DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 56 years. For the past year or so, we quarrel about everything -- major issues and minor, insignificant things. There is nothing but bickering, disagreement and conflict. We can have a couple of good days and then fight over some small issue, or an innocent response or comment from one of us -- and in seconds, we're arguing.

Several major issues are instant triggers, but there's also resentment, hurt feelings, and awful things we've said to each other. I think we still love each other, but I don't think we like each other very much.

We both feel a mediator is what we need, someone to hear both sides and make a judgment as to whose position is more valid. We have tried to find one -- not a therapist or marriage counselor. We've done some research only to find therapists who specialize in drug addiction, young couples and dysfunctional families, and they are all younger than our grown children.

We need someone who is at least 55, experienced and trained to listen to both sides of an issue, and who can be objective without actually taking sides and give us a solution or opinion on how we can work through the issues amicably. How do we go about this? -- TRYING TO FIX IT IN THE WEST

DEAR TRYING: I admire that you two are trying to resolve your marital difficulties, and that you recognize that you need help. What you need is a marriage and family therapist. Ask your doctor to refer you to some who are licensed and preferably older. Interview several and see which one you and your husband are comfortable talking to. The input you are looking for is within their purview, particularly because you are looking for compromise.

DEAR ABBY: I am a senior man living next door to a slightly older woman. We live in lakefront homes and enjoy being active together in the water during our retirement years. Recently, I was looking out the window and saw an alligator swimming by about 50 yards away. Alligators are almost unknown in our part of the lake, but they are known to live in the area.

Should I tell my neighbor that I saw an alligator, which will cause her so much fear that she may never want to swim again? If she does continue to swim, will she dwell so heavily on the danger that I will have ruined any remaining joy she gets from being in the water? On the other hand, if I don't tell her, she could be placing herself in danger. Obviously, I would miss my friend and feel terrible if anything happened to her. Please advise. -- VIGILANT IN TEXAS

DEAR VIGILANT: Which is more important? Your neighbor's life or her swimming? If you don't warn her about what you saw, and she loses a toe, a foot, an arm or her life, how will you feel then? Please ... speak up!

P.S. Do YOU plan to continue swimming where there are alligators? Think! YOU could be bitten, too.

DEAR ABBY: I am approaching retirement age (62), and although I would like to start a second career, I am discovering that no one wants to hire "Grandma." I was so distraught last week after another failed interview that I threatened to give away my scrubs and deleted the job vacancy announcements from my email account.

I cannot speak directly to prospective employers because everything is done by computer these days, and the computer is very specific in what it will take. I deleted work dates on my resume, but one company I interviewed with specifically asked me about them. I am trying to break into the veterinary industry. I have volunteered previously, starting at the bottom, while working a full-time job. I am at my wits' end. Is youth really what they are after? -- ASPIRING WORKER

DEAR WORKER: In some cases, younger workers have an advantage over older ones because of ageist hiring practices. If you had a good relationship with the staff at the veterinary practice you volunteered with, consider discussing your problem with them and ask if they can offer any insight.

It might also be worth your while to contact your county department of senior services to ask for information about older adult employment opportunities. You may not be able to get your dream job, but you might be able to get something in a related field.

DEAR ABBY: Both my parents had birthdays days apart and near a holiday. About 35 years ago, they started a tradition of having an elaborate party on or near their birthdays. My siblings and I were grown. The guests were their friends, and we were mostly bored out of our minds. As we married and had kids, we were invited to our own friends' holiday parties but were made to feel extremely guilty if we tried to skip our parents' party. The older they got, the more they expected us to set up, cook and tear down.

Dad got sick a couple of years ago and recently passed. The parties continued even though Dad could barely stay awake. Mom, age 85, still insists on keeping it going. Fewer guests are attending due to age-related issues. Some can no longer drive. The problem is, we do all the work. One sibling lives in another state, and it's a long trip to come and work the whole time. Their spouse also has health issues.

My siblings and I feel we are done holding such a big event every year. Actually, we're just done, period. How do we approach our mom about it? -- DONE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR DONE: I assume that you and your siblings plan to do something with your aged mother on her special day. Tell her via a group or in-person chat that you love her, but the annual birthday bash cannot continue because it has become too much for you, considering that you all have responsibilities to your own families. As long as the occasion is celebrated, it shouldn't matter how "grand" it is. Because her crowd of friends has diminished, perhaps lunch at a restaurant and a birthday cake would be manageable.