DEAR ABBY: My sister and I have been estranged for eight years. She had an "unusual" relationship with my ex-husband, meaning they moved in together three days after I left him. My entire family insists there's nothing between them. She blames me, and even though I have reached out, she has never responded. She tells people all kinds of awful things about me and blames me for not knowing her girls. How can I know them if I can't see them or meet them? I send gifts in the mail, but I'm somehow the "monster"? Help, please. -- HURT IN MARYLAND

DEAR HURT: You wouldn't have left your husband if the marriage had been hunky-dory. That your sister took him in with no romantic involvement is suspicious. (Does your family also believe in the tooth fairy?) Surely your ex or your sister would have liked a romantic relationship with someone, if not each other.

Of this, I am certain: You cannot control what someone says about you. But you can control how you react. Stop listening to gossip your sister spreads, and be suspicious of anyone who insists on telling you about it. Do not expect to have a relationship with her or her daughters, because it isn't likely to happen. Just put one foot in front of the other, go on with your life and spend as little time as possible looking backward.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single man, and have been for 15 years. A year ago, I met a guy, "Josh," and we fell in love. He lived 240 miles away. A month ago, he transferred his job to my city and moved in with me. (I supported this 100%.) I had sown my wild oats long before he moved in.

Everything was going great until recently. Josh logged into my computer and saw all my emails and text messages, some of which were as recent as a week ago. I have been updating old flings that I'm no longer on the market, but in one particular text, I didn't give such information. Instead, I simply didn't respond.

Later that day, Josh confronted me and began to cry. He said I hurt him, and he doesn't know how to trust me again. Abby, I love Josh with all my heart, and I'm trying to weed out old "flings" as they come in, but as I mentioned, I've been single for 15 years and it will take time.

Since this happened, I have deleted a lot of text messages and updated my social media to "in a relationship," but I'm still unsure how Josh feels. Was he right to go through my emails and text messages? I have since changed my password, but I need advice. What should I do or say to him to make him feel confident in our relationship? I don't want to lose him. -- FORMER BACHELOR IN TEXAS

DEAR FORMER BACHELOR: The questions I have to ask you are: Why did Josh go into your computer, and why did he feel it was necessary to snoop through your texts and emails? How much do you know about his personal history, and did he have trust issues that started before you met? Tell Josh you would like the two of you to get couples counseling from a LGBTQ community center, if he will agree. If he does, it may save your relationship.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 40-something woman who has recently become disabled. I use a wheelchair. Some days, my body works; other days, it doesn't. But walking any distance causes me to have seizures. I look fairly healthy to anyone who isn't close to me, but I'm not.

About a year into my disability, my husband and I had to move in with my dad so he could help care for me. Dad does all the shopping and errands, and my husband works full time. I rarely leave the house. On days when I'm feeling really good, I go shopping with Dad. He's in his 70s, but has no problem pushing me in my wheelchair.

The issue is, I get dirty looks from other elderly people who see an old man pushing what looks like a healthy younger person. I don't feel I should have to explain why I use a wheelchair. However, it's starting to really upset me that the few times a month when I get out, I get dirty looks.

Those people are seeing me on my best days. I'm hoping you can spread the word that some disabilities are invisible, and that it's OK to use a wheelchair if needed. -- PUSHED AROUND IN IDAHO

DEAR PUSHED: Some people do take advantage of disabled parking, and it's not surprising that able-bodied folks are offended by it. HOWEVER, as you so clearly stated, not everyone's disability is obvious. Some healthy-looking individuals have heart problems or balance issues (among others), which is why it is wrong to assume anything about anyone you don't know. When people give you dirty looks because your father is assisting you, simply smile and ignore them.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 24-year-old wife and mother of three children under 3. While I love my husband and children, I'm struggling to find myself and what I like to do. When I wake up, I don't think about myself and what I need. Instead, I feel guilty and selfish when I do think about myself. It's hard for me to focus on work because of the needs of the house.

I'm the second oldest of 10, and from a young age I've had the responsibility of taking care of others. I never realized it would affect me this much. How do I find the balance to make time for myself and my family without feeling guilty? -- HANDS FULL IN TENNESSEE

DEAR HANDS FULL: Please stop beating yourself up for the feelings you are experiencing. You are not the only young mother who has them. You have had three children in three years, and some of those feelings may be hormonal. If you haven't discussed them with your doctor, you should. If you don't want more children in the near future, talk with them about that as well.

Because you took care of your younger siblings for years, could some of them give you a hand now? Are there any other relatives who could ease the responsibility you have taken on? As your babies grow older, you will have time to explore more opportunities for yourself.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for nine years (married for seven). I moved into his house with him, and I'm still not on the mortgage. I work full time in the medical field and contribute to all the bills. We did meet with an attorney, and if, God forbid, something happens to him, we have a quitclaim deed, and I wouldn't have to leave. However, he has said to me several times, "If you do this or that, you can't live here anymore."

I'm on eggshells a lot. My concern is that he could tell me to leave at any time, and I wouldn't have a say in it. I love him with all my heart, but he makes me feel like I'm disposable. It makes me sad and uneasy. What do you think? -- TENTATIVE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR TENTATIVE: Your husband should not be threatening you. You live in a state in which assets are decided by a judge "on an equitable basis." For your peace of mind, schedule an appointment with an attorney and discuss where you would be financially if your marriage should not work out. Then plan accordingly.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend has an aging father who will not bathe more than twice a month. Even then, it's usually just one five-minute shower about every three weeks. Her dad changes clothes at about the same frequency. My friend has tried everything -- asking nicely, nagging, pleading, etc. He continues to ignore her. What, if anything, can my friend do? -- LOYAL SUPPORTER IN IOWA

DEAR SUPPORTER: Sometimes as people age their olfactory sense diminishes. Was your friend's aging father always this way, or is this relatively new behavior? If it's new and he has a doctor, he may need to be neurologically evaluated. If more is going on, and he can no longer take care of himself (i.e., do laundry, clean his home, etc.), someone should do it for him on a regular basis. If he refuses to allow that, suggest she visit with him in well-ventilated surroundings.

DEAR ABBY: My longtime neighbor has stopped speaking to me. I've reached out to her, but she doesn't respond. We raised our children together. Her son is getting married out of state, and my son will be in the wedding party. The groom has sent us a "save the date" card. I would love to see him be married, but I don't want to spoil the day for his mother. Have you any advice about how to proceed? -- WONDERING IN COLORADO

DEAR WONDERING: I wish you had given me a clue about why your longtime neighbor no longer speaks to you. This is not her wedding. Her son would not have sent a "save the date" card if he didn't want you to be part of this special day. If you would be comfortable attending under these circumstances, then go. But don't expect that the breach will be healed. If not, send your regrets and a small gift to the happy couple.