a man for 25 years. The first few years were wonderful, but then he turned to drugs and became a different person. I can't get away from him. I work two jobs to support us. He doesn't respect me. I have asked him to leave repeatedly. He refuses. I leave it at that so as to avoid rocking the boat, because he can be a jerk. I'm ready to pack up and move, but everything here is mine. What should I do? -- OUT THE DOOR IN THE EAST

DEAR OUT: Schedule an appointment with an attorney to discuss your problem. You should no longer support your drug-addicted abuser because by doing so, you have become his enabler. If you feel he presents a danger to you or your property, file a police report and ask for a restraining order. With their help, you may finally be able to pry him out of your home. If you are afraid that he will retaliate, install a security system. For further suggestions, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or thehotline.org.