DEAR ABBY: Nine months ago, my friend "Anne" moved in with me after losing her home following her boyfriend's death. Since then, she's had trouble finding employment, but when she does work, she spends money on stuff she really doesn't need. She's always talking about how she hates to be a burden on me and will move out ASAP. Then she buys random stuff from online shopping sites (like designer purses and clothes), so I doubt she's saving for her own place yet. She says it's because she's been through a lot and she deserves it. She has a "you only live once" mindset. She once encouraged me to buy a brand-new $300 set of luggage "just because I liked it." She also shows her appreciation to me by buying me things.

We're both in our mid-50s, each with an only child in their 30s, and I'm trying to get rid of stuff I don't need so my daughter won't have to deal with it when I'm gone. I know we're both adults and that I don't have the right to tell Anne what to do with her money and life. I just would rather she take the money she's spending on frivolous stuff for me and put it toward getting her own place.

Anne's sensitive and takes things personally. How do I break it to her gently that I'm not a fan of presents, and the best way she can show her gratitude to me is to save her hard-earned money instead of buying me more stuff I don't need (and really don't want)? -- THANKS, BUT NO THANKS

DEAR T.B.N.T.: What you need to "break gently" to your friend is that you do not want a permanent roommate, and that if she wants to show her gratitude, you would appreciate her starting to seriously save so she has the money to get a place of her own.

DEAR ABBY: I was wondering how to handle questions I get about children. My wife and I don't have kids. For example, at a networking event in which people don't want to lead off with what they do, children seem a "safe" topic. In my opinion, if someone wants to bring up the subject of children, they should first ask if everyone in the group has them, because it becomes awkward when they get to me, and I say we are childless. (Same goes for other sensitive topics, such as cancer, etc.) Isn't it rude for people to assume that everyone has children, because, if they don't, they are then excluded in the group discussion? I can't share my child's graduation story, broken bones, etc. -- CHILD-FREE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR CHILD-FREE: Not everyone has kids. It's a fact. Rather than rude, the questioners are thoughtless. A way to deal with the question would be to say, "My wife and I are child-free."

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I just found out we are to become grandparents in seven months. We are very excited, and I can't wait to spend time with my new grandchild. The plan is for me to spend two to three weeks with my daughter after the baby comes, to help them rest and settle into a daily routine.

The problem is, I am scared to death of one of her dogs. "Bruno" is large, unpredictable and not well-trained, and I believe he would bite me if given a chance. My daughter loves Bruno and is "sure" he would never hurt me. How do we deal with this potentially disastrous situation?

I want everything to be special when meeting and bonding with our grandbaby, but I'm not sure how to approach my fear of her dog. Our daughter's feelings get hurt easily, and I don't want to jeopardize our relationship or one with the new baby. What should I do? -- AFRAID IN COLORADO

DEAR AFRAID: Tell your daughter (again) how much you are looking forward to helping her at this special time and getting to know your grandchild. Then ask if it would be possible for her to confine Bruno during your visit. It would be terrible if her dog jumped on you and caused you to fall, and disastrous if it should happen while you are holding the baby. Then hope she sees the wisdom, or you will have to decline her request for help when they bring the baby home from the hospital.

DEAR ABBY: I am 85 and dating a man, "Larry," who is 62. For the last 25 years we have become good platonic friends doing community charity and church volunteer work. During this time, I also took care of my husband, who was suffering from Alzheimer's for 12 years. Five years ago, my husband died, which left me totally alone. Two years ago, Larry, a lifelong bachelor, asked me out. We get along wonderfully and eventually fell in love.

I'm a young 85, and Larry is quiet and reserved. My problem is, I can't get over the age difference. I feel like everyone is judging us because of it, and we have never actually discussed it. Truthfully, I'm frightened to death of the subject.

We are both financially secure. We look the same age and are both Christians. We are involved with community activities and help charities meet financial goals, feed the poor, etc. We trust one another and have similar core values and integrity. So, Abby, please give me your advice. There isn't anyone I can ask who would be impartial. -- JUST A NUMBER? IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR 'JUST': I'm glad you asked. If you and Larry love each other and share similar values, you would have to be crazy to permit what "people might say" to destroy what you have together. You haven't said he has proposed marriage. If he does, more the better. No one has a contract with God. You are 85 years young. Please enjoy the years you have left to the fullest, and don't be ashamed of doing it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our 50s. For several months, I have been struggling with an issue I have with my mom. She constantly asks me how much my annual income is and how much my husband makes. In the 20-plus years we have been married, we have never asked to borrow money from my parents (or anyone, for that matter). We have always worked hard and managed our finances to ensure the needs of our family are met.

Dad is gone now, and for some reason, Mom has become overly invested in knowing our finances. She says she wants to be close to me, but that involves sharing what I deem to be something private between my husband and me. I strongly feel this is none of her business. In order to shut her up (for lack of a better term), and because she will not accept that it's not for her to know, I give her a number I make up. Our financial status should not be what determines Mom's relationship with us.

Am I wrong to feel this is a private matter between my husband and me and none of her business? I feel Mom is crossing a line. I wonder if she asks close friends how much they and their husbands earn in a month in order to feel close to them. Your thoughts? -- IT'S MY BUSINESS

DEAR 'BUSINESS': My goodness, talk about emotional blackmail! You made a big mistake by lying to your mother about your financial status. I will assume that you have discussed the problem you are having with her with your husband. The next time she pressures you to give her private financial information, tell her this is a conversation she should have with you AND him. Then, when Mama says she needs to know about your financial situation, let him ask her why before assuring her that you are secure, and the rest is none of her business.

DEAR ABBY: A couple of days a week, when I have no plans and no place to go, I stay in my pajamas. They are comfy, and I figure why dirty clean clothes just to make more laundry and waste soap and water? Well, older people tell me I should dress every day. I don't see the problem. I shower regularly, wash my pajamas and other clothes, and keep my house and yard clean. I'm not lazy -- I just don't see the value in getting dressed for the sake of getting dressed. I really wish people would quit telling me how to live my life. What do you think? -- COMFORTABLE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR COMFORTABLE: My late mother used to say that when people look their best, it gives them confidence, which makes them feel better about themselves. She wasn't wrong. She also told me that if I didn't make the effort, invariably I would run into someone I wished I had looked better for. (Alas, also true.) This may be the message these folks are trying to communicate. However, because you are comfortable wearing pajamas at home a couple days a week, you'll get no argument from me.