DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Violet," lives about two hours away. She and her mother (my wife) do not get along. Violet was always a rebellious, independent wild child, as well as the source of a lot of family problems. Violet and I also were estranged until we recently reconciled.

Yesterday, she sent me an email inviting me to lunch to celebrate my birthday. When I told my wife about the invitation, she responded, "Do what you want" in a tone and with a facial expression which said: "Go ahead, but if you do, you'll be sorry."

I have tried to reconcile these two women I love without success. My wife tells me she loves Violet but doesn't like her, although she would like to have a better relationship with her. Violet tells me she blames her mother for her PTSD (her unofficial diagnosis) and wants nothing to do with her.

So do I go to lunch with my daughter and incur the wrath of my wife for what she would consider a betrayal, or do I decline the invitation from my daughter and risk alienating her again? -- IN THE MIDDLE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: Your wife is wrong to attempt to use you to punish her troubled daughter. It would benefit all three of you if Violet were properly diagnosed. Before having that birthday lunch, ask your doctor if he or she can give you the name of some doctors who specialize in diagnosing and treating PTSD. During the lunch, tell Violet you love her, but this split in the family isn't good for any of you, which is why you are giving her the names of doctors who can help her work through her trauma. An alternative to that might be family counseling for the three of you.

DEAR ABBY: I reconnected with my high school first love. Unfortunately, both of us were married. His wife didn't win her battle with cancer and passed away. I eventually got a divorce. All through this time, we were intimate, spending as much time together as we could. (We live in different cities.)

It has been eight months since we reconnected, and I'm ready for a relationship. I know he's nowhere near healed or close to ready to be in another relationship. This is the third time in our lives we have been brought together and couldn't "be" together. I don't know whether to let go or to wait. Please help. -- ONE WHO GOT AWAY

DEAR ONE: Perhaps the third time will be the charm because you are now both single. While you may have to wait for this man to finish grieving for the wife to whom he was unfaithful, it may be time for an honest conversation about your feelings for him and whether he's on the same page. It is important you both figure out whether this is the real thing or just another attempt to resurrect a teenage romance.

DEAR ABBY: About eight months ago, I stumbled on my husband watching online porn. He admitted to habitual use but said it was just a stress reliever and he would stop viewing it. Meanwhile, I am plagued by feelings of not being enough for him, mainly before or during sex but also at random times of the day and night.

I am a small-breasted woman, and I can't stop thinking that he has seen beautiful bodies that are much more of a turn-on than mine. I am ashamed of how I look and no longer want him to see me naked. This was never a problem before, but now it's a constant feeling of inadequacy. I'm also not sure he has stopped, but I realize there's no way for me to know that, so I'm struggling with trust.

Is there anything I can do to stop thinking about this and build back some self-confidence? -- CAN'T COMPARE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CAN'T COMPARE: You need to understand something. Men are turned on by the visual. Millions of them watch porn for pleasure. This is a fact. Your husband's viewing doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. You are the woman he married, and until you "stumbled upon him" watching porn, everything was fine.

As I reread your letter, I was struck by your lack of self-esteem. The surest way to stop obsessing about this and rebuild your self-confidence would be to ask your doctor to refer you to a psychologist who can help you regain your perspective.

DEAR ABBY: After a recent gathering for my granddaughter's graduation, I am feeling depressed and upset. Unflattering pictures of me were taken during the event and later posted on social media. I wasn't asked, and I think it was done maliciously by the grandmother on the other side. She posted no candid pictures of herself, only ones that were planned and staged.

I don't feel I can ask that they be taken down without causing a rift. I did post a suggestion on the site about privacy and pictures. That grandma has read my message but hasn't taken the hint to remove them. This has led to unpleasant memories of an otherwise memorable and happy event. Why don't people realize that no-longer-young individuals don't want terrible pictures splashed all over the internet? -- EMBARRASSED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Your granddaughter's graduation was all about her and her accomplishment. It wasn't a "Mirror, mirror on the wall" contest of which grandmother is the fairer. Try to focus more closely on the spirit of the occasion and less on any unfortunate picture that was posted later. If you do, you may see the humor in this. You wrote that older people don't want terrible pictures splashed all over the internet. News flash: Younger people like it even less. Laugh and the world laughs with you. And toss the sour grapes into the garbage.

DEAR ABBY: I'm struggling with something that feels both silly and painful. I've developed intense feelings (maybe even "limerence") for a man I know, and no matter how hard I try, no one else seems to compare. I have tried dating apps, looking at younger guys, older guys, conventionally attractive guys. Nothing clicks. I keep thinking, why can't I just lower my standards? Or, why can't I find others attractive when I know logically this person isn't the only man on Earth?

Am I broken? Am I too fixated on a type? Am I missing out on good people just because they don't give me butterflies? I know I can't (and maybe shouldn't) wait around for this one guy, but opening myself up to others feels impossible when they all feel so "meh" or even repulsive in comparison. How can I break out of this mental trap? I'm 30, so I feel I need to figure this all out. -- STUCK IN MY HEAD AND HEART

DEAR STUCK: The kind of intense attraction you feel for this man does not necessarily lead to a lasting relationship. Not once in your letter did you mention that he has indicated he has feelings for you, or even knows who you are.

At the age of 30, you are a little old to be waiting around for someone who may never come around. A way to break out of what you call the "mental trap" would be to start concentrating on other things and live your life. Put the fantasy of romance aside for a while, and you may meet some wonderful people and form relationships that are reciprocal.

DEAR ABBY: My sister is struggling with severe mental health issues, and so is her live-in boyfriend of 6 1/2 years. She thinks everyone she's ever had contact with was involved in human trafficking her throughout her childhood. Abby, we grew up safe and privileged on a farm, but my sister had some severe trauma starting in our late teen years. We are now in our mid-40s. She refuses treatment and thinks there is nothing wrong with her.

Everyone in our family except for our mom has distanced themselves from her, including her three adult children. We all love her, but if we try to help, she creates destructive delusions regarding our lives, too. She's always been a handful but has gone downhill since she has been with her boyfriend.

Neither one of them can work, and she is trying to get on disability. He already is. They barely get by. Abby, what can we do to help? It is painful to see her this way when medicine could help, but she refuses. -- LOSING HOPE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR LOSING HOPE: Medicine might help, if your sister were willing to accept that kind of intervention. Because she isn't, and she and her boyfriend are barely getting by, it might be wise to seek the help of a social worker. If there is a department of mental health in your sister's county, consider contacting someone there and asking for help with this problem.