DEAR ABBY: My sister and I grew up with our father after our parents divorced. He was a hoarder. Years later, when he finally had to move out, it took three moving trucks to empty the two-bedroom house. You can imagine what that was like. I am very triggered by clutter. I appreciate an organized home with space to breathe.

My husband of 10 years understands this, theoretically. For a long time, he was on board with a more austere setup. But recently we've become more comfortable financially, and he has started collecting things. First, it was comic books; then a pile of vinyl records showed up. More recently, a set of art supplies seems to always be spilling over the counters and tables. He says his acquisitions are well within what is normal.

I know my background makes me overly sensitive about cleaning, but it's really hard, and I'm stressed out every time I come home to piles of random objects and must move his stuff before I can make dinner. We don't have space for a "man cave." I am in counseling, which helps, but not enough. How can we reach a reasonable compromise when I know I might not be reasonable? -- TRIGGERED IN ARKANSAS

DEAR TRIGGERED: An alternative to throwing away your marriage along with the clutter might be to consider hiring a professional organizer to assist your husband in organizing his comic books, vinyl record collection and art supplies so they are less obtrusive. Other couples have done this successfully when blending two households, and it could be the answer for you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the grandmother of three wonderful kids. I'm very involved in all of their activities and present at all important events. I have been since Day 1. My grandchildren's other grandparents are mostly absent, partly because of distance and also for personal reasons.

When these other grandparents show up to events or offer gifts or support of any kind, it's made out to be a huge deal, whereas my presence is taken for granted. I'm never thanked for driving the kids to and from school and sports, taking them out for day trips or being there for practically everything. My kids fall all over the absent grandparents every time they decide to show up for anything.

Am I overly sensitive? Will the kids someday appreciate my presence, even though it doesn't seem special now? -- READY TO GIVE UP

DEAR READY: I understand your feelings. However, while I am not sure about your children, I am positive that your grandchildren will remember all the effort you have made and continue to make on their behalf. This includes the countless events you have shared with them. Regardless of how showy the gifts from the other grandparents may be, they can't compare to the close connection your grandchildren share with you.

DEAR ABBY: A friend retired, moved and gave me her well-paying, once-a-week job doing industrial cleaning. It pays a sizable chunk of our bills. My husband, who agreed to work with me doing this, gives me a hard time every week by being late.

We need to be there after business hours at 5:30 p.m. so we don't interrupt anyone while they're working. I have to remind my husband every Wednesday that we need to be at the job. It causes fights. He makes his own hours at his other job. He can work whenever he wants and leave when it's done. I was raised to believe, "If you're early, you're on time. If you're on time, then you're late." His attitude is, "Why worry about when we show up?"

I'm angry that he doesn't respect how important this job is to me. I'm his boss when it comes to this jobsite. How can I handle this? I'm so done. I can't lose this job, and I can't do it by myself! It's HIPAA-protected, so not just anyone can do this with me. -- TIMED OUT IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR TIMED OUT: How important is it that you start promptly at 5:30? Could all the work get done if you started at 6? I know you are a stickler for promptness, but who set the hours? You and your husband might fight less often if you become more flexible.

However, if the problem persists, remind him that the extra income helps to pay important bills. If that doesn't motivate him, stop fighting, contact the friend who gave you the job and ask if she has any suggestions about someone who could do what your husband has been doing. I wish you luck.

DEAR ABBY: We've lived in our working-class urban neighborhood for decades. We have always made friends with our neighbors, including a young couple with a toddler two doors away. We don't socialize with them other than to chat when we see them on the street, and we gave their daughter a onesie on her birthday last year.

Just before the pandemic, they acquired a rescue dog, which they often leave in their backyard. The animal barks nonstop for hours, which makes it difficult to enjoy being outside in our yard. We're home most of the time, and my partner is a gardener, so he spends long hours out there.

What's the best way to handle this? Friends who know more about dogs than we do tell us it's impossible to break dogs of this habit. Do you think that because we haven't complained they think we're OK with it? We want to be good neighbors. -- NOT OK WITH IT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NOT OK: Dogs have been known to bark because of separation anxiety. If your neighbors are away when their dog is creating a problem, and you have expressed nothing about it, you or your partner must let them know. The conversation doesn't have to be confrontational, but nothing will change unless you step up and bark about it. Do it now, before you lose your minds.

DEAR ABBY: I recently scheduled a last-minute consultation with my doctor that might result in surgery. My husband has a meeting during that time, which isn't actually necessary, but he feels he needs to attend. I feel he is choosing a non-urgent obligation over my more immediate concerns.

All that said, I am capable of handling what comes my way by myself. I was just hoping for some emotional support from my spouse of 31 years. I have had plenty of that financially, but not emotionally. I'm trying to figure out why he's not taking my medical issue as seriously as I am. -- ON MY OWN IN WASHINGTON

DEAR O.M.O.: What a sad letter. After 31 years, you may have to accept that financial support is all your husband is capable of giving. Because you need emotional support, consider asking a close friend or relative to stay close while you resolve your medical issue. Although it may not be your first choice, it would be the more practical solution.

DEAR ABBY: My father left my older sister and me out of his will. He inherited money, went to an Ivy League university and raised two sets of stepkids. I know he didn't have a lot left at the end, but what there was went to his third wife.

We had hoped he would help his granddaughters with cars, etc. I wish we had discussed it beforehand so it wouldn't have spoiled our larger-than-life memories of him. Are we selfish to feel let down? -- STILL MISSING DAD IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR STILL MISSING: Your feelings are your feelings. If your father led you to believe your children were in his will, then those feelings are justified. However, if he didn't do that, you are wrong to have expected him to buy "cars, etc." for your children. Considering his marital history, his widow may need every penny he left her.

DEAR ABBY: I have a neighbor I truly love. I garden; she does not. Despite my asking her two years ago not to take any of my asparagus, yesterday she mentioned in conversation, "I love your asparagus. Sometimes I pick some for myself."

Abby, last year I was left with only enough for one meal for myself! How can I say to her, "Stop raiding my food source!"? I live on a limited budget. Many times, I can't afford to buy vegetables, which she is aware of. I'm very hurt by her behavior. Thank you for any insight you can give. -- OUT OF THE GARDEN IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR OUT: Sit your light-fingered neighbor down and remind her of some facts of your life. Tell her again that you are on a limited budget and grow vegetables because they have become too expensive for you to buy. Also remind her that you have asked her before not to do what she has been doing, and tell her how hurt you are that she would steal from you. It is the truth, and she needs to hear it. She should be ashamed of herself.