DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have had a tumultuous relationship. Right now, it's good, but the issue I'm having is that his bed is super uncomfortable and so is his couch. He spent a lot of money for both of them, but I am unable to sleep or get comfortable on his couch. How do I tell him he needs to replace them or else I don't want to spend the night with him or watch movies on the couch at his house? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN TEXAS

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Start by telling your boyfriend that you can't get a good night's sleep in his bed because the mattress is uncomfortable for you. Do the same thing after watching TV on his couch. If your back needs more support, he shouldn't regard it a personal insult. Then invite him to your place so he won't feel rejected.

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my daughter went "no contact" with both sides of our family -- grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles, as well as cousins. Since then, I have been struggling with how I should answer acquaintances who ask, "How is she doing?" as well as those who ask, "Do you have children?"

I have been told by friends and family that I should tell the acquaintances that I don't know why because she doesn't speak to the family. However, I have found this response leads to more uncomfortable questions. I am embarrassed to have to tell people "Yes, but she does not speak to us" -- and worse, try to answer "Why?" Lately, I have been telling people, "No, we don't have children" so I won't have to explain.

Can you advise me how I can answer these questions without explanations, embarrassment or lies? -- FORMER PARENT IN WASHINGTON

DEAR FORMER PARENT: As a matter of fact, I can. Tell the questioner, "I have one daughter. We are estranged, and I don't wish to discuss it further." Period. It's the truth.

DEAR ABBY: As I approach my 100th birthday, I wish you would educate people that a gift certificate for a meal from a restaurant or a donation to feed the hungry would be far more appreciated than bouquets of expensive flowers that wilt and die. It would also be a thoughtful gift to my caretaker, who prepares my meals and could use a break. Choices for seniors become fewer as we age, and good meals are one of the simple pleasures left. Thank you. -- CENTENARIAN IN GEORGIA

DEAR CENTENARIAN: Warmest congratulations as you near your milestone birthday. Your suggestion that a restaurant gift certificate is far more practical than receiving flowers (or an automatically renewing magazine subscription) is a good one. I hope readers will appreciate the spirit in which it was offered. I especially like the fact that you would use it to spare your caregiver the pressure of preparing at least one of your meals.

DEAR ABBY: My parents have been divorced for almost 30 years. My father is still furious with my mother, and she is indifferent toward him.

My son is about to graduate from high school, and both grandparents want to attend the ceremony and dinner afterward. However, Dad refuses to be in proximity, or even sight line, to my mom. He wants me to plan the day so there is no chance they will cross paths -- separate cars, separate routes, separate seats, separate photos, separate meals at different restaurants.

My brother did this when his kid graduated, and it was a lot of work. It is silly. They are 75 years old and should be able to sit down the row from each other without throwing a tantrum. I want to hand out tickets to the ceremony and make one dinner reservation, and anyone who wants to come and be civil is welcome.

My son is upset with me because his grandfather is guilt-tripping him about us not "making it possible" for him to be at the graduation. However, my son isn't willing to take over the logistical strategizing for how my parents can enter and leave the building with no chance of interacting.

Am I right that this is silly? For what it's worth, Mom doesn't care one way or the other. -- DAUGHTER WITH A DILEMMA

DEAR DAUGHTER: What your father refuses to recognize is that these special occasions are NOT all about him and his grudge against your mother, presumably for having the audacity to leave him.

Because you are unwilling to jump through hoops to accommodate his childish, demanding behavior, tell your father that if he can't bury the hatchet on this special occasion and celebrate your son's achievement, you will understand and omit him from the guest list. The choice is his to make -- whether to celebrate his grandson's milestone or continue to feed his grudge.

DEAR ABBY: After his regular job, my middle-aged son drives for a ride-sharing company late into the night. He works hard because he needs the extra money to support his wife (who also works outside the home) and their three children.

I am not wealthy, but when I noticed his car was a very old piece of junk with 300,000 miles on it and leaked oil and water, I gave him $25,000 to buy a new one. I asked him not to tell anyone except his immediate family. Instead, he told his wife and children that HE had purchased the new car and made no mention of Grandpa (me).

I was hoping for a little goodwill from my grandchildren (who were thrilled with the car) and maybe even my daughter-in-law. Something like "Gee, thanks, Grandpa, that was thoughtful and generous of you." Was I wrong? -- NO THANKS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NO THANKS: According to many religions, the highest form of charity is that which is anonymous. Your gift to your son came from the heart, but it shouldn't have been given expecting to be thanked by your grandchildren. Your son is safe, thanks to your generosity, and that in itself should be your reward.

DEAR ABBY: I started a new job a year and a half ago. It's in a small office. My boss and I are the only employees. I enjoy the job very much, but there's an aspect of it that has really started to wear on me. Increasingly, my boss has been asking me to take care of personal tasks for him that are unrelated to the business. I understand that he has no one else to rely on, but it shouldn't be my problem. I'm a single mom with two kids, and I already have enough on my plate.

The final straw was when I asked for the day off to spend with my entire family, and he asked me to pick up his pets in the afternoon (to save him the cost of having them boarded overnight) and give him a ride home from the airport at 9:30 p.m. I had to leave my family gathering to do this.

Part of me knows it wasn't fair of him to ask for these things. I don't want to lie and say I can't, but "I don't want to" seems petty. I have enough trouble running my own household without helping out with another. How do I say this without losing my job? -- NO WORK-WIFE IN IDAHO

DEAR NO WORK-WIFE: For your boss to expect you to run errands for him without being compensated is taking advantage of you. The first thing I would do if I were in your shoes would be to start exploring the job market in your community. Then, if I found anything that suited my particular skills, I would have a talk with my boss and explain that I have responsibilities after working hours that make it difficult to comply with his requests.

If he values what you contribute to his business, he may figure out another way to get his errands run. However, if he doesn't, you will have another job lined up.

DEAR ABBY: My mother has cancer that has metastasized, and my family is now expecting me to talk to her. We haven't had a relationship in nine years, ever since she moved out of state with her boyfriend. Abby, our relationship has been toxic ever since she found out she was pregnant with me almost 35 years ago. My family expects me to put out a "fire" I didn't start, just because she is sick. The last time she was in town, I held her accountable for the choices she's made, and she exploded. She screamed, cussed at me and disrespected me in my home.

Am I cruel for standing my ground and refusing to be mistreated by her? Must I please my family and succumb to their pressure to surrender my peace? What if my mother survives only to abuse me again? -- VICTIMIZED IN OHIO

DEAR VICTIMIZED: Your mother's illness is terminal. What you must decide is whether you would like to make peace with her for yourself, NOT because relatives are pressuring you into it. If the answer to that question is no, tell these well-meaning relatives that because of the abuse you suffered at her hands from the time you were little, you feel you lost your mother years ago and you are not comfortable contacting her now.