DEAR ABBY: I've been happily married for 31 years. I love my wife, but we are now more like roommates or friends than the lovers we were initially. We are also not soulmates. We both agree that few couples are.

But I met my soulmate three years ago. The initial chemistry was amazing, and we have been "dating" ever since. I put "dating" in quotes because nothing physical has happened, not even holding hands. But we have intense primal eye contact and amazing discussions. We can talk for hours, well past when it is time to leave. I have never experienced a friendship like this. I know it is not infatuation or a midlife crisis. The chemistry is there. I have never cheated on my wife, and I don't want to. It's not who I am. I don't want to hurt anyone. But something has to give.

The ethical answer, of course, is to maintain the status quo, but I'm not convinced that maximizes happiness for all parties, and certainly not for me. At 60, I know I will feel intense regret if I let my soulmate go, and likewise if I leave my wife. I live with the torture of this dilemma every day. Do you have any insight? -- PERPLEXED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PERPLEXED: I am sorry you didn't mention whether your "soulmate" is also married, or how she feels about you. How does your wife feel about the fact that you are having these intense, hourslong conversations with another woman? Does she even know?

You stated that you are happily married and love your wife. A logical way to figure out what you want for your future would be to ask your wife to join you in consulting a licensed marriage and family therapist to help you figure out how (and whether) you can rekindle what originally brought you two together.

DEAR ABBY: Our 40-year-old son has become a full-fledged narcissist and blames us (his sister, her husband, my husband and me) for a family schism that has gone on for two years. He tells lies about us and keeps us from our granddaughter. Any attempt to contact him has been met with venomous, foul-mouthed texts in return.

Our son went through a nasty divorce and horrible custody proceeding, but we did our best to support him financially and emotionally during that time. He is now supposedly happily remarried, but he continues to deny us access to his daughter. We are heartbroken. This is not the way we raised him. Any suggestions? -- BAFFLED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR BAFFLED: You stated that your son is "supposedly happily remarried." Could his new wife have had something to do with this schism? Unless your son had a psychotic break after his divorce and, in his delusions, thinks you, your husband, his sister and her husband are to blame for everything going wrong, something has definitely changed. Family counseling might help to heal the breach, but only if he agrees there is a need for it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 50-year-old single mom who is extremely close with my 20-year-old daughter, who is away at college. I haven't dated for 12 years, partly because I did not want distractions from parenting.

Recently, a young man has contacted me for a casual relationship. These are my issues: He's 21. My daughter would be disgusted, and I could never tell her. Six years ago, he was a student of mine. (I teach high school.) Nothing inappropriate happened when he was a student. In fact, he had such a rude attitude that I once met with his mother. I know this could never go anywhere, but I don't want anything to go anywhere.

At this point in my life, I would like to date casually. He lives several hours away so we would see each other only occasionally. I'm trying to decide whether my reluctance is justified and I should decline, or if I'm taking societal ideals too personally and I should have some fun but keep this secret from my daughter. -- UNCERTAIN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNCERTAIN: Put the brakes on this while you still can and look for someone older to play with. Your daughter may be a college student, but she's no longer a child. Secrets like the one you are considering have a way of eventually coming out. Please think this through before jumping into anything that could cause you or your daughter potential embarrassment.

DEAR ABBY: My baby boy died unexpectedly, and for a long time, I was completely lost. I cried all the time. I couldn't stand to be around anyone or leave the house. With time and counseling, I'm starting to emerge again, but it's really hard.

One problem is, when I run into someone I haven't seen in a while, they ask how I am. They go on to say how sorry they were to hear about my son's passing, and then they want to tell me about someone they lost. I can't have this conversation without bursting into tears, sometimes sobbing hysterically. The outing is then ruined, and I have to go home again.

How can I get people to not do this? I know they are trying to be caring, but I can't function if I have to keep having this conversation over and over. -- JUST OUT FOR GROCERIES

DEAR JUST OUT: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your precious baby boy. When people ask how you are doing, tell them you are "doing well under the circumstances and don't wish to discuss it further." Period! Change the subject and, if necessary, walk away.

For some unknown reason, when someone has lost a loved one, others feel it is "comforting" for the bereaved to know about similar cases. THIS IS NOT TRUE! When people have suffered a loss, they are only irritated by well-meaning friends who say, "I know exactly what you are going through. I experienced something similar."

Folks, when comforting the grieving, comparisons should be avoided.

DEAR ABBY: I have been incarcerated for 21 months. I stay in contact with my immediate family, except for my brother. I suspect that he slept with my girlfriend a couple of weeks before I came to prison, although I'm not 100% sure. He tells our family members that it isn't true and that he wants me to reach out. But I don't know if I can until I'm completely sure he didn't do it. Do you have any advice? -- LOCKED UP IN DELAWARE

DEAR LOCKED UP: You are locked away with little but your suspicions to keep you company. Under these circumstances, I can see how they might grow. Why do you think your brother did this? What "vibes" did you pick up on before you left? If you really think your girlfriend would do something like this, why do you still consider her your girlfriend? If she was unfaithful before you were incarcerated, what makes you think she is any different now?

You have no proof that either of them did anything. You should definitely talk to your brother and your girlfriend about your suspicions. If you do, perhaps they can put them to rest.

DEAR ABBY: I enjoy keeping up with family and friends on Facebook, but I have two uncles whose political posts have become increasingly extreme. Their messages are filled with anger and hate. I hoped things would calm down after the election, but their rhetoric has intensified.

I have unfriended others who shared similar views, but I am hesitant to do the same with family. I've tried "snoozing" them for 30 days at a time, but when they return, the posts are even more upsetting. I'm deeply offended by some of what they write. Is it OK to unfriend family? And, if they notice and confront me, how should I respond? -- DIFFERENT IN TEXAS

DEAR DIFFERENT: You are not obligated to read anything that upsets you. This includes items posted by relatives. You can simply unfollow them without unfriending them. But Facebook does not notify anyone that they have been unfriended, so feel free to eliminate them from your feed if you'd like. If, by chance, they should confront you about it, be honest about your reason without being combative.

DEAR ABBY: I am getting married in six months and hosting a relatively small wedding (80 guests). My fiance and I recently received a save-the-date for a college friend's wedding. It's set to take place two weeks after ours. We will be on our honeymoon at that time and unable to attend.

We were not originally planning to invite this couple to our wedding but now feel that we must invite them in order to explain that we'll be on our honeymoon during theirs. We did not send them a save-the-date card. What is the best way to approach this? We have limited space and budget, so adding two people is not easy. -- OTHERWISE ENGAGED IN NEW YORK

DEAR OTHERWISE ENGAGED: You are not obligated to invite this couple to your wedding. Write them a sweet note explaining that you are sorry you won't be able to attend because you will be on your honeymoon at that time. That's all you have to do. However, it would be nice if you sent them a small gift to be delivered at the time of their wedding along with warm wishes that they enjoy a lifetime of happiness together.