DEAR ABBY: My husband has been retired from law enforcement for five years. I can't retire, as I am self-employed. I was always the one who had to take time off work to care for him with his back and hip surgeries, his mom, his dad and my mom for the past 15 years. I also took care of his kids during weekend visits.

He has spent his retirement in chronic pain. He stays in bed until 11 a.m., and has reconnected with his high school and college girlfriends. All of them cheated on him or stole from him and broke his heart. One was convicted of felony larceny for stealing from a charity fundraiser.

He promised initially that he would give these women up, but for the last three years he has lied to me about being in contact with them. He says he shouldn't have to give them up because "they were an important part of his life." Abby, they gave him STDs and abandoned him, while I have stupidly been loyal and faithful.

I know he probably suffers from PTSD and has anger issues, because he is mean to me. But I so looked forward to having a "real" marriage once the stress of his job was over. He intermittently packs his belongings and leaves, but he returns after a few hours. He confides in these women, and they speak badly about me because of his lies. I don't want their energy in my marriage. What can I do? -- BEWILDERED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BEWILDERED: Consult a lawyer. Then, finally, put your foot down. Tell your husband you are appalled by his ingratitude after the years of love and care you have given him, and that unless he agrees to marriage counseling, he will be spending his retirement without you.

While you're at it, tell him his emotional affairs (if that's all they are) with women who have abused him are sick, and you will no longer tolerate his constant lying about them. Then prepare to leave, because he is unlikely to change, and you deserve much better.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a small, semirural neighborhood. My neighbors did not discipline their kids, and now they are teenagers. Six months ago, I caught the younger one trying to stand on my chain-link fence, and last year the gate to the fence to my front yard. This morning, I was mowing my yard on their side of my house and saw a decorative piece of my post lying on the ground.

They are generally good neighbors. They are great with my dog, and I don't want to ruin the friendship. Should I say something to the parents, knowing I don't have video, or should I confront their son, or neither? -- TEEN-AFFECTED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR TEEN-AFFECTED: Do not ignore this, hoping it will go away. Your fencepost has now been damaged and needs to be repaired. Start by talking to the boy who did it. Tell him you have always liked him and are disappointed in his poor judgment.

Ask how he plans to make things right. (He could "work it off" by watering your lawn, walking your dog, etc., for a specific amount of time.) If, however, he is disrespectful, that would be the time to talk to his parents.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single man, and have been for 15 years. A year ago, I met a guy, "Josh," and we fell in love. He lived 240 miles away. A month ago, he transferred his job to my city and moved in with me. (I supported this 100%.) I had sown my wild oats long before he moved in.

Everything was going great until recently. Josh logged into my computer and saw all my emails and text messages, some of which were as recent as a week ago. I have been updating old flings that I'm no longer on the market, but in one particular text, I didn't give such information. Instead, I simply didn't respond.

Later that day, Josh confronted me and began to cry. He said I hurt him, and he doesn't know how to trust me again. Abby, I love Josh with all my heart, and I'm trying to weed out old "flings" as they come in, but as I mentioned, I've been single for 15 years and it will take time.

Since this happened, I have deleted a lot of text messages and updated my social media to "in a relationship," but I'm still unsure how Josh feels. Was he right to go through my emails and text messages? I have since changed my password, but I need advice. What should I do or say to him to make him feel confident in our relationship? I don't want to lose him. -- FORMER BACHELOR IN TEXAS

DEAR FORMER BACHELOR: The questions I have to ask you are: Why did Josh go into your computer, and why did he feel it was necessary to snoop through your texts and emails? How much do you know about his personal history, and did he have trust issues that started before you met? Tell Josh you would like the two of you to get couples counseling from a LGBTQ community center, if he will agree. If he does, it may save your relationship.

DEAR ABBY: My sister and I have been estranged for eight years. She had an "unusual" relationship with my ex-husband, meaning they moved in together three days after I left him. My entire family insists there's nothing between them. She blames me, and even though I have reached out, she has never responded. She tells people all kinds of awful things about me and blames me for not knowing her girls. How can I know them if I can't see them or meet them? I send gifts in the mail, but I'm somehow the "monster"? Help, please. -- HURT IN MARYLAND

DEAR HURT: You wouldn't have left your husband if the marriage had been hunky-dory. That your sister took him in with no romantic involvement is suspicious. (Does your family also believe in the tooth fairy?) Surely your ex or your sister would have liked a romantic relationship with someone, if not each other.

Of this, I am certain: You cannot control what someone says about you. But you can control how you react. Stop listening to gossip your sister spreads, and be suspicious of anyone who insists on telling you about it. Do not expect to have a relationship with her or her daughters, because it isn't likely to happen. Just put one foot in front of the other, go on with your life and spend as little time as possible looking backward.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 40-something woman who has recently become disabled. I use a wheelchair. Some days, my body works; other days, it doesn't. But walking any distance causes me to have seizures. I look fairly healthy to anyone who isn't close to me, but I'm not.

About a year into my disability, my husband and I had to move in with my dad so he could help care for me. Dad does all the shopping and errands, and my husband works full time. I rarely leave the house. On days when I'm feeling really good, I go shopping with Dad. He's in his 70s, but has no problem pushing me in my wheelchair.

The issue is, I get dirty looks from other elderly people who see an old man pushing what looks like a healthy younger person. I don't feel I should have to explain why I use a wheelchair. However, it's starting to really upset me that the few times a month when I get out, I get dirty looks.

Those people are seeing me on my best days. I'm hoping you can spread the word that some disabilities are invisible, and that it's OK to use a wheelchair if needed. -- PUSHED AROUND IN IDAHO

DEAR PUSHED: Some people do take advantage of disabled parking, and it's not surprising that able-bodied folks are offended by it. HOWEVER, as you so clearly stated, not everyone's disability is obvious. Some healthy-looking individuals have heart problems or balance issues (among others), which is why it is wrong to assume anything about anyone you don't know. When people give you dirty looks because your father is assisting you, simply smile and ignore them.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 24-year-old wife and mother of three children under 3. While I love my husband and children, I'm struggling to find myself and what I like to do. When I wake up, I don't think about myself and what I need. Instead, I feel guilty and selfish when I do think about myself. It's hard for me to focus on work because of the needs of the house.

I'm the second oldest of 10, and from a young age I've had the responsibility of taking care of others. I never realized it would affect me this much. How do I find the balance to make time for myself and my family without feeling guilty? -- HANDS FULL IN TENNESSEE

DEAR HANDS FULL: Please stop beating yourself up for the feelings you are experiencing. You are not the only young mother who has them. You have had three children in three years, and some of those feelings may be hormonal. If you haven't discussed them with your doctor, you should. If you don't want more children in the near future, talk with them about that as well.

Because you took care of your younger siblings for years, could some of them give you a hand now? Are there any other relatives who could ease the responsibility you have taken on? As your babies grow older, you will have time to explore more opportunities for yourself.