DEAR ABBY: I am a healthy older woman living alone in a building for seniors. I've known some of my neighbors most of my life. I consider us like a family.

My problem is, my 49-year-old daughter, "Jasmine," has been a pill addict for the last 20 years. I've tried repeatedly to help her. I've begged to get her to go to counseling, but she won't. Jasmine is also dealing with some mental problems. She's in a relationship, but barely. Her three children have all but cut her off and she can't understand why.

Jasmine doesn't get that it is her own doing. I love my daughter dearly, but I realize I can't help her in any way now. She has burned all her bridges. I don't see her being around much longer -- it's that bad. I am having panic attacks regularly. How do I let myself off the hook? I'm her mother, and I can't do anything about it. -- GIVING UP IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR GIVING UP: Please accept my sympathy for Jasmine's poor prognosis. When we can't do anything more to save a loved one from themself, we have no choice but to accept what eventually happens.

It's time to talk about your own mental health with someone qualified to help you through what's coming. Your doctor may be able to help with your panic attacks. Your religious adviser may be able to support you emotionally. A licensed psychotherapist would be ideal, as well as your close friends or a grief support group. Please don't wait to reach out.

DEAR ABBY: I am in an unhappy relationship. We have two kids together, but I have reached my limit with him. When I try to express myself or tell him he hurt my feelings, he shoves me and brings me down.

I've been a stay-at-home mom for a while now, and I want my life back. He feels my place is at home, waiting on him hand and foot. I don't want this life anymore. I don't want him putting his hands on me or the kids. He has a bad past that involves the police and jail. How do I get my life back and keep my kids safe, too? -- CRYING OUT FOR HELP

DEAR CRYING OUT: Your abuser doesn't care about your feelings. All he cares about is having a live-in maid and bed partner. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org) by calling 1-800-799-7233 and start forming a safe escape plan for you and your children. If he puts his hands on before you are able to leave, call 911 and let the authorities deal with him.

If you have family nearby, and I pray you do, take the children and stay with them until you can find employment and start earning enough to get back on your feet. Do this not only for yourself, but also for your little ones. The living arrangement you have is not healthy for any of you, and if you don't get out of there ASAP, they will grow up thinking this is normal.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is an adrenaline junkie who loves high speeds and fast cars. I am the opposite. I hate riding in fast cars, on roller coasters or anything adrenaline-related. I have explained to him many times that I don't enjoy going fast in his super-fast car, yet he keeps asking me to go with him. I'll do it sometimes, but I hate it. If I refuse to accompany him, he feels rejected. I have tried saying it nicely, but he keeps insisting I go on fast drives with him. I don't know what to do anymore. Please help. -- SLOWER IN THE U.K.

DEAR SLOWER: You have already expressed your feelings. Your husband has chosen to ignore them. If you prefer not to ride with your adrenaline junkie spouse while he puts pedal to the metal ... DON'T GO! If he pouts because you are terrified, the problem is his. Stop making it yours.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I had dinner with some friends, a married couple. After dinner, we left the restaurant a few minutes apart and, as we were walking to our car, I told my husband the wife was "really intense and sometimes a lot to handle." I didn't realize they were still within earshot. My husband pointed out that they probably heard me, but I'm not sure. Can I do anything? I don't want to apologize if she didn't notice or take offense. But she IS really intense and may be angry. -- OOPS! IN OREGON

DEAR OOPS!: Cross your fingers and wait it out. You will know whether you owe her an apology the next time you or your husband try to invite them out. If you're lucky, she didn't hear you. Next time, wait until you're safely in your car to unsheathe your claws, pussycat.

DEAR ABBY: I need to live with someone because I'm on the verge of being homeless. I have been in homeless shelters, and I have also lived alone, but I can't do that again because it causes my anxiety and depression to act up.

I just started talking to this guy. We are starting to like each other, but we haven't met in person, and I am wondering if you think I could move in with that guy after a month? -- NEEDS SHELTER IN ARIZONA

DEAR NEEDS SHELTER: No, I do not! It would be a huge mistake to move in with anyone you have known for only a month. If you think staying in a shelter until you can get on your feet and be independent causes your anxiety and depression to act up, it would be nothing compared to living with a stranger who might be abusive. As you stated, you haven't even met this person yet. A gamble like this is very risky, and I don't recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: My mom and stepdad ("Hugh") are divorcing after 20 years of marriage. Mom has been involved with scammers for the last two years, giving away money and her Social Security number. I no longer talk to her because of this. She actually expected me to drive her places to meet these men and lend them her money!

My stepdad and I started talking a lot about things involving my mom. We text each other good morning and goodnight. Hugh doesn't have children, and my birth father is in Ohio, so I don't see him often.

The problem is, my husband is saying my relationship with Hugh is "weird," and he is feeling insecure. He says he thinks Hugh and I are attracted to each other. I'm a caregiver by profession, and I'm always there for people. I told Hugh how my husband feels, and now I feel bad about this situation. Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated. -- COMPLICATED IN CAROLINA

DEAR COMPLICATED: If you value your marriage, look at this from your husband's point of view. Checking in every morning and every night with the man your mother is divorcing IS unusual. However, if Hugh had a hand in raising you, commiserating with you is understandable. If your husband feels threatened, perhaps Hugh can explain it to him. Whether or not it allays his fears, it's worth a try.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to a wonderful, intelligent and kind man for many years. We recently retired and are beginning to enjoy our retirement years together. Over the years, we have worked through some tough chapters, but we still share a wonderful bond and respect for each other.

The problem? We drink too much. While I would like to take breaks together or focus instead on healthy activities, my husband adamantly denies he has a problem. He feels I should abstain when I feel like it but, basically, do it by myself, as he has no interest in forgoing alcohol -- ever. Nor will I ever be able to drag him into any form of therapy or counseling. His father was a renowned therapist but a horrible father. My husband is wary of therapy in any form. I'm just not sure how to move forward. -- MODERATION IN THE WEST

DEAR MODERATION: Here's how. Go online and scope out some of the Al-Anon meetings in your area. (I am sure you will find quite a few.) Attend some of those meetings and meet the members who are also involved with alcohol-dependent partners. When you do, you will realize that you are not alone.

Denial is part of the problem with people who have an addiction problem. Because things are not likely to change, you may have to learn to accept your husband as he is and find others who will join you in healthy activities.

DEAR READERS: On this day that celebrates love, I want you to know how much I value the relationship I have with you. Wishing you all a Happy Valentine's Day! -- WITH LOVE, ABBY