DEAR ABBY: I need help! I am a 50-plus-year-old, married, well-educated woman. I am also a kleptomaniac and I'm not proud of it. It started a few years back when I accidentally left an item in my shopping cart. Since then, I have found it easy to take things -- shoes, makeup, jewelry, clothing.

I am out of control. I know it's wrong. I tell myself, "That's it! I will not steal." Then I go and do it again. I want to stop this madness within myself, but I can't tell anyone. Please help me. -- TAKING WHAT'S NOT MINE IN TENNESSEE

DEAR TAKING: Stopping this "madness within yourself" on your own obviously isn't working. Embarrassing as it may be, the time has come to admit to someone who is qualified to help you that you need it. Your doctor or medical insurance company may be able to refer you to a licensed psychotherapist while keeping the matter confidential. Please don't wait to reach out.

DEAR ABBY: I went to dinner with a friend who had told me a couple of years ago that he was an alcoholic and had gone into rehab. Since that time, I have had doubts about his sobriety due to his serious family problems and his subsequent statement to me that, after one year of therapy, he decided he "was not an alcoholic."

When we had dinner recently, I ordered a glass of wine, and he ordered his usual Diet Coke. At the end of dinner, I went to the restroom and on my way back I saw him take a couple of sips of my leftover wine. When I returned to the table, I said nothing. I'm not sure if that was the right thing to do. If not, what should I have said to witnessing an alcoholic have a drink? -- SURPRISED IN NEW YORK

DEAR SURPRISED: At the end of therapy, a problem drinker does not announce that he is not an alcoholic. Your friend may be an alcoholic in recovery, but he still is one. It appears from your letter that his sobriety may be a bit wobbly. If the two of you are very close friends, you could have told him you saw what he did. If you are not, then you were right to remain silent because it wouldn't have been helpful.

DEAR ABBY: My son was conceived using donor sperm. I never told him because his deceased father didn't want him to know he wasn't his biological father, and they loved each other dearly.

My son, now in his 30s, has done the DNA thing and is now questioning why he's 60% Jewish when that isn't in either family. I'm torn about whether I should tell him. I feel awful for not telling him as a child. I'm afraid this could be too big a shock for him. -- WORRIED MOM IN NEVADA

DEAR WORRIED MOM: "Children" are more resilient than we sometimes think. You should not leave this world with this unfinished business. Your son deserves to know that because your husband felt that revealing that you needed artificial insemination to conceive would make him seem less manly, you couldn't disclose this important information while he was living. How sad is that, because it wouldn't have made him less loved or less of a role model.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 48-year-old woman. When I was 17, I hooked up with this guy who was part of my friend group. I knew he had a crush on me, so I decided to have sex with him in his car. It meant nothing to me, but everything to him.

He has tried to reach me over the years. If I was married, he was single. After my first husband died, I did meet up with him briefly. I guess I shouldn't have done that. I asked him if he wanted to date, but he was married. (His marriage didn't last long.) Then he was upset that I met a wonderful man and was dating.

That wonderful man and I are now married, and my old high school hookup is pouting and upset. He's declaring his love for me and insisting that I leave my husband for him. I'm not going to do that. Is the fact that he is still in love with me after 30 years romantic or creepy? -- GOT HISTORY IN TEXAS

DEAR GOT HISTORY: It appears your old high school hookup hasn't grown emotionally since those days. What is going on in his head isn't romantic; it is disrespectful. His unwillingness or inability to move forward in his own life is somewhat creepy. Say that when you tell him to quit bothering you and your husband and get on with his own life. After that, if necessary, block him.

DEAR ABBY: My son and daughter-in-law had their first child three months ago. This was the first grandchild on both sides. Her mother stayed with her for two weeks after the cesarean birth. I have no issues with that.

My issue is, my son told me I needed to leave when they and the baby came home from the hospital. Mind you, I live 6 1/2 hours away. I fought him to get at least three days when they got home. Then he said I needed to leave, but he never told his father-in-law to leave. Also, on the days I did stay, they asked me to get a motel while her parents stayed with them. I only got to go over during the day.

When I told my son my feelings were hurt, he said I was being a drama queen. I did respect everything they asked. I just want to know if I was wrong for sharing my feelings or should I have remained quiet. It has caused friction between us now. -- SECOND-CLASS IN TENNESSEE

DEAR SECOND-CLASS: This situation is not about you. It is about a brand-new baby and adjusting to parenthood. You may have come on too strong and expected too much when you said what you did. Your daughter-in-law was recovering from surgery after her first child and needed her mother, not her mother-in-law. Her father was probably part of the package deal. This isn't a competition, and if you make it one, you will become even less welcome than you are now.

DEAR ABBY: I am a mother of three girls, 25, 21 and about to be 15. My youngest has always lived with me. Her father and I separated when she was 1. They always had a good relationship. Over the last couple of years, after he moved to another state and married, our co-parenting relationship has changed for the worse.

My youngest has always complained about spending time with him. Sometimes, she came home crying because she didn't want to go with him. She's a freshman in high school now, and out of the blue, she told me she wants to live with him and finish high school in that state. This has broken my heart. I don't want her to leave me. She tells me it's because the schools are better there, which will help her get into a good college.

I don't know if my ex has said anything to her or if that's really what she wants. I don't know how to handle this. I feel I am losing my child. All of my girls have always lived with me, and the older girls have yet to leave me. -- NERVOUS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NERVOUS: Are you and your ex not on speaking terms? You might gain some insight if you talk with him and his wife about the quality of the schools in their area, not to mention if they're open to having full-time custody of your daughter.

You and your youngest should be having a series of conversations about this major change in her life. The talk should not be about you and your fear of losing your baby. It should revolve around her plans for college and how she plans to achieve that goal.

Although your daughter is young, many parents would feel proud rather than threatened by their child giving serious thought to her future at such a young age.

DEAR ABBY: I am one of three sisters. Our family is pretty close-knit for birthdays and celebrations. However, it has become increasingly problematic in terms of finances. My siblings and I do well, and it's often assumed that I am doing very well. I know I am blessed to have my job, but with this income comes sizable expenses such as private school, sports clubs and my own children's birthdays.

My problem is, my middle sister contacted me about hosting a celebration for our younger sister's approaching milestone birthday. Over the years, it has frequently fallen on our shoulders to finance her birthday celebrations. Her husband never lifts a finger or offers to pay for them. I'm tired of having to foot a bill of between $500 to $1,000, but I don't want to be a grinch, either. I have my own family expenses. Am I being unreasonable? -- DRAINED SIS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DRAINED SIS: You are not being unreasonable; you are stating facts. Have a frank talk with your middle sister about your feelings. Tell her you think it's time for the two of you to approach this brother-in-law and suggest he pitch in for his wife's milestone birthday. And in the future, if you plan to host any more birthday parties for her, make them more modest.