DEAR ABBY: My father and stepmother have a vacation home in another state, and they invite us to visit every year. The problem is, the sofa bed in the guest room is so uncomfortable that it's impossible to sleep. However, they think that the bed is great because other guests have told them that. I find it hard to believe that the other guests meant it. I assume they were just being polite.

We have to fly to get to the vacation home, so it's not possible to visit only for the day. The situation makes me not want to visit because going for days without sleeping is miserable. However, I'm afraid it would be rude to tell them the truth about the bed. I'm running out of excuses about why I can't visit. Please, I need help. -- RESTLESS DAUGHTER IN NEW YORK

DEAR DAUGHTER: For heaven's sake, quit waffling and tell your father and stepmother the truth! Regardless of what previous guests have told them, the bed in their guest room is not comfortable for you. Saying that isn't rude. If they can afford a vacation home, they can afford a new mattress or let you share the expense.

DEAR ABBY: My parent has gone on to have other kids, grandkids and great-grandkids. Because there are so many, the families have had to split and have their own holidays, so we don't have a close relationship with the younger members. Some of them continue to invite or expect gifts for baby showers and other occasions, but we really have no relationship with the person it's for. I understand we are "family," but at this point, this is generations back, and at events, these relatives don't even speak to us.

Is it OK to draw the line somewhere? If I go to an event, I will of course give a gift, but is it all right to not attend or send a gift? It doesn't help that they usually don't give gifts to other family members for their events, and when our gifts have been received, there is never a thank-you. -- MUSING IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR MUSING: When you receive an invitation to an event from people you barely know, you are under no obligation to accept. You are also not required to send a gift. If you are feeling generous, send the person a nice card and include a sweet note with your well wishes.

DEAR ABBY: Once a month, I meet for lunch and cards with three women I have known for many years. We have lots of fun, but it is bittersweet for me. I am aware the three of them get together and communicate often, but not with me. What really bothers me is they attempt to hide it from me. I'm considering dropping out of these get-togethers because I feel hurt that I am being excluded. Or should I just try to ignore it? -- LEFT OUT IN INDIANA

DEAR LEFT OUT: These women may for some reason feel they have more in common with each other than they do with you, and they are secretive about their communications in an effort to avoid hurting your feelings. Do you have friends other than these women? If the answer is no, start looking around for activities you can join so you can meet new people. In the meantime, while looking to broaden your social circle, do your best to enjoy this one.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, "Chris," from our teenage days. We've been performing music together for decades. We live in different cities but get together every few years. Over the last 20 years, Chris has turned toward a fundamentalist viewpoint on religion. I found it too much to handle and have distanced myself.

Recently, Chris contacted me to inform me that his mother had died. I felt sincere about being supportive and helping him get through the loss, so we started performing music together again. It was going well, and he wanted to record one of my songs. When I mentioned I had a demo of it, he asked me for it. I realized too late that the name on the file -- "Pagan Christmas" -- might be an issue.

I received this message back from him a week later: "I like the chord progression but was a bit put off by the title. People I care about also found the title offensive. I'll do my best to purge it from my memory in the hope that you can present it later with a more inclusive and marketable moniker. I cannot contribute to anything that could be perceived as having anti-Christian bias."

Abby, I'm going back and forth between trying to ignore his message and being angry. Can you advise me on how to handle this situation? -- CONTENT CREATOR IN WASHINGTON

DEAR CREATOR: Nursing anger is a waste of your time. Apologize to Chris for the oversight. Tell him you didn't realize the title of the piece might offend him until after you had already hit the "send" button, and then see what kind of a title you can agree upon. If you are unable to reach a compromise, tell him you would prefer that he not use the song.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single, 52-year-old woman, never married with no kids. I suffer from depression as well as a number of severe health issues and live alone with three cats. Lately, I've been feeling lost and confused about my life. I don't know how to live my life since I got sick. I miss being active with family and friends like I used to be. I'm confined to my house almost all the time. Please give me some advice on how to be less depressed, and how I can be more active in my life again and not dwell so much on my health issues. -- CAT LADY IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR CAT LADY: People become depressed for many reasons. Because your depression is ongoing, it's important that you discuss it with your physician. A psychologist and medication could help you to cope more effectively with your challenges.

As to how to become more active in your social life, because I don't know how restricted your health issues have made you, I advise you to go online and contact a support group or foundation for those who have the same medical conditions you do. You may be able to find suggestions and community there. Being able to talk with others who are in the same situation can often be productive.

DEAR ABBY: Why do I feel the need to be in a relationship, but when I'm in one, I feel trapped, bored, disappointed and lonely? I'm a divorced single mom, co-parenting a child with my ex. We have been divorced for 15 years. My child is graduating from college this year.

I have often been told by past partners that I lacked the willingness or ability to emotionally connect with them. Because of this, the relationship lacked substance, and we ended up breaking up. When it happens, I feel devastated. Because I'm the reason it ended, my first reaction is to convince them to give me a second chance. Second chance leads to third chance, etc., but ultimately, the romance ends because the problem remains.

My last two relationships each lasted four years. Some of the criticisms included my not being interested in getting to know or becoming close to their kids and not showing vulnerability. This led to them doubting that I was truly interested in them and questioning my reasons for being with them.

From my perspective, I often feel tired of my life as a single mom, working full time, co-raising a child, etc. But there is a strong desire to have a male figure in my life to feel safe and secure. Recently, perimenopause symptoms have had a great impact on my life. This has been my relationship pattern. How do I break it? -- LONELY IN THE WEST

DEAR LONELY: You have stated clearly what you want from a relationship, but you haven't mentioned what you brought to those past relationships. You want safety and security. It's possible those men sensed your lack of emotional involvement. The surest way to break this self-defeating pattern would be to talk with a licensed mental health professional about your priorities and how to form a meaningful, lasting relationship.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are retired and live in a two-story house with a basement. While our home is beautifully designed and furnished, several areas need immediate attention with regard to aging and safety issues. Several small area rugs need securing, and safety rails need to be installed in two of the showers. Two bathtubs are no longer being used because of the inability to egress without some type of assistance. There is also no handrail on the basement steps.

My husband says it is "no big deal" to fix these issues, while I say it is a "big deal" that is crucial to aging in place and must be addressed immediately. We are both strongly averse to moving into a "God's waiting room" facility and very much wish to age in place. What say you? Am I being finicky, or do these issues need immediate attention? -- WANTS IT DONE IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR WANTS: What I say is that you are being prudent. Tell your procrastinating husband that foresight is better than 20/20 hindsight, so if he isn't willing to start installing the safety devices, you are hiring someone to take care of it to ensure your safety.