DEAR ABBY: My sister has a squawky bird she insists on keeping alongside the dinner table when she invites guests for dinner. Its ear-piercing screeching inhibits guests' ability to carry on normal conversation, so I asked her if, in the future, she could please put the bird in another room during dinner. She responded that the bird is a family member. I said, "So are children, but they aren't permitted to run around the dining table screeching when there is company over."

This year, when we returned for another dinner, she pulled the bird and its cage even closer to the table and the person sitting next to her than last time. She apparently decided the comfort of her guests is not as important as her closeness to the bird.

I don't know how to address this in the future when she disregards my feedback. Aside from the squawking, it's not appealing to have a birdcage pulled up alongside a dinner table, or to have the host constantly distracted and conversation interrupted. What is your advice? -- NERVE-WRACKED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NERVE-WRACKED: Because it's clear your advice wasn't appreciated, the next time you are invited to a dinner party at your sister's home, feel free to say you are busy. The only bird at the table should be a nice roasted chicken or a stuffed turkey.

DEAR ABBY: I have my car detailed at a car wash near the beach. When I took my car there, I forgot to remove the spare change I keep for parking meters and laundry machines. When I got my car back, about eight dollars in quarters and dollar coins were missing. Dimes, nickels and pennies were left behind. I emailed the owner the next day.

The owner called me, apologized and refunded the full price of my car detail. I told him the refund wasn't necessary and that I only wanted him to know what had happened. Because I used the word "steal" in my email, he took offense. I replied on the phone that the money was gone after I got my car back. He said he wished me well, and I replied, "Are you saying you no longer want to do business with me?"

Now I feel bad. I did nothing wrong and only tried to alert him to a problem with his workers. As the saying goes, "No good deed goes unpunished." What do I do now, or should have I done differently? -- SUFFERING FOR TRYING TO HELP

DEAR SUFFERING: Do not let one bad apple spoil the barrel. Of course you should have informed the owner of the business about what happened. By comping the price of the car wash for your $8 loss, he did his best to make things right.

If the conversation you had with him was civil, he likely wants you to continue doing business with him. The next time you go in, make a point of smoothing things over. In the future, remember to remove your valuables from the car when you go.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has been retired from law enforcement for five years. I can't retire, as I am self-employed. I was always the one who had to take time off work to care for him with his back and hip surgeries, his mom, his dad and my mom for the past 15 years. I also took care of his kids during weekend visits.

He has spent his retirement in chronic pain. He stays in bed until 11 a.m., and has reconnected with his high school and college girlfriends. All of them cheated on him or stole from him and broke his heart. One was convicted of felony larceny for stealing from a charity fundraiser.

He promised initially that he would give these women up, but for the last three years he has lied to me about being in contact with them. He says he shouldn't have to give them up because "they were an important part of his life." Abby, they gave him STDs and abandoned him, while I have stupidly been loyal and faithful.

I know he probably suffers from PTSD and has anger issues, because he is mean to me. But I so looked forward to having a "real" marriage once the stress of his job was over. He intermittently packs his belongings and leaves, but he returns after a few hours. He confides in these women, and they speak badly about me because of his lies. I don't want their energy in my marriage. What can I do? -- BEWILDERED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BEWILDERED: Consult a lawyer. Then, finally, put your foot down. Tell your husband you are appalled by his ingratitude after the years of love and care you have given him, and that unless he agrees to marriage counseling, he will be spending his retirement without you.

While you're at it, tell him his emotional affairs (if that's all they are) with women who have abused him are sick, and you will no longer tolerate his constant lying about them. Then prepare to leave, because he is unlikely to change, and you deserve much better.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a small, semirural neighborhood. My neighbors did not discipline their kids, and now they are teenagers. Six months ago, I caught the younger one trying to stand on my chain-link fence, and last year the gate to the fence to my front yard. This morning, I was mowing my yard on their side of my house and saw a decorative piece of my post lying on the ground.

They are generally good neighbors. They are great with my dog, and I don't want to ruin the friendship. Should I say something to the parents, knowing I don't have video, or should I confront their son, or neither? -- TEEN-AFFECTED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR TEEN-AFFECTED: Do not ignore this, hoping it will go away. Your fencepost has now been damaged and needs to be repaired. Start by talking to the boy who did it. Tell him you have always liked him and are disappointed in his poor judgment.

Ask how he plans to make things right. (He could "work it off" by watering your lawn, walking your dog, etc., for a specific amount of time.) If, however, he is disrespectful, that would be the time to talk to his parents.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single man, and have been for 15 years. A year ago, I met a guy, "Josh," and we fell in love. He lived 240 miles away. A month ago, he transferred his job to my city and moved in with me. (I supported this 100%.) I had sown my wild oats long before he moved in.

Everything was going great until recently. Josh logged into my computer and saw all my emails and text messages, some of which were as recent as a week ago. I have been updating old flings that I'm no longer on the market, but in one particular text, I didn't give such information. Instead, I simply didn't respond.

Later that day, Josh confronted me and began to cry. He said I hurt him, and he doesn't know how to trust me again. Abby, I love Josh with all my heart, and I'm trying to weed out old "flings" as they come in, but as I mentioned, I've been single for 15 years and it will take time.

Since this happened, I have deleted a lot of text messages and updated my social media to "in a relationship," but I'm still unsure how Josh feels. Was he right to go through my emails and text messages? I have since changed my password, but I need advice. What should I do or say to him to make him feel confident in our relationship? I don't want to lose him. -- FORMER BACHELOR IN TEXAS

DEAR FORMER BACHELOR: The questions I have to ask you are: Why did Josh go into your computer, and why did he feel it was necessary to snoop through your texts and emails? How much do you know about his personal history, and did he have trust issues that started before you met? Tell Josh you would like the two of you to get couples counseling from a LGBTQ community center, if he will agree. If he does, it may save your relationship.

DEAR ABBY: My sister and I have been estranged for eight years. She had an "unusual" relationship with my ex-husband, meaning they moved in together three days after I left him. My entire family insists there's nothing between them. She blames me, and even though I have reached out, she has never responded. She tells people all kinds of awful things about me and blames me for not knowing her girls. How can I know them if I can't see them or meet them? I send gifts in the mail, but I'm somehow the "monster"? Help, please. -- HURT IN MARYLAND

DEAR HURT: You wouldn't have left your husband if the marriage had been hunky-dory. That your sister took him in with no romantic involvement is suspicious. (Does your family also believe in the tooth fairy?) Surely your ex or your sister would have liked a romantic relationship with someone, if not each other.

Of this, I am certain: You cannot control what someone says about you. But you can control how you react. Stop listening to gossip your sister spreads, and be suspicious of anyone who insists on telling you about it. Do not expect to have a relationship with her or her daughters, because it isn't likely to happen. Just put one foot in front of the other, go on with your life and spend as little time as possible looking backward.