DEAR ABBY: A married couple we met six years ago had a vacation house near ours. We became friendly and would have dinners and drinks and hang out together doing various fun activities. Once her husband passed, it was just the three of us.

When I'm not in the area of our vacation house and my husband is, he thinks it's still appropriate to do things with this woman -- just the two of them. He includes me in the plans, but if I'm unwilling to drive three hours (I work; he's retired), they go out on their own, although he always asks me if it's OK. I don't feel comfortable saying, "No. Stay home alone, like me."

I don't trust him, nor do I trust her, because we don't have much in common, such as education or hobbies. We are not great friends, although she's kind and good-hearted. I feel a lot of anger and resentment toward my husband and her for behaving in this manner. He continues to insist this is a platonic friendship and nothing more.

I have said countless times that we should divorce if she is someone he wants to be with. He insists that is NOT his intention, and he does not want to divorce me and be with her. I believe he wants to have his cake and eat it too. I'm thinking of hiring a private investigator to get to the bottom of it and free my mind of these feelings. What should I do? -- SUSPICIOUS IN THE EAST

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: What makes you think this woman is after your husband? If it will make you feel better, hire the private investigator. However, if your suspicions prove to be untrue, then it's time for you to consult a licensed psychotherapist for help in overcoming your deep insecurities.

DEAR ABBY: I am not, and never will be, an attractive female. I accept this, and I'm OK with the fact that men don't find me attractive. My issue is, my friends want to have hot-single-girl events. They are all very attractive. When they try to introduce a man to me, the man obviously has no interest and feels uncomfortable. How do I politely tell my girlfriends to stop trying to be my wingmen? I'm totally OK watching them from the sidelines. -- NO BEAUTY QUEEN IN COLORADO

DEAR NO BEAUTY: I am sure your girlfriends mean well, and I'm saddened you have encountered the rejection you have received. We live in a visual society, and, unfortunately, not everyone is willing to look beneath the surface. I do not think you should give up on the idea of meeting someone special, but it may not happen through these hot-single-girl events.

Tell your girlfriends you no longer want them to introduce you this way and why. Although some folks meet their soulmate in a bar, others need to go about it differently. If your friends know their attempts to play cupid have caused more pain than pleasure, I am sure they'll understand why you are OK "watching from the sidelines."

DEAR ABBY: My sister and I grew up with our father after our parents divorced. He was a hoarder. Years later, when he finally had to move out, it took three moving trucks to empty the two-bedroom house. You can imagine what that was like. I am very triggered by clutter. I appreciate an organized home with space to breathe.

My husband of 10 years understands this, theoretically. For a long time, he was on board with a more austere setup. But recently we've become more comfortable financially, and he has started collecting things. First, it was comic books; then a pile of vinyl records showed up. More recently, a set of art supplies seems to always be spilling over the counters and tables. He says his acquisitions are well within what is normal.

I know my background makes me overly sensitive about cleaning, but it's really hard, and I'm stressed out every time I come home to piles of random objects and must move his stuff before I can make dinner. We don't have space for a "man cave." I am in counseling, which helps, but not enough. How can we reach a reasonable compromise when I know I might not be reasonable? -- TRIGGERED IN ARKANSAS

DEAR TRIGGERED: An alternative to throwing away your marriage along with the clutter might be to consider hiring a professional organizer to assist your husband in organizing his comic books, vinyl record collection and art supplies so they are less obtrusive. Other couples have done this successfully when blending two households, and it could be the answer for you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the grandmother of three wonderful kids. I'm very involved in all of their activities and present at all important events. I have been since Day 1. My grandchildren's other grandparents are mostly absent, partly because of distance and also for personal reasons.

When these other grandparents show up to events or offer gifts or support of any kind, it's made out to be a huge deal, whereas my presence is taken for granted. I'm never thanked for driving the kids to and from school and sports, taking them out for day trips or being there for practically everything. My kids fall all over the absent grandparents every time they decide to show up for anything.

Am I overly sensitive? Will the kids someday appreciate my presence, even though it doesn't seem special now? -- READY TO GIVE UP

DEAR READY: I understand your feelings. However, while I am not sure about your children, I am positive that your grandchildren will remember all the effort you have made and continue to make on their behalf. This includes the countless events you have shared with them. Regardless of how showy the gifts from the other grandparents may be, they can't compare to the close connection your grandchildren share with you.

DEAR ABBY: A friend retired, moved and gave me her well-paying, once-a-week job doing industrial cleaning. It pays a sizable chunk of our bills. My husband, who agreed to work with me doing this, gives me a hard time every week by being late.

We need to be there after business hours at 5:30 p.m. so we don't interrupt anyone while they're working. I have to remind my husband every Wednesday that we need to be at the job. It causes fights. He makes his own hours at his other job. He can work whenever he wants and leave when it's done. I was raised to believe, "If you're early, you're on time. If you're on time, then you're late." His attitude is, "Why worry about when we show up?"

I'm angry that he doesn't respect how important this job is to me. I'm his boss when it comes to this jobsite. How can I handle this? I'm so done. I can't lose this job, and I can't do it by myself! It's HIPAA-protected, so not just anyone can do this with me. -- TIMED OUT IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR TIMED OUT: How important is it that you start promptly at 5:30? Could all the work get done if you started at 6? I know you are a stickler for promptness, but who set the hours? You and your husband might fight less often if you become more flexible.

However, if the problem persists, remind him that the extra income helps to pay important bills. If that doesn't motivate him, stop fighting, contact the friend who gave you the job and ask if she has any suggestions about someone who could do what your husband has been doing. I wish you luck.

DEAR ABBY: We've lived in our working-class urban neighborhood for decades. We have always made friends with our neighbors, including a young couple with a toddler two doors away. We don't socialize with them other than to chat when we see them on the street, and we gave their daughter a onesie on her birthday last year.

Just before the pandemic, they acquired a rescue dog, which they often leave in their backyard. The animal barks nonstop for hours, which makes it difficult to enjoy being outside in our yard. We're home most of the time, and my partner is a gardener, so he spends long hours out there.

What's the best way to handle this? Friends who know more about dogs than we do tell us it's impossible to break dogs of this habit. Do you think that because we haven't complained they think we're OK with it? We want to be good neighbors. -- NOT OK WITH IT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NOT OK: Dogs have been known to bark because of separation anxiety. If your neighbors are away when their dog is creating a problem, and you have expressed nothing about it, you or your partner must let them know. The conversation doesn't have to be confrontational, but nothing will change unless you step up and bark about it. Do it now, before you lose your minds.