DEAR ABBY: Twenty years ago, my daughter "Tina" was in an abusive marriage that ended with the overdose death of her husband. My wife, her mother, died recently. As I was going through some old papers and files, I came across a plain white envelope. Inside were a couple of handwritten letters from Tina's husband, seemingly written to her just prior to his death. I am unsure what I should do with them.

My worry is that if I give them to Tina, it might cause her to relive that terrible time. On the other hand, I feel the decision of what to do with the letters should be hers. She not only survived, but she has thrived and made a wonderful life for herself. -- PROUD DAD IN FLORIDA

DEAR DAD: You state that you found the letters in some "old papers" belonging to your wife. How strange that they weren't sent to your daughter. If they were intended to be passed on to your daughter, why didn't she receive them? If she did receive them and gave them to her mother, then she already knows what's in them. I think you should tell Tina what you came across, ask if she knows about them and, if she doesn't know, offer them to her.

DEAR ABBY: I am freshman in high school, and I live with my stepmother and father. They are great parents to me and my little brother but very homophobic. I love going to church with them, but I have a partner of the same gender. My parents recently found out and have decided as punishment to isolate me from everyone, including putting me in homeschool.

What they don't understand is that I am confused about myself, and I can't make sense of my emotions. Can I be both Christian and lesbian? Every time I try to ask one of them for help understanding, they shut down and call me disgusting. What can I do to get them to understand that I need to talk through this? -- WHO AM I IN KENTUCKY

DEAR 'WHO': Of course a person can be both LGBTQ and Christian, although you may not be welcomed at the denomination to which your parents belong. The Episcopalians, the Presbyterians, the United Methodist Church, the United Church of Christ and the Metropolitan Community Church (an LGBTQ denomination) are among the inclusive. Your parents may be frightened because they think you have "chosen" to be the way you are.

You may find online resources will make you feel better as you seek to understand more about yourself. One of them is The Trevor Project (thetrevorproject.org), which is the leading crisis intervention nonprofit organization for LGBTQ young people. It provides information and support 24/7, all year round.

Another trusted resource I have recommended for many years, not just for you but also for your parents if they would like to learn more about this subject, is called PFLAG. It was started in 1973 by a mother and her gay son and has grown to become the leading resource for educational materials on this subject. Its web address is pflag.org.

DEAR ABBY: Nine months ago, my friend "Anne" moved in with me after losing her home following her boyfriend's death. Since then, she's had trouble finding employment, but when she does work, she spends money on stuff she really doesn't need. She's always talking about how she hates to be a burden on me and will move out ASAP. Then she buys random stuff from online shopping sites (like designer purses and clothes), so I doubt she's saving for her own place yet. She says it's because she's been through a lot and she deserves it. She has a "you only live once" mindset. She once encouraged me to buy a brand-new $300 set of luggage "just because I liked it." She also shows her appreciation to me by buying me things.

We're both in our mid-50s, each with an only child in their 30s, and I'm trying to get rid of stuff I don't need so my daughter won't have to deal with it when I'm gone. I know we're both adults and that I don't have the right to tell Anne what to do with her money and life. I just would rather she take the money she's spending on frivolous stuff for me and put it toward getting her own place.

Anne's sensitive and takes things personally. How do I break it to her gently that I'm not a fan of presents, and the best way she can show her gratitude to me is to save her hard-earned money instead of buying me more stuff I don't need (and really don't want)? -- THANKS, BUT NO THANKS

DEAR T.B.N.T.: What you need to "break gently" to your friend is that you do not want a permanent roommate, and that if she wants to show her gratitude, you would appreciate her starting to seriously save so she has the money to get a place of her own.

DEAR ABBY: I was wondering how to handle questions I get about children. My wife and I don't have kids. For example, at a networking event in which people don't want to lead off with what they do, children seem a "safe" topic. In my opinion, if someone wants to bring up the subject of children, they should first ask if everyone in the group has them, because it becomes awkward when they get to me, and I say we are childless. (Same goes for other sensitive topics, such as cancer, etc.) Isn't it rude for people to assume that everyone has children, because, if they don't, they are then excluded in the group discussion? I can't share my child's graduation story, broken bones, etc. -- CHILD-FREE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR CHILD-FREE: Not everyone has kids. It's a fact. Rather than rude, the questioners are thoughtless. A way to deal with the question would be to say, "My wife and I are child-free."

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I just found out we are to become grandparents in seven months. We are very excited, and I can't wait to spend time with my new grandchild. The plan is for me to spend two to three weeks with my daughter after the baby comes, to help them rest and settle into a daily routine.

The problem is, I am scared to death of one of her dogs. "Bruno" is large, unpredictable and not well-trained, and I believe he would bite me if given a chance. My daughter loves Bruno and is "sure" he would never hurt me. How do we deal with this potentially disastrous situation?

I want everything to be special when meeting and bonding with our grandbaby, but I'm not sure how to approach my fear of her dog. Our daughter's feelings get hurt easily, and I don't want to jeopardize our relationship or one with the new baby. What should I do? -- AFRAID IN COLORADO

DEAR AFRAID: Tell your daughter (again) how much you are looking forward to helping her at this special time and getting to know your grandchild. Then ask if it would be possible for her to confine Bruno during your visit. It would be terrible if her dog jumped on you and caused you to fall, and disastrous if it should happen while you are holding the baby. Then hope she sees the wisdom, or you will have to decline her request for help when they bring the baby home from the hospital.

DEAR ABBY: I am 85 and dating a man, "Larry," who is 62. For the last 25 years we have become good platonic friends doing community charity and church volunteer work. During this time, I also took care of my husband, who was suffering from Alzheimer's for 12 years. Five years ago, my husband died, which left me totally alone. Two years ago, Larry, a lifelong bachelor, asked me out. We get along wonderfully and eventually fell in love.

I'm a young 85, and Larry is quiet and reserved. My problem is, I can't get over the age difference. I feel like everyone is judging us because of it, and we have never actually discussed it. Truthfully, I'm frightened to death of the subject.

We are both financially secure. We look the same age and are both Christians. We are involved with community activities and help charities meet financial goals, feed the poor, etc. We trust one another and have similar core values and integrity. So, Abby, please give me your advice. There isn't anyone I can ask who would be impartial. -- JUST A NUMBER? IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR 'JUST': I'm glad you asked. If you and Larry love each other and share similar values, you would have to be crazy to permit what "people might say" to destroy what you have together. You haven't said he has proposed marriage. If he does, more the better. No one has a contract with God. You are 85 years young. Please enjoy the years you have left to the fullest, and don't be ashamed of doing it.