DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 33 years. My husband is great and treats me well. We've had no problems. I recently got in contact with my first boyfriend from 40 years ago. We have been texting on a daily basis. We also talk on the phone and so on and so forth. All the feelings I had for him have resurfaced, which is not a good thing, since I'm married.

I have shed many tears over him (he is also married) and can't stop thinking about him. Do I stay with the husband I have been with for 33 years or take a chance with the old boyfriend? He says he still loves me and has never forgotten about me. Would he divorce his wife to be with me? Probably. I'm torn between two lovers and feeling like a fool. Advice? -- FACING A CHOICE IN THE EAST

DEAR FACING: Who reached out to whom first? If it was you, why did you open Pandora's box looking for this man? And why have you continued these texts and phone calls "and so on and so forth"? I urge you to explore this before blowing up a marriage of 33 years with a husband who is great and treats you well. Would your first love marry you? Who knows? Would your husband ever forgive you? Maybe not. Please run this by a licensed therapist who can help you straighten out the strudel in your noodle.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter-in-law is very opinionated. At times, we get along. But, in the past, she has upset me by accusing me of not doing the right thing. She and my son have two young children together and full custody of his son from another mother.

I complimented my grandson on looking after his little sister at her birthday party and was told that this wasn't the case, as she was being bullied by the other girls while he stood by and watched. My grandson has been through a lot, and I got upset and said to my son, "Perhaps you need to consider the partners you choose!" Bear in mind, this was all done via text.

I have given help with my grandchildren whenever it was requested. My daughter in-law is now accusing me of preferring my grandson over her children, which is not the case. We now have a fractured relationship and can't seem to resolve it. Please, can you help? -- FRACTURED IN AUSTRALIA

DEAR FRACTURED: Your grandchildren all share the same father, regardless of who their mothers are. Your grandson could have handled the bullying problem better than he did, but he may not have known how to step in. (Or may not have felt he was strong enough to intervene.)

If you weren't fully aware of what was going on, you couldn't have known the compliment you gave the boy was unwarranted. HOWEVER, for you to have told your son what you did about his wife was insulting and unkind. Begin apologizing profusely to her and your son for losing your temper and saying something so hurtful. If you do, it may begin to heal the breach.

DEAR ABBY: My dad is a registered sex offender who has done time for his crimes against children. My mother has continued to have contact with him and has repeatedly chosen him over her own children. She doesn't respect our wishes, and we believe she gives him information about our lives and our images.

With a child on the way, I cannot continue the same level of contact with her because of this. I'm not willing to have my child be at her home because she has Dad there often. I'm also unwilling to give her photographs of my child because I believe she would share them with Dad. I won't leave her alone with my little one because I believe she'd immediately set up a get-together for my sex offender dad to have contact with my child.

How should I handle setting these boundaries? What do I do if other members of my family blame me for splitting up our family? -- MAMA BEAR IN OHIO

DEAR MAMA BEAR: You are the mama (bear), and you get to set the rules when it comes to who has access to your child. Because you cannot trust your mother not to ignore the boundaries you are setting, you will have to restrict her access to her grandchild. If this causes problems with other family members, so be it. You don't have to apologize to anyone for doing your job. Sex offenders are supposed to stay away from minor children after they have served their time. If they don't do that, they should be reported to the police.

DEAR ABBY: Is there ever a way to give unsolicited advice in a way it can be appreciated? A co-worker I've become friendly with spent the weekend in the hospital with off-the-charts high blood pressure. She went to the clinic for a headache last Friday, and they sent her to the ER immediately. I'm very worried she's going to have a stroke.

She's in an unhappy marriage to a man who is mean. When they fight, which is often, she retreats and goes out to eat in order to avoid him and feel better. She has also started drinking every night (she kids about how much wine she buys) and has put on a lot of weight. When she talks about trying to get healthy, we plan walking dates or to go to yoga at lunch.

What I really want to do is ask, "Have you thought about marriage counseling?" because if she could lower her relationship stress, the other things might be easier. She hasn't asked for my advice. Should I give it anyway? -- MINDING MY BUSINESS

DEAR MINDING: Eventually, yes. However, before you do that, please tell your co-worker she needs to have a serious talk with her physician about her blood pressure problem. There is medication for it, as well as certain dietary restrictions. After she has done that -- and her blood pressure is stabilized -- would be the time to suggest she talk with a marriage and family therapist about how to improve her relationship with her husband.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single man with no siblings. My elderly father passed away eight months ago. My mother is now in hospice with a life expectancy of weeks to months. My parents have lived long and productive lives, and I'm proud of both of them. We have always been very close. Since their terminal illnesses, I have managed to function fairly well.

My problem is with certain "triggers." For example, I can no longer go to the beach because I always remember my father's voice welcoming me home when I returned. The worst one is when people see my childhood photos and say, "Your parents must have loved you a lot."

I know these people mean well, but I can't help grieving over the bond I had and have lost with my parents. I plan to seek counseling, but I would appreciate any advice you would have about reducing the effect of these triggers. -- THEIR SON IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SON: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your father. You may need help coping with the pain of losing him, as well as dealing with your mother's sad prognosis. When a loved one dies, there are, of course, bittersweet memories. Managing them is an individual process.

If you haven't joined a grief support group, I urge you to find one. If the group setting doesn't provide enough help for the overwhelming emotions you are feeling, a licensed psychotherapist can offer more support. The people helping your mother with her hospice care surely can suggest some resources for you. Please don't put it off. Start now.

DEAR ABBY: How long would you give your partner to get a full-time job? What if that partner was helpful in other areas of the household, brought in rental income from a home he owned and helped with the kids? I am in a predicament.

My spouse has been working as an adjunct professor since we met and has remained in that career for 17 years without benefits or a salary that can support us. We have children now, and I have been working my tail off for more than 10 years to provide a lifestyle for our family.

Would you let your husband continue in his dream of adjunct professor, or make him get an additional part-time job to bring in more income? And would you leave this person if he didn't want to do more to help provide for the family? -- EXHAUSTED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR EXHAUSTED: Would leaving your husband improve your lifestyle? You and your husband should consult a financial adviser and discuss your situation. From what you have written, your husband doesn't sit around doing nothing. He may be doing his best to contribute in other ways. If the numbers don't add up, it is possible he may need to do something more to generate income. But a word of caution: Do not issue an ultimatum unless you are ready to follow through.