DEAR ABBY: Why do I feel the need to be in a relationship, but when I'm in one, I feel trapped, bored, disappointed and lonely? I'm a divorced single mom, co-parenting a child with my ex. We have been divorced for 15 years. My child is graduating from college this year.

I have often been told by past partners that I lacked the willingness or ability to emotionally connect with them. Because of this, the relationship lacked substance, and we ended up breaking up. When it happens, I feel devastated. Because I'm the reason it ended, my first reaction is to convince them to give me a second chance. Second chance leads to third chance, etc., but ultimately, the romance ends because the problem remains.

My last two relationships each lasted four years. Some of the criticisms included my not being interested in getting to know or becoming close to their kids and not showing vulnerability. This led to them doubting that I was truly interested in them and questioning my reasons for being with them.

From my perspective, I often feel tired of my life as a single mom, working full time, co-raising a child, etc. But there is a strong desire to have a male figure in my life to feel safe and secure. Recently, perimenopause symptoms have had a great impact on my life. This has been my relationship pattern. How do I break it? -- LONELY IN THE WEST

DEAR LONELY: You have stated clearly what you want from a relationship, but you haven't mentioned what you brought to those past relationships. You want safety and security. It's possible those men sensed your lack of emotional involvement. The surest way to break this self-defeating pattern would be to talk with a licensed mental health professional about your priorities and how to form a meaningful, lasting relationship.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are retired and live in a two-story house with a basement. While our home is beautifully designed and furnished, several areas need immediate attention with regard to aging and safety issues. Several small area rugs need securing, and safety rails need to be installed in two of the showers. Two bathtubs are no longer being used because of the inability to egress without some type of assistance. There is also no handrail on the basement steps.

My husband says it is "no big deal" to fix these issues, while I say it is a "big deal" that is crucial to aging in place and must be addressed immediately. We are both strongly averse to moving into a "God's waiting room" facility and very much wish to age in place. What say you? Am I being finicky, or do these issues need immediate attention? -- WANTS IT DONE IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR WANTS: What I say is that you are being prudent. Tell your procrastinating husband that foresight is better than 20/20 hindsight, so if he isn't willing to start installing the safety devices, you are hiring someone to take care of it to ensure your safety.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 80-year-old man who is recently retired and in relatively good health. My wife is about the same. We recently received a request from our son, who is 50, for his share of the inheritance now rather than later. It came as a shock. He is selling his company, which is valued at $7 million to $8 million. He tells me he is cash poor, which affects the leverage of his sale.

While we have the money, we would have to empty our savings and cash in some investments. We are not destitute by any means and can probably manage this, but I'm wondering if I should be offended by the question of an advance inheritance. I've never dealt with this before and wonder if you have any thoughts about the propriety. Should I involve my other children? It affects them, too. -- TAKEN ABACK IN TEXAS

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: The people you should involve in this decision are your lawyer, your CPA and your financial adviser. I hesitate to advise you to involve your other children at this point for fear it will start World War III.

DEAR ABBY: My wife constantly disrespects me. She's controlling and puts our son and his children ahead of me. She refuses counseling, while I go to counseling often. She doesn't want to cook for me or do anything that will make my life easier. All she does is complain, argue and pick fights.

She has now allowed our son (who is a drug addict and alcoholic) and his two small children to live with us. I have no peace in my home, and I have remained faithful despite getting no affection. I have sacrificed 25 years to be with her only to be constantly rejected. She hadn't healed from a toxic relationship before we were married, but I didn't know it was this bad. I need someone to love me. -- ALONE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ALONE: You say you go to counseling often. What does your therapist have to say about your sad situation? If this person is advising you to stay and be miserable, my advice is to change therapists.

DEAR ABBY: I have a fast walk, and since I have been working as a housekeeper at a local hospital, I often get comments about it. In my previous profession (waitress and bartender), that never happened, perhaps because it is common in a high-energy industry.

I usually retort with, "I'm not walking fast. You're watching me too slow." Interestingly, comments I receive like, "Run, run, run," or "Where's the fire?" are never directed at doctors, nurses or my supervisors. Maybe it's about my age. I'm a strong, healthy and energetic 69 years young. Comments about my fast walk annoy me. I'm thinking of having T-shirts made that say on the back, "Yes, I walk fast!"

Abby, what do you think about this? Do you have a quick and slightly snarky response I could throw at these rude, insensitive people? -- SPEEDY GAL IN CANADA

DEAR SPEEDY GAL: These people may not intend to be rude. Rather than look for ways to dismiss them, which would likely cause hard feelings, just smile and keep walking at your own pace. If you feel you must respond, say, "This is how I get the job done," and keep moving.

DEAR ABBY: My wife is the love of my life. She is, and always has been, my dream girl. We used to have sex three or four times a week, but since her hysterectomy, she no longer desires sex. She's OK with scheduling sex on a certain date, but most of the time she doesn't follow through because she doesn't think about it, and I feel unwanted and undesired. Other than this issue, she is the woman for me. She makes me happy. She is very supportive and makes sure I'm taken care of in every other way.

I am a sexual person. My past relationships were all passionate, and I feel more like a man after a good romp. Am I thinking too much about this? She's perfect in every way except for her lack of sex drive. I have never cheated on her, and I am not considering divorce, so what can I do? -- DEPRIVED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DEPRIVED: Talk with your wife and tell her everything you have written to me. It may be time for the two of you to schedule a consultation with her gynecologist to discuss this. People's sex drives are hormone driven, and there may be a medical remedy for this problem. However, if there isn't, it might be helpful for your wife to put a recurring reminder on her calendar about scheduling sex with you.

DEAR ABBY: I enjoy hosting small dinner parties and like to keep the size of the group to 12, which fits comfortably around our dining room table. If we move furniture, we can add extra tables and chairs, but as we get older, hosting a bigger group has become more difficult.

During holidays, because we don't have family in town, we like to invite others who are in a similar situation to join us, but we have more friends than will fit around our table. I have tried varying the group each year, but then people's feelings are hurt if they're not included the next year. Should we celebrate holidays on our own to avoid hurting anyone? -- HAPPY HOSTESS IN OHIO

DEAR HOSTESS: You are fortunate to have so many friends. As hosts, you and your husband have the privilege of inviting anyone you wish to your holiday dinners. For someone to assume that, because they have been invited one year, they are entitled to celebrate with you in perpetuity is presumptuous.

If anyone indicates their feelings are hurt at not being invited annually, feel free to explain (as you have to me) that you are glad they enjoy your hospitality, but you need to include other friends as well. It's the truth. It's not insulting.

P.S. If you would like to do something different during the holidays, feel free to do so. Some folks give themselves a vacation at that time by getting out of Dodge.