DEAR ABBY: A family member moved here from out of state for work and is staying with us. Unfortunately, a few weeks after their big move, my spouse had a stroke. He is now home from the hospital. We had already offered this family member free room and board to help with the transition to their new job, but I never dreamed a medical emergency would happen.

I want to enjoy my life with my spouse in private without houseguest stress. I would like the family member to sell their old home and get an apartment or buy another home close to their new job soon. Any suggestions on how to speed up the move without causing tension in the family? How do I set a move-out deadline? -- SEEKING A SOLUTION IN THE WEST

DEAR SEEKING: Because of the change in your spouse's health status, your desire for privacy is understandable. Have a talk with your family member. Explain that circumstances have changed since you issued the invitation to stay with you, and ask whether this person's job is supposed to be a permanent one. If it is permanent rather than temporary, it wouldn't be nervy to recommend selling their house to buy one nearby.

If it isn't permanent, then renting an apartment would make sense. Offer to help your relative find one. The conversation needn't be confrontational and shouldn't cause tension. The two of you should be able to agree on a deadline to move.

DEAR ABBY: I recently turned 30, and I find myself in kind of a "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" situation, specifically the scene where Toula's father has invited several Greek men to dinner to try to persuade her to marry one of them. I told my father I am not interested in dating, but he and his boss keep telling me about single Romanian men in their 30s, and Dad wants me to "get married and make babies." How do I politely tell him I am happier and healthier as a single woman, as opposed to being married and a mother when I know FOR SURE I don't want to be one?

For the last 10 years, I have helped out with my twin nephews. I am their main babysitter/nanny. I try to answer my nephews' questions about life within their parents' worldviews, and I clean both my brother's and my nephews' mother's apartments. My decision to remain single and childless hasn't been decided lightly. How can I politely tell my father that I do not want to date anyone, even if some of them are very nice guys? -- ROMANIAN CAT LADY

DEAR LADY: At the age of 30, you should be able to make up your own mind about what you would like your future to be, without arm-twisting or "help" from your father. How about telling him in plain English (or Romanian) exactly what you have told me? From where I sit, for the last 10 years you have been subjected to an extra-large dose of parenting and housekeeping. If that "taste" isn't for you, speak up and say so.

You didn't mention what your living situation is, but if you are still living under your parents' roof, recognize it's time to establish your independence and move out on your own.

DEAR ABBY: I've been divorced for 13 years and have been dating "Paul" for the last five years. Paul is kind, helps with things around the house and loves my friends and family. We share many common interests and enjoy being together. We are now considering moving to the next step: marriage. We already live together.

The problem is that Paul is not financially responsible. He helps pay the bills, and we alternate picking up the tab when we go out. I earn more than he does, which is no big deal, but I do not have retirement set up or great insurance. If we were married, it would help my insurance problems. The house and assets are in my name.

Part of the reason for my divorce was my ex's inability to manage money, which got us into a world of debt. I don't want to go through that again. I'd love to marry Paul but do not want to take on his financial debt. What's the right decision to make? -- STUCK ON THIS IN WISCONSIN

DEAR STUCK: The right thing for you to do would be to discuss this with an attorney who can help you figure out if you really want to be legally married to Paul. Marrying someone to get on his insurance is not the right way to go. Talking with an insurance agent about a program for which you might be eligible would be not only enlightening, but also advantageous.

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Buddy's" daughter is at an age between my two daughters' ages. She is 11; mine are 10 and 13. I've known Buddy since junior high, and our wives get along well. We live close to each other, and that's great, but their daughter "Edie" is a nightmare to have stay with us. She's mean, arrogant, disobedient and incredibly rude.

My wife and I love spending time with Buddy and his wife. Their younger daughter is 3 and adorable but also very spoiled. We don't want to jeopardize our friendship, but it's starting to wear on us to have Edie here without going off on them about her behavior. How can we bring this to their attention without it seeming like we're critiquing their parenting and upsetting them? -- FED UP IN ILLINOIS

DEAR FED UP: Is Edie mean, arrogant, disobedient and rude in the presence of her parents, or has she been invited to spend time with your girls separately? If it is the latter and you don't want Edie to negatively influence your girls by modeling bad behavior, explain to her that you have "certain rules" at your house and what they are. Make sure she knows that if she can't follow the rules she won't be invited again.

If Edie behaves this badly in her parents' presence, tell Buddy and his wife privately that although you value their friendship, you no longer want their daughter over there because you don't want her behavior to influence your own kids.

DEAR ABBY: I've been with my husband for 19 years, and we have established a loving, stable relationship despite some very tumultuous times. I have always known he finds me attractive, and he compliments my appearance, but many times throughout our marriage, his demeanor toward me has changed if someone more attractive is around. (He repeatedly checks out women while we are on a date, or even pretends not to know me when they walk by.) He has never been unfaithful or anything like that.

He recently told me I'm "very attractive" but not beautiful, and that the women he has disrespected me over in the past were more attractive than I am. His comparisons of me vs. them are uncalled-for and embarrassing and have made me question my appearance. I'm not bothered if he finds people attractive, but to treat me poorly because of it and make distinctions between my looks and theirs makes me feel inadequate and judged.

Are my feelings normal? Isn't it understandable to feel put off, or am I nitpicking, immature and expecting too much? -- ATTRACTIVE, NOT BEAUTIFUL

DEAR ATTRACTIVE: Under the circumstances, your feelings are normal. That your husband would "pretend he doesn't know you" is beyond the pale. It's time to quit looking in the mirror and take a hard look at the person you married. From what you have written, your husband is juvenile, shallow, insensitive and not the sharpest tool in the drawer.

Your husband married you for who you are. What he has been doing is unkind and disrespectful. He shouldn't have to wear blinders, but he also should not be courting whiplash ogling women in your presence. Believe me when I say you have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: I moved to a small rural town and haven't made many friends yet. I recently gave up on one friend because I can't accept his behavior toward his puppy. He has always been aggressive in disciplining the pup, but in my estimation, he crossed the line. When his pup tried to bolt out the door to greet me, he started beating it and yanked on its collar.

I told my friend this was unacceptable, and I walked home. He followed me and tried to convince me it was normal to smack a puppy, yell at it and yank on the collar to discipline it. I told him I wasn't interested in being friends unless he's willing to take the pup to obedience training. He said he doesn't need to because he's raised many dogs in the past.

Was I unreasonable to insist he take his pup to obedience class as a condition of our continued friendship? -- DOG WHISPERER IN OREGON

DEAR WHISPERER: If you prefer not to be around someone who abuses animals, that is your choice, and I commend you for it. There are better ways to teach puppies how to behave, and one of them is rewarding good behavior rather than instilling fear. However, to insist that this person take his dog to obedience classes (which might be more than he can afford) may have been presumptuous.