DEAR ABBY: We have vegetarian and vegan friends. Over the years, when we have invited them over for a celebration, we (omnivores) always make sure to include dishes that they will enjoy. But when they invite guests for dinner, they never -- ever -- include a meat dish, not even a piece of chicken.

I have asked around and, apparently, that's the experience of everyone. Don't you think a little reciprocity is in order? As it is, the hospitality rule seems decidedly one-sided. If the vegans worry about (to them) inedible leftovers, they can always provide a doggy bag for their guests. -- ONE-SIDED IN THE WEST

DEAR ONE-SIDED: Please consider this your wake-up call. Many vegans and vegetarians do not want meat, chicken or fish in their kitchens. If, in addition to what they provide, you feel the need to consume animal protein, consume some before you go to their home or afterward. If this does not suit you, respond to their invitation with polite regrets.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in an open relationship with my partner. We both enjoy hooking up with other people, but only if we agree on the person. It was going great; I still got my one-on-one time with my partner. But now it seems that instead of making love with just me, the only time he wants to touch me is if someone else comes over. What's the best way to approach him about it? Should I suggest we stop inviting people over for that type of fun? -- ADVENTUROUS LADY

DEAR LADY: Your partner appears to have lost interest in one-on-one intimacy. If that's the case, you need for him to own up so you can adjust your life accordingly. Healthy relationships, open or closed, involve honest communication. If you are unhappy with the way your relationship has devolved, you have every right to say so.

DEAR ABBY: I am 58 and a recovering addict. I used drugs and alcohol for 30-plus years, and now I have 20 months clean, thank God. Throughout my addiction, I had a friend who was my strong supporter. I always regarded him as a friend, since he was there when I was actively addicted.

Now that I'm clean, he wants to step it up and go from friends to a relationship. Yes, I care for him, but he wants to get married without first getting to know the real me. He's a hard worker who doesn't drink or smoke. He just works and comes home. He's just the type of man I've been looking for. Please advise me on what I should do. -- CLEAN AND SOBER IN FLORIDA

DEAR CLEAN AND SOBER: Your statement that this man wants to get married without first getting to know the real (I assume you mean sober) you speaks volumes to me. It tells me you are making mature, well-thought-out judgments, for which I congratulate you. He may be just the type you are looking for, but postpone marriage until you are certain that he knows and can accept the new strong and sober you.

DEAR ABBY: My sister recently lost her husband, who passed away after a brief fight with cancer. Her daughter, my niece, was scheduled to be married later this year. They struggle with finances, and my brother-in-law's death exacerbated the situation. In order to help out, my wife and I quietly gave them $1,000 to put toward my niece's shower so they could have it at a nice place. My sister was appreciative, but we unfortunately heard nothing from my niece.

Fast-forward a couple months, and the wedding is now called off. My sister and her daughter recently went on a cruise and have told me they have booked another. There has been no mention about returning our $1,000. My wife is becoming increasingly frustrated and wants to say something to my sister, which will create a family feud. While I agree the money should be returned, I am inclined to just write it off rather than stir up a mess. I would love to hear your perspective. -- GENEROUS IN THE EAST

DEAR GENEROUS: My perspective is that where your sister and her daughter are concerned, you should firmly close your wallet. The money is gone, and you are right that raising the issue will cause ill will. Your generosity should have been acknowledged, and when the wedding was called off, your money should have been returned rather than applied to a mother/daughter vacation. If your niece does manage to get married in the future, remember that you have already given her a "wedding gift."

DEAR ABBY: Our family is having its first reunion since my mother and father have been gone. We three brothers are now the oldest generation. My older brothers are planning the event. They are inviting my ex-wife of 21 years, but none of my three nephews' exes. This is upsetting to me and my wife of 20 years.

I feel strongly that when you marry, you marry into the family, and when you divorce, you divorce "out" of the family. My ex-wife and two sisters-in-law have remained close friends since our divorce and have shunned my present wife.

Should we be upset about the invitation? Should we not attend if my ex comes? One brother says she is still "part of the family" and should be included. My wife and I are furious. Who is right here? -- PARTY POOPER IN IOWA

DEAR PARTY POOPER: Did your parents include your former wife at previous family reunions? If they did, I can understand why she would be welcomed at this one. However, if they did not, I can understand your feelings, in light of the fact that your siblings' wives have shunned your wife of 20 years.

That said, not all divorces are the same. Some former couples manage an amicable severance, and you cannot and should not dictate who your relatives choose to maintain relationships with. If you and your wife would feel more comfortable skipping the reunion, I wouldn't blame you.

DEAR ABBY: When my husband, "Sid," was a young adult, his mother died by suicide. A few years later, when his maternal grandparents died, his mother's two siblings inherited his grandparents' estate. Other family members have commented that it seemed wrong for Sid and his sister to be disinherited from their mother's share of the estate. Because Sid and his sister were young adults, they didn't have enough confidence or support to question their aunt and uncle. Their father was out of the picture.

Forty years later, this is still a source of pain for Sid and his sister. They feel they were intentionally disinherited, while their closest relatives act like nothing is wrong. Is there a way to approach the family to resolve this pain? -- SAD FOR SID IN NEVADA

DEAR SAD: I strongly suspect that that ship sailed 40 years ago. However, I am not a lawyer. Your husband and his sister should ask an attorney who specializes in wills, estates and trusts this question to see what exactly happened back then and if anything can be done now to change it.

DEAR ABBY: I will turn 18 in six months. I know I should be happy, but to be completely honest with you, I'm scared to become an adult. I don't feel I'm ready to grow up and leave my childhood behind. What should I do? What can I do? -- UNHAPPY BIRTHDAY

DEAR UNHAPPY: What, precisely, are you afraid of? All people do not mature at the same rate. It takes some individuals until they are well over the age of 21 to assume the responsibilities of being an adult. Others are ready at 18, provided they have already been given some responsibilities by their parents. The insecurities you are experiencing are things you should be talking about with them. You might also discuss this with a trusted teacher or counselor at school. If you do, you may realize that you are far from alone in the feelings you are having.

DEAR ABBY: I have been unlucky in love ever since I started dating, and I'm feeling like I just can't put myself out there again. My last relationship looked promising -- I even saw a wedding on the horizon -- but my partner cheated on me, and it all fell apart. Now I'm scared. This is just the latest in a long string of bad relationships. How can I keep dating if I'm feeling so hopeless? Am I just not cut out for the "married with 2.5 kids" life? -- FAILURE IN OREGON

DEAR FAILURE: Considering your mindset, I'm not sure you should be dating right now. Your time might be better spent trying to figure out what went wrong in each of those failed relationships, because your problem may not be the kind of men you are attracting, but those you are attracted to.

If there are common denominators among those men in your past, it would benefit you to recognize what they are so you won't be hurt again. In the meantime, occupy yourself with friends and activities you enjoy. It's an effective way to combat depression, and it may also give you an opportunity to make some new acquaintances.