DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away four months ago. I miss him terribly, but I'm ready to move on. I want to begin dating, but I don't know how to go about it. Some may say it's too soon, but I couldn't care less what people think.

I have my eye on several men I think may be interested, but they're not paying much attention to me. I think they're hesitating because they know how recently my husband died and they think it's too soon. How can I let them know I'm ready without coming on too strong?

Also, how can I go about meeting new men? I go places and see lots of men who are attractive, but I haven't got the nerve to approach them. Some of them may be married, and I don't want to wreck anyone's marriage. I'm 65, so it isn't easy to meet someone in my age group.

I am not looking for a husband, just a friend and companion. I have everything I need except someone to love and care for me. Online dating isn't an option for me. Can you please give me some of your excellent advice? -- VERY LONELY WIDOW

DEAR VERY LONELY: Please accept my condolences for the loss of your husband. You have now become a member of a club that nobody wants to join.

It's important for your mental health that you do some things to help you fight depression. Staying busy and exercising at least 30 minutes a day are both very effective. You may also be able to push the dark clouds away and meet new people by volunteering for causes you care about.

You mentioned that online dating isn't an option. If the reason for that is a lack of computer literacy, start taking some lessons. Online dating sites provide an avenue for widows and widowers to meet eligible people of both sexes. One caveat, however: You wrote that you are looking for someone to love and care for YOU. Do not go into any relationship without accepting that it will be a two-way street, or it won't work for either of you.

DEAR ABBY: My grandpa has expressed to me that he wants me to inherit all of his investments, including his 401(k) and his personal accounts. I am the only family member taking care of him. His wife passed away two months ago. He has expressed his wishes to me verbally. (I have recorded him stating this.) He does not want my sister or his other family members to inherit anything.

Should I honor his wishes and accept it all? My sister, who calls him occasionally, thinks she should get half of his estate when he passes. (It could be five or 10 years from now.) Should I honor his wishes or split it 50-50 to keep the peace? -- EYE TO THE FUTURE IN TEXAS

DEAR EYE: I am very glad you wrote. Although you have your grandfather on tape expressing his wishes about the distribution of his estate, it is crucial they be discussed with an attorney who specializes in estate planning! Those wishes should be put in writing and notarized so there will be no confusion about his intentions or his reason for apportioning his estate the way he is doing. Your sister will be furious when she gets the news, and you may need legal protection, so be prepared.

DEAR ABBY: My son is 20 and a senior in college. He's a baseball player and is about to ask the girl he's been dating for a year and a half to marry him. My wife and I don't get along with her at all. She has a myriad of health problems and takes eight prescriptions a day. Because of her conditions, she rarely has the energy to do anything but lie around when she comes to our house. She used to have a job packing groceries at a market, and she would frequently log 10 to 12 miles a day walking. She quit that job for a job at an ice cream shop where she does little walking.

We had a get-together at my other son's house, and she said she couldn't come because she was too tired. My wife sent my son a message saying, "Really? From scooping ice cream?" The girlfriend needed to use my son's phone and saw the message. Her feelings were hurt, and now she will have nothing to do with us. (They still expect us to pay for their wedding, and for gas and maintenance on his car to visit her parents almost daily.) We want to support our son, but we are over it with her. There is so much more I could tell you. Please help. -- DAD WHO'S OVER IT

DEAR DAD: If your son's fiancee is taking eight medications a day, she has real health problems. Her fatigue is likely part of it. It's a shame she can't perform up to your expectations. Under the circumstances, I can understand why she would be hurt by your wife's comment. If you want to support your son, apologize to her.

I should also point out that if your son is not self-supporting, he is not yet financially prepared for the responsibilities that marriage brings with it. His fiancee may be willing to help, but her income is limited right now and could diminish to nothing if she becomes sicker. Given the current situation, it might be better if the wedding were postponed.

DEAR ABBY: My brother and his wife have three adult children. When his youngest daughter got married several years ago, my sisters and I were not invited to the bridal shower. We were told it was because it was too costly, but it still caused hurt feelings on our side. I know her other aunts were invited.

Should I say anything to my brother? I'm only asking because now his eldest daughter is engaged. I assume my sisters and I will again be excluded. I just keep wondering if they don't like us or what happened. I don't remember doing anything to them growing up or speaking ill of them or their mother. Must I just let it go and move on? -- UNINVITED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR UNINVITED: Rather than wait and wonder, call your brother and congratulate him on his daughter's engagement. When you do, tell him you and your sisters would love to come to the shower. His response will tell you what you need to know. If it doesn't, follow up that question with another about whether you may have done anything to cause a rift in the family.

DEAR ABBY: For nearly 30 years, my husband and I shared a close, trusting marriage. Months ago, I caught him lying about meetings he was having with a 35-year-old colleague. Then I discovered months of ongoing texts. When I asked for an explanation, he became angry and defensive. His explanation was it was work-related, that I was too controlling and that I was making a big deal out of nothing.

Because I believed this was not a trivial situation, I pressed for some resolution. Unfortunately, further discussions were heated with no resolve, just more withdrawn behavior while the communications continued.

Recently, he informed me that he realizes his behavior was unacceptable and he has ceased the communication. He said he loves only me, and he wants me to trust him again. My problem is, after all his secrecy, lies and defensiveness, I can't do that. He now carries on like nothing has happened, hoping to regain my trust. But for me, the trust has been broken.

After many years of what I thought was a loving marriage, I was blindsided. I have always valued your advice, so please help me to put things in perspective. -- BLINDSIDED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR BLINDSIDED: For nearly 30 years, you had what you thought was a solid relationship with your husband. It is now apparent that he screwed up royally. My question to you is: What do YOU want from now on? It is possible to rebuild trust after infidelity, but it will take work from both of you.

Do you want to sacrifice what you and your husband built together and forge ahead on your own? Your husband cannot act like nothing has happened, because something did. If the two of you are open to healing your broken marriage, it may require the help of a licensed marriage and family therapist, and it may take some time. The ball is in your court.

DEAR ABBY: "Carole" and I have been friends for 30-plus years. Her marriage was great as long as her husband wasn't using drugs. When he was using, he would abuse her verbally, physically and emotionally. He passed away, and she's now dating an abusive alcoholic. When he's not drinking (which is, maybe, three days a month) he's very sweet. I have tried telling her that she's enabling him, but she says she "loves" him. How can I get her to open her eyes before something bad happens? -- WORRIED FRIEND IN ARIZONA

DEAR FRIEND: What Carole really means when she says she "loves" this addict is that she needs the companionship he provides, and she's willing to put up with the abuse for three good days a month. Health care providers are required to make a report if they provide medical services to a patient who they suspect is suffering from an injury due to abuse. Short of hauling her to an emergency room if he physically abuses her, there is nothing you can do to "save" her. Let her know you are there for her in times of need and give her the number of the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233.