DEAR ABBY: My older sister had an affair with an old boyfriend that lasted several months. She was 58 and had been married for 38 years. Her husband, who is a wonderful person and father of their three grown children, forgave her. He's a devout Catholic, and divorce was out of the question. She has made every effort to ask for forgiveness from her husband and children and fix the issues in her marriage.

The lingering problem is her oldest child (a daughter, age 35) who is unwilling to forgive and seems to hate her mother now. My niece refuses to have any kind of relationship with her mom. This situation is so painful for my sister that it's kind of destroying her. Please offer any advice. -- SADDENED IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR SADDENED: Your sister's husband and the other two adult children have forgiven their mother for the affair. No one can force the daughter to accept that her mother, like so many others, is flawed. People make mistakes. Your sister will have to go on with her life and hope that as this daughter matures, she will learn to forgive as the Lord forgives most of us after we have repented.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a caregiver and have been since the age of 13. I'll soon be 54. I have taken care of my sister since our parents passed nearly 20 years ago. I'm seriously considering placing her in a nursing home because she has started needing even more care, and I'm having some health issues myself.

We have brothers and sisters who promise to help care for her and give me a break, but they haven't done it. I am married. Both my sons are grown and out of the house, living their lives. Should I feel guilty or not? -- DUTY-BOUND IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR DUTY-BOUND: I don't think so. It is now time to take care of yourself. You have done more than your fair share of taking care of your sister. If she needs assisted living, your siblings should step forward, at the very least, in sharing the cost since they have done nothing else in the past to help.

DEAR ABBY: I am a stepmother to a beautiful woman I love very much. She has given us three beautiful granddaughters and a handsome grandson. Sadly, my husband has a rare and aggressive form of cancer, and it looks terminal. My question is, after his passing, do I continue to be a stepmother?

I know it's most likely up to her, but I'm curious about the proper protocol. This will help me determine how I introduce her to others. Will she always be my stepdaughter, or does she become my late husband's daughter? -- UNKNOWN IN NEW YORK

DEAR UNKNOWN: When it comes to love, the rules are not important. This conversation is premature. After your husband's funeral, ask his daughter what she would like you to call her in the future, and assure her that you love her as though she is your natural child, and would not want to use any label that would make her feel less than that.

DEAR ABBY: "Missing My Cat in Georgia" (June 20) was told by his Catholic friend that his cat wouldn't be joining him in the afterlife. I have been an ordained pastor for 27 years.

Last summer my cat, Fred, who had been with me for 11 years, died. I claim no deeper or higher connection to God than anyone else, but I do know this: The Bible says that God is a God of love -- indeed, that God IS love.

I know of no more loving companions than pets. Dogs and cats express their love for us humans far better than most of us humans do for each other. I also know that Fred, who just showed up at my house one night and adopted ME, taught me many lessons about how to love and be loved.

I am certain God sent Fred into my life to prepare me for marriage after 55 years as a bachelor. I am a better husband (and pastor) because of Fred. Therefore, I cannot imagine God not inviting, even welcoming, Fred into some sort of heavenly afterlife, whatever that may look like. Love never dies, and I don't believe that the loving relationship between a pet and their human ends at death. -- PASTOR STEVE IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR PASTOR STEVE: Thank you for reinforcing the sentiments I expressed to "Missing." The mail poured in after that letter ran. All of it refuted the opinion of "Missing's" friend. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When my girls were growing up, we had a German shepherd named Lady. We often had our Catholic priest over for dinner and, one evening, the girls asked him if Lady would go to heaven when she died. He responded by asking them, "Do you want her to be there when you get there?" "Of course!" they answered. He then responded, "We are told that heaven is everything and more than we want or can imagine. If you want Lady there, she will be there." -- BRENDA IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ABBY: I'm a seminary-trained, theologically educated, ordained Protestant minister at a large mainline church smack in the middle of the Bible Belt. I'd like to tell "Missing" that the Bible has many Scripture verses that depict animals in heaven. A great many people who have died and been resuscitated have written about their experiences and said they saw their long-deceased pets on the other side. I want "Missing" to know I am sure there's a happy, purr-fect reunion waiting for him when his earthly life is done. -- PET-LOVING PROTESTANT MINISTER

DEAR ABBY: There's a story about an old gentleman who lost his life in a sudden accident, which also took the life of his very old dog. Afterward, they found themselves on a long road, which finally led to a tall and beautifully decorated gate guarded by an official-looking man with a magnificent gray beard and long white robe.

"This is heaven," the bearded man said. "Come in. We've been expecting you. But you'll have to leave your dog outside. No animals allowed." The old man thought about it for a moment before saying, "That's OK. We'll keep walking."

Eventually, they came to a small turnstile, where they encountered a scruffy old man with a wide grin sitting on a stool. "You passed the final test," the smiling man said, pushing open the turnstile. "My name is Peter. Welcome to heaven!"

"But ... I thought we passed heaven a few hours ago. They wouldn't let me bring my dog in," the old gentleman said sadly. "No," replied Peter, "that was the Devil you met back there, trying to tempt you one last time. Deep down inside, you knew better. Pearly gates or not, how could any place be heaven if you couldn't bring your dog?" -- JEFF IN OHIO

DEAR JEFF: If I recall correctly, that heartwarming story was written by Rod Serling and appeared on his series, "The Twilight Zone."

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I have been together for 14 years. A few months ago, his mother told us she had inherited a home that had belonged to her parents, and she wanted to gift it to us. I was skeptical because any gift from her comes with tons of strings attached.

We were told it would take a few months to get the paperwork in order, so in the meantime, could we help with the upkeep of the property until we moved in? We agreed, but she dictates the day and time. My fiance and I have two days off each week. On one of them, we are off together, and on the other we aren't. We planned it that way.

Well, ever since he has been helping with the upkeep, my fiance's mom insists it be done on our day off. She says it's because her husband is also off. Am I wrong to be upset that my fiance chooses to do the upkeep on "our" day off vs. his day off? This has been consistent for the last three or four weeks.

I called his mother and asked if he could just come on his day off. Her response was, "Oh well, you'll be here soon enough, and he can do it whenever," but she also said her husband will still come to help, which makes me think this will be something I will be dealing with forever. Any advice? -- STRINGS ATTACHED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR STRINGS: Grit your teeth, count your blessings and accept reality. This won't last forever, and in the end, you will be richer for it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 49 and recently divorced, and I have had to stay with my mother for months during the divorce. During this time, she has made me a budget, opens my mail and treats me like I am 5 years old. She has done this all my life. I have severe anxiety, and she is part of it. For some reason, I can't tell her to back off. Do you have any suggestions? -- ADULT NOW IN FLORIDA

DEAR ADULT NOW: Yes, I sure do. If you are still living with your mother, move as soon as possible or have your mail delivered to a post office box. Because you suffer from severe anxiety, consult a therapist who can help you to control it as well as give you the tools to handle your probably well-meaning but overbearing mother. Then speak up and let her know how you feel.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter lives nearby. I am blessed to spend lots of time with her boys. We decided that gifts to them (as much as possible) should be experiences. We have gone to kid museums, been snow tubing and hired a fishing guide. We have also visited a bookstore to browse for hours before picking out books, and have taken them on dinner and lunch dates, special summer picnics and hikes.

I think my grandkids will remember the times spent together far more than toys that break, get lost or become outgrown. What do you think? -- GIFTING MORE IN COLORADO

DEAR GIFTING: I not only "think," I know you are right. The shared experiences they are having with you are priceless.