DEAR ABBY: Our 23-year-old son, "Ed," was clean-cut, into working out and staying healthy, watched his diet -- he even joined a gym and was going every week. Ed has been dating a girl, "Emily," who is the complete opposite. She's probably a hundred pounds overweight. She's also dirty, (when she comes here, there have been days she doesn't take a shower).

Twice I have found Emily's lingerie on the floor. Last week, she left a pair of her panties on the bathroom floor. I showed Ed and told him that was the second time I had found her underwear (the first time I didn't say anything). I said, "You have to talk to Emily and tell her not to leave her underwear laying around."

I see a change in Ed. My son hasn't cut his hair in 2 1/2 years and he no longer appears to be as into working out. This is not who we are as a family. My husband and I are fit for our ages (60s) and by all standards clean and orderly. Should I say anything to Ed? I feel like Emily is changing who he is. -- NOT THE SAME IN THE EAST

DEAR NOT THE SAME: Please stop blaming Emily for the changes you have observed. Your son is making those changes himself. Although his girlfriend appears to be ignorant about basic hygiene, I am not sure you are the parent who should discuss this with Ed. He might be less defensive if "the talk" comes from his father, man to man.

I am unclear if your son still lives in the home with you or if he and his girlfriend have a place of their own. If it's the former, you would certainly be within your rights to point out that you have a hamper for soiled clothes and to please use it. If they live separately, consider gifting them one for their place.

DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away three years ago. We were married for 56 years. Four months prior to our large, California, Catholic wedding, we eloped and were married secretly in Las Vegas. No one ever found out. Coming from a Hispanic family, my father wouldn't have been receptive, so we said nothing. In retrospect, it was a stupid thing to do. I was only 19, and he was 22. When he retired from law enforcement, we relocated to Washington, where I still live.

I have two adult daughters, and I'm wondering if this is something they need to know. I still have our Las Vegas marriage certificate, along with our California marriage certificate -- the one we always celebrated as our anniversary date. Would it be wrong to tear up the Las Vegas certificate and take this secret to my grave? -- WONDERING IN WASHINGTON

DEAR WONDERING: I don't think an elopement between a young couple who are deeply in love is anything to be ashamed of. Nor do I think your love story is at all "stupid." As long as they hurt no one, folks are entitled to a few "secrets." If you wish to take this one to your grave, it's your privilege, and you will get no argument from me. I would, however, point out that because your first marriage license is a legal document, rather than destroy it, keep it under lock and key until you have left this earthly toil.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I love our 7- and 2-year-old grandchildren very much and enjoy spending time with them. The issue is, we feel we are being taken advantage of. Our daughter and her husband are still married but lead separate lives. He works out of town and comes home most weekends. Her weekends usually begin on Friday when she "has to" have someone keep the kids until he gets home (if he comes home). She returns on Sunday night when he leaves for work.

Our daughter expects us to pick up the grandkids from school and/or the babysitter on Friday and keep them every weekend. She doesn't ask; it's assumed we will do it. If we say we can't, or make other plans, all hell breaks loose. It's the end of the world because she has to change her plans. We have tried talking calmly with her about it, but then she threatens to not let us see the children at all. We're exhausted and don't know what to do. -- VEXED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR VEXED: Tell your entitled daughter firmly that she will have to make other arrangements for the children on two weekends a month because you and your husband are exhausted and need time to yourselves. Remind her that when she started a family, the children became her (not your) primary responsibility. You have generously given her free babysitting services for many years. Those services are expensive, as she will learn when she starts pricing them out. I seriously doubt she will react by depriving you of seeing them. It would be cutting off her nose to spite her face.

DEAR ABBY: Three months ago, my husband was diagnosed with metastatic squamous cell carcinoma that had originated in his lungs and spread throughout his body. He died last month after a brutal battle with this horrifying disease. He was a former smoker and had worked in a factory that exposed him to various chemicals. During his struggle, we learned that getting a CT scan of his lungs every year would have detected his deadly cancer. His doctor never advised him to have this simple scan that could have identified it early in its development and possibly saved his life. Unfortunately, neither he nor I knew the importance of asking for the test.

A CT is a straightforward, low-cost scan generally covered by most insurers when it has been 15 years or less since quitting smoking or when other exposures are present. Please share this message with your readers and encourage those with risk factors to request this essential procedure. It could make the difference between early detection and treatment or a life-and-death struggle with this lethal disease. -- SORROWFUL IN INDIANA

DEAR SORROWFUL: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your husband. I lost my husband to lung cancer, and I know how silently aggressive it can be. (He, too, was diagnosed at stage 4, although he had not been exposed to the risk factors your husband was.) I am grateful that you wrote about how important a diagnostic tool a CT scan can be. Readers, please think about her important message and have a conversation about it with your doctor.

DEAR ABBY: My parents got into an argument because my father saw my mother looking at an old photo of herself from when she was younger. (It had been sent by her cousin via text.) In it, she was sitting next to "an ex-boyfriend or friend." My father thought it was disrespectful, but my mother didn't agree.

Mom thought it was trivial for him to get upset since she was only 18 or 19 and the photo was taken 45 years ago. It was way before my mother had even met my father. Later, she mentioned to Dad that she remembered seeing an old picture of him and his ex-wife dressed up for a concert. He denied it, and she didn't get upset.

She told me later she doesn't regret receiving the picture because she no longer has romantic feelings for my father. You see, my parents are not legally married; they are just roommates splitting the bills together. I don't know how to feel about this. I don't want to be involved, but they both have come to me separately expressing their feelings about it. What are your thoughts? -- IN THE MIDDLE IN TEXAS

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: I suspect that your father was less upset about the arrival of that 45-year-old photo than he is about the fact that your mother no longer has romantic feelings for him. I also think you should stay out of this and no longer allow yourself to be put in the middle, which is what your parents are trying to do.

DEAR ABBY: An old friend of 50 years has recently been diagnosed with early Alzheimer's. She's still conducting her life as usual, driving and taking care of her banking, etc. However, she has lost her filter and talks to me about my figure ("Your thighs are shockingly thin"), and also my health ("Are you going to die? My mother had a cough like that, and she died"). I am struggling to control my anger at her presumptuousness and holding myself back from some very apt and mean comebacks. I don't seem to be able to let this go. I don't want to abandon her during this time (I took care of my husband with dementia for 17 years), but at the same time, I don't need to spend weeks spinning after her insensitive and cruel comments. Any ideas? -- INSULTED IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR INSULTED: If your friend is still well enough to "conduct her life as usual," she is also well enough to be told that you don't appreciate her comments. You don't have to jump down her throat, but do tell her that if they don't stop, she will be seeing less of you. When her Alzheimer's worsens, you may have to repeat it or redirect the conversation away from you.