DEAR ABBY: Our 20-year-old son works full time and lives with us. He doesn't do any household chores or pay us anything, not even his car insurance (which he agreed to pay). He then moved his girlfriend in, and after that a dog, without permission. He has anxiety and depression issues, which he thinks he's treating with marijuana.

When we try to approach him about his plans for the future, helping out at home or paying anything, it becomes a screaming match with him punching the walls. How do we handle this without a fight? I mean, we could kick them out, but we're afraid he'll then move to a bad neighborhood. He's angry because his friends got to go to college, yet he showed ZERO interest and didn't have the grades. Your thoughts would be appreciated. -- EXASPERATED MOM IN TEXAS

DEAR MOM: Do you want your son to continue to live with you in perpetuity and not assume any responsibility for the privilege? If the answer is yes, continue doing nothing. If the answer is no, then it's time you and your husband finally assert yourselves.

Tell your son that by now he should have saved enough money from his job for a down payment on an apartment for him, his girlfriend and his dog. Give him a deadline to move. If he has to live in a less desirable neighborhood, so be it. When he starts punching the walls, tell him to stop immediately and, if he doesn't, call the police. You will be doing all of you a favor.

P.S. Unless your son has been using marijuana with a doctor's prescription, he is breaking the law in Texas by using it to self-medicate.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my early 30s and have decided to lead a child-free life. I think having a kid in the current state of affairs (rising costs, social injustices, crime, global warming, etc.) is unkind and irresponsible. But I'm worried that I won't have anyone to look after me if (or when) I am immobilized due to age. What are your thoughts? -- WORRIED MILLENNIAL

DEAR MILLENNIAL: Oh, I am SO glad you asked me that! Having a child hoping it will guarantee that you will have someone to care for you in your old age is not old age insurance. There are no guarantees, as anyone who has read my column for any length of time can attest. As you grow older, it will be up to you to provide for your old age by consulting an attorney or a financial planner to ensure you have enough assets in place to assure you will receive the help you think you will need.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I file taxes together every year. I work, and he does as well. But when we get the tax refund, he never gives me a dime. How should I feel or what should I do about this? -- STILL WAITING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR STILL WAITING: If you are working and contributing financially, then you should be entitled to some of that refund. That your husband would refuse to share with you is selfish and controlling. How should you feel? The words frustrated and angry come to mind. What is he doing with the refund money? Could he be applying it to next year's taxes? What you should "do about" it depends upon how assertive you are willing to be.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 38 years. We have three adult children and four grandchildren. I have always wondered whether I have stayed in the marriage out of obligation and/or because I got a young woman pregnant. I have on many occasions asked myself if I should have ended it and continued on with my life after the first child was born. I have tolerated the lifestyle I created and would like some advice from someone who has heard about a lot of circumstances. -- UNSETTLED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR UNSETTLED: A divorce at this point will disrupt the family unit you created and have nurtured all these years. Would it be worth the pain and expense involved? Once you have your "freedom," what do you plan to do with it? Some discussions with a licensed counselor may help you gain perspective. Compiling a list of reasons why you should stay married and all of your reasons for wanting out would be helpful, too. Set it aside for a few days, review it and it may give you some insights. No one's life is perfect, but if you are truly unhappy, it should never be too late to make a change.

DEAR ABBY: I hope you can shed some light on my problem. I swear -- a lot. It's been this way off and on most of my life. I was raised in a household in which swearing was common. Through the years, I managed to curb myself around children, but I find as I age that it's getting worse. I conditioned myself to use other words in the past, but now that I'm in a new community, it has returned full blast. What, if anything, can be done to eliminate this from my speech? Hypnosis? I'm willing to learn anything that would help. -- CURSED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR CURSED: It might help if you try to zero in on the underlying conditions that have made your old habit return. Could the move to the new community with all the adjustments involved be the cause? People sometimes swear when they are upset or in a situation that makes them nervous. If that's true in your case, learning to lower your stress level could help you manage your problem.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost four months. Recently, we have been talking about trying to tell my mom about it. The problem is, back when we were in grade school, he said something hurtful to me and she found out. Because of it, she started to hate him. My friends and I have all seen that he's changed and that he is trying. What should I do? -- MORE GROWN UP IN MISSOURI

DEAR MORE GROWN UP: What you should do is take it slowly. Do not suddenly announce to your mother that this boy is your boyfriend. Start by casually mentioning the difference you and your friends have noticed in him, that he seems to be trying to be a better person and how much he has changed for the better. Because people usually socialize in groups, it shouldn't surprise her that he has become part of the group. Save the announcement about a relationship for a month or two, and it may be less of a shock for her.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I married 20 years ago. We have a blended family of eight kids, but it's just us now. Our kids are scattered across the country. Over all these 20 years, we have never taken a vacation just for us. We have always visited family.

Now, after scrimping, saving and planning, our dream trip is finally happening. We are visiting Disneyland! Problem is, our youngest just relocated to L.A. I bought tickets, scheduled tours and reserved meals for just the two of us. But my husband has included our son in everything now -- all park visits, dinners, etc. Don't get me wrong -- I love my kids, but this was supposed to be "our" time.

I agreed to one dinner with our son, but other than that, we are on our own. My husband wants to include him in everything because he lives close by. Now my husband says he doesn't want to go at all. He insists that our son partake in everything we do, but I want this trip to be about us. We deserve this! How do I convince him that we need this trip? -- DISAPPOINTED IN OHIO

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: You shouldn't have to convince your husband to follow through on your dream vacation. He should have consulted you before inviting your son and telling him he will be included in everything. You wrote that you scrimped and saved for years to afford this vacation. How does he intend to pay for all those extra expenses for a third person? If your husband doesn't want an experience "just for the two of you," allow me to suggest it may be time to schedule something just for yourself. You have earned it.

DEAR ABBY: I was engaged to my husband for three years before we got married. A little more than a year ago, he was told that he had two years to live. Six months later, we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary, and 10 days after that, he passed away.

I have met a man who is two years younger than I am who makes me laugh again. I feel like a schoolgirl when I'm around him. He wants to be a roommate, live with me and sleep upstairs. I sleep downstairs, but I don't know if I should let him or not. Advice? -- FEELING A BIT SCARED IN INDIANA

DEAR FEELING: Would this man be paying you rent and buying food, or would you be picking up the tab? If all he wants is to be your platonic roommate, but you are physically attracted to him, I recommend against proceeding with the arrangement. You would find it increasingly painful and frustrating, and when you finally had had enough pain and frustration, you might have to hire an attorney to help you get him out. What seems attractive now could be a huge pain in the posterior, and I guarantee it wouldn't leave you laughing. Keep things as they are until the relationship becomes more defined.