DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for 40 years. Her 42-year-old son came to live with us four months ago. He has never worked in his life and does nothing. I'm supporting him now. Tonight, my wife told me, "Don't forget about the trash. The pickup comes early in the morning, and I know you don't want to get up at 5 to put it out." I said, "Have your son do it. He doesn't do anything except sleep all day and eat all night." "Well, he's in bed already," she responded. So I took the trash out and finished the dishes. He walked past me to go outside and have a cigarette (that I bought). Am I wrong to be mad? My wife says I'm wrong. -- IMPOSED UPON IN NORTH DAKOTA

DEAR IMPOSED UPON: You say the son is 42, and you have been married to his mother since he was 2. Who raised him? Was he with his father? Is there something wrong with him that you omitted from your letter? Why is he living with you? Why hasn't he found a job so he could contribute to his room and board?

When you pointed out that because you are supporting her son, HE and not you should take out the garbage, she should have awakened him and informed him his help was needed. For your sake (and his), put your foot down. You not only have the right to be mad, but you also have the right to make your feelings known.

DEAR ABBY: My father died by suicide three years ago. My sister, who was initially supportive, later drunk-dialed our mother and said a bunch of nasty things about her and me. Mom didn't cut the conversation short and later told me what was said, which included that Dad had done it because my other sister and I are "unstable" and because he was sick.

I haven't talked to my alcoholic sister for a few years now. She previously ruined a family holiday with a different drunken outburst. She also squandered some money I had given her for a car. I want to confront her, but I know she'll deny, deflect it back and try to insult me. I have no time for this.

I am disabled with severe recurrent depression and anxiety. I was the one who found Dad after the suicide, and it deeply affected me. I'm floored that not only would my sister not understand this, but that she'd continue backbiting me.

Should I reach out and tell her why I haven't answered her texts from right after it happened? (She doesn't talk on the phone, only texts.) -- SON/BROTHER IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SON/BROTHER: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the tragic loss of your father. I can't imagine the degree of shock and trauma finding him must have caused you. By now, you must realize that your sister is not a well woman. Whoever has been telling you about the nasty things she has been saying about you should be told you no longer want to hear it. This includes your mother. As for confronting your sister, I recommend against it. She isn't going to change. If you haven't been receiving help for your own issues, it's time to reach out for some. You are entitled to it. And, for your own sake, continue to avoid your sister and her toxicity.

DEAR ABBY: I am struggling with a recent diagnosis of severe liver disease (non-alcoholic) and need to lose 30 pounds. I have had two bouts of cancer in five years as well as arthritis. I have dedicated myself to explicitly following my doctor's directions to eat organic and low-fat foods and to exercise daily to improve my liver. I face surgery in the next few months.

I live with family members who claim to be supportive yet get angry when I turn down invitations to all-you-can-eat buffets, buttered popcorn at movies, fast food and pastries. One stormed off when I turned down a visit to a deli for a huge salami sandwich! I politely said I wasn't hungry, which was true. After this argument, I lost focus. I stopped weighing myself daily and began backsliding.

I am no longer hopeful about improving my health. These family members are well aware of my diagnosis because they were present at the medical consultation. How can I stay strong without moving out? It is my house! -- SICK AND TIRED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SICK AND TIRED: It's time to reaffirm your desire to live. Because of your health problems, this will mean making changes that will be lifelong. Ask your doctor for a referral to a registered dietitian who can guide you in making those adjustments, and when you have your first consultations, bring your sabotaging relatives with you. When they deliberately tempt you to stray from this lifesaving program, they are encouraging you to risk your life. If they are unwilling to get on board, then they -- not you -- should move out.

DEAR ABBY: Every time my granddaughter and I talk, she always tells me to let her talk. I'm getting older, and one day I won't be here for her to tell me to let her talk. Believe me, I know. I'd give anything to talk to my Big Mama once more. I finally blew up and told her that one day I won't be here and to have a good day. I haven't spoken to her since.

Most of the time, I have to call or go by to see my great-grandsons, if I see them at all. I'm tired of being the only one to make an effort. I love her with all my heart, but my heart has feelings, too. Please advise. -- OVERLOOKED IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR OVERLOOKED: I know you are hurting, and for that I am sorry. But when someone says, "Let ME talk," it usually means that the other talker is hogging the conversation. I doubt your granddaughter said it to be mean. She may be busier than you are. Conversations are supposed to be shared, not turned into lectures. Because you have important life lessons you want to impart, consider writing them in a journal or recording them.

Since you seem to be making all the effort to see your great-grandsons, perhaps it's time to concentrate less on your children's children and put more effort into socializing with contemporaries. If you do, you may find it equally, if not more, rewarding.

DEAR ABBY: My son is a loving husband, father and son. He coaches his 12-year-old son, my grandson, in various sports and sometimes is just a spectator. I'm worried because he often berates his son's playing ability. He has yelled at him during and after games, whether he is coaching or not. He yelled and screamed at him in front of everyone and later at home.

I have told my son, to no avail, that it's OK to give constructive criticism but without the yelling. I also have told him how it crushes my grandson each time he does this. My daughter-in-law is also at a loss for how to change his behavior. My husband coached my son in sports when he was young and he was hard on him, too. I love my family dearly, but I don't know what to do in this situation. Abby, what do you think we should do? -- 'HEARTACHING' GRANDMA IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR GRANDMA: Your son may be a loving husband, but he could use some coaching as a father. Someone should point out to him that when a parent bullies a child about his poor athletic performance, it rarely produces a positive result. It makes him lose interest in the sport and damages the youth's self-esteem, and the effects can sometimes last a lifetime.

After your grandson has had enough of the verbal abuse, don't be shocked if he drops out of the sport. Your son should have learned from the terrible example his own father set that this kind of "coaching" usually doesn't produce the desired result. He should take out his aggression elsewhere.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, my mom invited all of my family on an international trip during the month of October. One year ago, my sister called me asking if I could "cover some things" for her. When I agreed and asked why, she said she and our parents were going on the international trip four months early. I was shocked.

No one had said the departure date was being moved up. When I asked my other sister about it, she was also still under the impression we were going in October. When I brought it up to my mom, she got very defensive and said we were all invited to come. No, we were not! The plans changed, and only one sister and her family were included.

They are on the trip now, and I don't want any part of it. They are posting pictures to our family group chat, and I have decided not to look at them. I'm not sure how to move forward from here. I'm sad and frustrated over this, while they are pretending everything is fine. -- LEFT BEHIND IN COLORADO

DEAR LEFT: When your mother and sister return from that trip there needs to be a frank "family discussion" about what went wrong and why neither felt it was necessary to inform you that you and your other sister were excluded and why. Pretending something that happened never happened never works out, and if it isn't repaired, the fallout can be long-lasting.