DEAR ABBY: Fifteen years ago, my partner and I moved to a new community, befriending a neighbor whose initial kindness and generosity impressed us greatly. When the neighbor learned I was unemployed, his influence enabled me to secure a position with his company.

In a professional setting, however, the neighbor revealed a personality that was manipulative, condescending, backstabbing and mean-spirited, often reducing colleagues to tears with his profanity-laced tirades. His was literally a Jekyll and Hyde transformation.

After a decade of his tyranny and the suicide attempt of a colleague he had mercilessly badgered, I accepted a position with another company, and later retired to another state. Since then, he has contacted me at regular intervals to say he misses us as neighbors and friends and would like to visit.

While working for his company financially empowered us to make future plans previously beyond our means, I lack the ability to prioritize gratitude over the memories of the emotional abuse to which he subjected my co-workers and me.

My tenure there had a negative impact on my health, and I have no desire to relive the experience merely to nourish his ego. My partner suggests I can tolerate anything for a few days. Am I wrong to feel otherwise? -- HESITANT IN ARIZONA

DEAR HESITANT: When your former boss asks to visit, politely decline. If he continues to pursue it, that will be the time for a frank conversation with him. When (and if) it comes to that, express that, although he was kind to you personally, his tirades and the fact that he nearly drove a co-worker to suicide were the reasons you left the company, which is why you prefer he not visit.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 25 years and I have become political opposites over the past several years. We watch different news networks and media. It has grown increasingly difficult to have any conversation with him without politics entering the discussion.

As a result, I avoid talking to him about anything, and it is straining our marriage. I also prefer to go to social events alone, because he brings his political views into even the most casual conversations with people we are meeting for the first time.

Have you any advice on how to address this problem? I don't see it getting any better after the elections, regardless of the outcome. -- OPPOSITE IN HOUSTON, TEXAS

DEAR OPPOSITE: Marriages can fail because a couple's divergent beliefs about what is important have driven a wedge between them that can't be bridged. In most marriages, a degree of compromise can be reached. If you and your husband are having trouble doing that, marriage counseling may help you figure out how to navigate your political differences. If you cannot do that, then you and your husband have some tough decisions to make.

DEAR ABBY: My mother, who is 69, recently moved close to where my wife and I live to be near us as she ages. On the whole, this has been great for all of us. Mom is in good health and still very active. She walks every day and takes care of her house and garden. We see her often.

The problem is, she is very resistant to meeting new people or going out without us. She says she will never find friends as good as the ones she left behind, so it's not worth trying. We encouraged her to join the senior center, which she did, but she quit after a month, saying the people there are "too old."

I took her to church, but after the second Sunday, she announced she's not going back. My wife tried to get her to join a club or volunteer at our kids' school, but Mom said she doesn't like to be on a schedule. Several neighbors invited her over, but she always makes excuses to decline. I think they have stopped asking.

Because she's independent, this isn't a big deal now. But I'm worried that if she doesn't get to know people while she's still active, we'll be her only source of support as she ages.

You often ask if older parents are experiencing a change of personality caused by old age or dementia, and I don't think this is the case here. Mom's always been shy. Now she's shy and stubborn. What are my options? -- LOOKING OUT FOR MOM IN CHICAGO

DEAR LOOKING OUT: Among my first thoughts is that your mother isn't the independent person you described, and she's setting herself up to be completely dependent upon you and your wife for social interaction. It isn't healthy for any of you.

Before she isolates herself further than she already has, sit her down and tell her directly that you do not want this to happen and that she MUST make more of an effort to interact with others. While relationships are not interchangeable, she once had a social life, and she will again IF she makes an effort.

If her shyness prevents her from easily conversing with strangers, suggest that she volunteer at an animal shelter. That way she will be out of the house, interacting with others and not solely dependent on you.

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Sally" has been dating this guy for 10 years. Their relationship has been rocky from the beginning, and he doesn't seem to want to commit. He acts like he doesn't want to even be with her, spending time only when it's convenient for him.

He has put Sally through a lot. He was involved with this other woman. He said it was because she knew some things about him and was holding it against him and he couldn't tell my friend. I think he's a narcissist. What advice can you give her? -- ASKING FOR A FRIEND

DEAR ASKING: Knowing that the most unwanted advice is that which is unasked for, I would wait until the next time Sally complains about the treatment this man has given her for the last 10 years. Then I would suggest that she talk with a licensed mental health professional about how to rebuild her self-esteem.

DEAR ABBY: I am involved with a man, "Gerald," who is an only child and has a difficult relationship with his mother. We bought his mother's home two years ago because she couldn't afford it on her own. She had separated from her husband, who is not Gerald's father.

Initially, his mother was going to stay with us, but she reunited with her husband instead. The issue is, she has not removed her personal items from our home. She's a bit of a hoarder. Our garage is full of her stuff, and every room in our home has her furniture and personal items in it.

I have packed many of them and can no longer deal with the anxiety of the unknown waiting and wondering when she plans to move them. Gerald's strained relationship with his mother doesn't help the situation. I made him text his stepfather asking when the items will be picked up.

According to Gerald, his mother has control issues, and this is all part of her game. I need advice because I'm desperate. I feel Gerald is at fault for not setting an expectation when we first purchased the home. -- BOXED UP IN TEXAS

DEAR BOXED UP: Call Gerald's mother. Tell her you want her things out of your home and set a date, after which you will arrange for a moving company to deliver them to her and her husband. Be sure to give her plenty of notice -- a month -- so she can plan to have what items she doesn't need placed in storage (at her expense). Will she like you for it? Heck, no. But you will be free.

DEAR ABBY: My sister was recently in the hospital. Due to swelling in her hands, it became necessary to remove her wedding band. This ring was our late father's wedding band. If we were not successful in removing it, they were going to have to cut it off. I asked if she wanted me to take it home with me, and she nodded yes. I returned it to her when she came home.

I am now being accused by my family of stealing the ring! My sister wears only this ring, no others. But my family insists she was wearing two of our mother's rings. Nope. Mom was buried with her original wedding ring set and her anniversary ring. (Our parents had been married more than 50 years when Dad passed away. Mom followed five years later.)

I love my family, but right now I'd rather not speak to them for a while. Should I forget the accusation made against me, or keep my distance for my own benefit? -- ACCUSED IN MISSOURI

DEAR ACCUSED: You didn't mention who, exactly, is accusing you of stealing the ring. Is it your sister? She knows how many rings she was wearing when she went to the hospital and should be able to straighten these relatives out. If she cannot or will not do that, for the sake of your mental well-being, it might be better to avoid your accusers until this is resolved.