DEAR ABBY: I am a 40-something woman who has recently become disabled. I use a wheelchair. Some days, my body works; other days, it doesn't. But walking any distance causes me to have seizures. I look fairly healthy to anyone who isn't close to me, but I'm not.

About a year into my disability, my husband and I had to move in with my dad so he could help care for me. Dad does all the shopping and errands, and my husband works full time. I rarely leave the house. On days when I'm feeling really good, I go shopping with Dad. He's in his 70s, but has no problem pushing me in my wheelchair.

The issue is, I get dirty looks from other elderly people who see an old man pushing what looks like a healthy younger person. I don't feel I should have to explain why I use a wheelchair. However, it's starting to really upset me that the few times a month when I get out, I get dirty looks.

Those people are seeing me on my best days. I'm hoping you can spread the word that some disabilities are invisible, and that it's OK to use a wheelchair if needed. -- PUSHED AROUND IN IDAHO

DEAR PUSHED: Some people do take advantage of disabled parking, and it's not surprising that able-bodied folks are offended by it. HOWEVER, as you so clearly stated, not everyone's disability is obvious. Some healthy-looking individuals have heart problems or balance issues (among others), which is why it is wrong to assume anything about anyone you don't know. When people give you dirty looks because your father is assisting you, simply smile and ignore them.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 24-year-old wife and mother of three children under 3. While I love my husband and children, I'm struggling to find myself and what I like to do. When I wake up, I don't think about myself and what I need. Instead, I feel guilty and selfish when I do think about myself. It's hard for me to focus on work because of the needs of the house.

I'm the second oldest of 10, and from a young age I've had the responsibility of taking care of others. I never realized it would affect me this much. How do I find the balance to make time for myself and my family without feeling guilty? -- HANDS FULL IN TENNESSEE

DEAR HANDS FULL: Please stop beating yourself up for the feelings you are experiencing. You are not the only young mother who has them. You have had three children in three years, and some of those feelings may be hormonal. If you haven't discussed them with your doctor, you should. If you don't want more children in the near future, talk with them about that as well.

Because you took care of your younger siblings for years, could some of them give you a hand now? Are there any other relatives who could ease the responsibility you have taken on? As your babies grow older, you will have time to explore more opportunities for yourself.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for nine years (married for seven). I moved into his house with him, and I'm still not on the mortgage. I work full time in the medical field and contribute to all the bills. We did meet with an attorney, and if, God forbid, something happens to him, we have a quitclaim deed, and I wouldn't have to leave. However, he has said to me several times, "If you do this or that, you can't live here anymore."

I'm on eggshells a lot. My concern is that he could tell me to leave at any time, and I wouldn't have a say in it. I love him with all my heart, but he makes me feel like I'm disposable. It makes me sad and uneasy. What do you think? -- TENTATIVE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR TENTATIVE: Your husband should not be threatening you. You live in a state in which assets are decided by a judge "on an equitable basis." For your peace of mind, schedule an appointment with an attorney and discuss where you would be financially if your marriage should not work out. Then plan accordingly.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend has an aging father who will not bathe more than twice a month. Even then, it's usually just one five-minute shower about every three weeks. Her dad changes clothes at about the same frequency. My friend has tried everything -- asking nicely, nagging, pleading, etc. He continues to ignore her. What, if anything, can my friend do? -- LOYAL SUPPORTER IN IOWA

DEAR SUPPORTER: Sometimes as people age their olfactory sense diminishes. Was your friend's aging father always this way, or is this relatively new behavior? If it's new and he has a doctor, he may need to be neurologically evaluated. If more is going on, and he can no longer take care of himself (i.e., do laundry, clean his home, etc.), someone should do it for him on a regular basis. If he refuses to allow that, suggest she visit with him in well-ventilated surroundings.

DEAR ABBY: My longtime neighbor has stopped speaking to me. I've reached out to her, but she doesn't respond. We raised our children together. Her son is getting married out of state, and my son will be in the wedding party. The groom has sent us a "save the date" card. I would love to see him be married, but I don't want to spoil the day for his mother. Have you any advice about how to proceed? -- WONDERING IN COLORADO

DEAR WONDERING: I wish you had given me a clue about why your longtime neighbor no longer speaks to you. This is not her wedding. Her son would not have sent a "save the date" card if he didn't want you to be part of this special day. If you would be comfortable attending under these circumstances, then go. But don't expect that the breach will be healed. If not, send your regrets and a small gift to the happy couple.

DEAR ABBY: I am very close to my oldest sister's three sons, especially "Lucas," who is 38. He and I have communicated often and have seen each other (we live in different states) over the years. In a way, I have been his confidant. He knows I love him like a son.

Lucas is a professional in a big city and earns excellent money. He's well-liked and enjoys going out with friends. We haven't seen each other in a year and a half, and our phone/text communications have dwindled to nothing. When I spoke with him briefly a month ago, he was visiting my sister. He shared that he was having a "hard time" and said he would call. I have reached out, but he has not responded.

A month ago, his brother's wife confided to me that Lucas has lost a lot of weight and has been struggling with a meth addiction. I was shocked and contacted his brother to confirm that this was true. I almost hopped on a plane to see Lucas, but it's clear that he's avoiding me.

My family typically handles things with a "don't ask, don't tell" strategy. I'm very much up front (I'm a licensed mediator). I also have learned much about addiction, and I'm very concerned about Lucas. I have been having stress dreams about this. I am also struggling with letting my sister know, but I've been waiting to speak with Lucas. I'd really appreciate any advice you have. -- WORRIED AUNT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WORRIED AUNT: It is possible that your sister already knows about her son's addiction, particularly if it has wrought physical changes. However, if she doesn't know, I do not think you should be the bearer of this news. This is something Lucas must do on his own.

I also think it would be a mistake to force an in-person encounter with your nephew. If you would like to reach out to him and remind him how much you love him and tell him you know what is going on, I see no harm in that.

If, in the course of your profession, you have information that could benefit Lucas, by all means offer it. But freeing himself from his addiction is something he is going to have to do on his own, when he's ready.

DEAR ABBY: My mom is a widow and has been dating a man. One day, after they went out, I noticed he had left his phone behind. I know it sounds horrible, but I snooped and found that he has been texting another woman. He calls her "gorgeous," offers to bring her food, tells her "sweet dreams," sends her photos of himself, etc.

I always knew Mom could do better, and I had my suspicions about this guy. I am very protective of her. She has been through so much. What do I do with this information? If I tell her, I'll feel ashamed for looking in the first place. Please help. -- SNOOP IN MISSOURI

DEAR SNOOP: You have to tell your mother what you did and what you found. Do not classify it as "he's cheating," because you don't know for certain. Simply state the facts, then let her do her own investigating and draw her own conclusions.