DEAR ABBY: My younger brother, "Paul," is 40 and in a rut. He became friends with a friend of mine, "Mitch," whom I met in college. Paul also became good friends with Mitch's wife, "Iris." After a year of close friendship, my brother made a pass at Mitch's wife during a BBQ. He was promptly asked to leave, and they have ceased contact with him.

It has been a year since Mitch spoke to Paul. Mitch has no interest in rekindling the relationship. My brother is convinced that Mitch's wife will leave her husband for him, despite the fact that there has been no communication and she never expressed an interest.

Paul has a longtime therapist who is aware of the issue. I'm concerned that my brother is wasting his life pining after someone who is not an option for him. He has never been married, doesn't have children and lives in an isolated mountain area. He is also jobless and mostly living off an inheritance. I know all of this because it's all Paul ever talks about.

Today, I told him I'm done entertaining this delusion and won't talk to him until he makes some changes. I know I'm venting, but I need to know if I made the right move. Did I? -- WITNESS TO A DISASTER

DEAR WITNESS: I don't think you should completely cease contact with your very mixed-up brother. I do think that if Paul turns a conversation to the subject of Iris, you would be doing him a favor to point out that a relationship with her isn't going to happen. Then turn the conversation toward things that might help him, including finding a job that will make him less isolated and booking more sessions with his therapist.

DEAR ABBY: I have known my best friend, "Carl," and his wife for 30 years. We do everything together -- cruises, holidays, birthdays, etc. They allow (and enable) their boxer dog to go after innocent cats and squirrels. It's like it's a game. The dog does not know any different.

I recently adopted two indoor cats. I live in the country, and I also have a 5-year-old Lab that would not hurt a bunny. I can no longer allow Carl and his wife to visit because they (mainly she) have allowed their dog to terrorize the kittens and squirrels in their neighborhood. I know she will make me out to be a villain and refuse to come if the dog cannot. Carl and I keep avoiding the conversation. Any advice? -- APPALLED IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR APPALLED: As I see it you have two choices. Either have the conversation you have been avoiding or visit your friend only at their home or on neutral territory. Frankly, I'm surprised the owners of some of those innocent cats haven't informed the authorities that a vicious dog harmed or killed their pet. If you witnessed such a thing, recognizing Carl's wife is sadistic, you should have made the call.

P.S. Why are you still friends with creeps like this?

DEAR ABBY: I had a close friendship with a co-worker. We used to have lunch together and shared many personal and intimate stories. We were the two work newbies, even though I started six months before he did.

He has adapted well in the work environment, but I'm still struggling with different personalities and communication styles. Because he's better established at work than I am, he has become part of close circles within management. I think he eventually wants to advance his career as far as he can.

I feel like I got left behind because his priorities changed, and our friendship was left by the wayside. I'm now realizing people shouldn't have friends at work. Why do I feel such a loss and miss this co-worker who I thought was a friend? -- DISCARDED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DISCARDED: It takes a level of trust to share intimate details of our lives with someone. If that person takes a step back and heads in a different direction, of course it is hurtful. You looked to your co-worker for emotional support and now it is gone. You wouldn't be human if you didn't mourn the loss.

On the plus side, you have learned from this experience. Work relationships are just that, and it is unwise to expect more from them. You had a preconception about how your relationship with this person was going to be; he had other ambitions, and he is acting upon them. Such is life.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's parents divorced when he was young, and he acquired a beautiful, solitaire diamond from his mother's engagement ring. The diamond was made into an engagement ring for his first marriage (which, obviously, also ended in divorce).

As a couple, we are trying to decide what to do with the stone. His mom doesn't want it back. We could sell it (it has been appraised/certified by the gemological institute), or he has suggested I keep it and have it made into a necklace.

I am unsure about the proper action to take in this situation. Although it is not a pressing matter, we have discussed it for a few years now. Your input would be appreciated. -- BEJEWELED IN THE WEST

DEAR BEJEWELED: It appears the diamond has brought only bad luck to the two women who have worn it. You know its monetary value, so consider taking it to a jeweler and discussing a trade-in for something you would enjoy wearing, such as earrings or a bracelet. (Where I live, multiple gold chain bracelets and necklaces are popular.)

DEAR ABBY: Twenty years ago, I developed psychosis with a personality change. I did things I'm ashamed of. I had an affair, remarried and moved out of the country, leaving my 13-year-old daughter with my ex-husband. I snapped out of it 15 years ago with the help of a good psychiatrist and excellent medication. I deeply regret my behavior, and I have made every effort to change things. However, my relationship with my daughter has never recovered in spite of my apologies, sorrow and deep shame.

Fast-forward: My daughter got married recently and invited her father but not me. I was devastated. I have been trying so hard for so many years to reestablish trust and show her I love her. I know I can't force her to forgive me, but banning me from her wedding brings me to tears every time I think of it.

I have a therapist and I'm working hard to recover from my bout of insanity all those years ago. I love my daughter very much. Can you think of anything I can do to heal our relationship, or must I just bump along unless and until she forgives me? -- IN A STATE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR IN A STATE: I know neither you nor your daughter other than what you have described to me. Continue talking with your therapist for guidance. This individual is most familiar with your history and how hard you have tried to repair the damage you caused. Your therapist is the most qualified to help you traverse the "bumpy" path ahead.

DEAR ABBY: I have a longtime friend, "Erin," who is my age (early 60s). She retired several months ago and has told me a couple of times since then that she has stopped wearing bras. I thought she meant around the house, but she means all the time. Erin is generously endowed and has "headlights." In warmer weather, she's less likely to wear a cardigan, so the lack of a bra or anything else to preserve a bit of modesty other than wearing her shirts in a larger size is starting to bother me.

I don't normally care what other women wear. But I cringe having Erin around my husband and other friends, and I no longer want to go out and about with her. Am I a prude? If this were something occasional, I would ignore it. But this seems to be forever. If I say something, what should I say? -- CAN'T UNSEE THIS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CAN'T UNSEE: If your longtime friend is unaware of how much of her "assets" are on display, someone should point it out. If she asks why you have distanced yourself, be truthful. (You may be doing her a favor.) Do not, however, expect her to stop doing what she's been doing. Erin has the right to go braless if she wishes. Only you can decide whether her lack of attire is grounds for ending a long friendship.