DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Silas," and I have been married for 30 years. He is the deacon and Sunday school teacher at our church. (His brother is the pastor.) Silas had a two-year affair with another woman at work while he continued teaching Sunday school.

I have a hard time with this. I will never trust him again, and I don't trust him in my faith. I resigned my position as church clerk immediately after finding out what he had done. I couldn't continue my position with the mess I was about to go through. I left him.

Six months later, we got back together, mainly for me to take ownership on everything I had worked for in my life. I have never returned to our church because he didn't step down from leadership, and the church didn't force him. Silas also lied and told the entire congregation, from the pulpit, that I had two affairs. How could he do this in front of the congregation of a church I've attended for 30 years? He is still not REAL in his faith or his love for me.

I have no money to start over, as I withdrew all of my 401(k) and paid off everything we owed, including our home. How do I get out now with no funds? During the six months I was gone, he didn't even want to give me $300 a week to live and pay bills. If I leave, I leave with nothing. All I want is to be loved and happy. Please advise. -- FEELING UNWORTHY IN LOUISIANA

DEAR FEELING UNWORTHY: Please accept my sympathy for this sorry situation. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline and ask for help to escape the financial straitjacket your husband has you in. Its toll-free phone number is 800-799-7233. Many other women have done this and succeeded, and so can you.

DEAR ABBY: I've been in a relationship for 11 years. We're not married, nor do we live together. We are both 57. It has been kind of rocky over the years. He is controlling at times, then does nice things for me. Lately, he has expressed a desire for us to "just have fun." Problem is, he's been having fun with his 27-year-old son and his son's friends, and he has managed to not include me at all. Then he proceeds to ask me what I want to do.

When I mention a few "date" activities, he's not interested. He finds better things to do with his kid and complains to me that I never have any ideas about anything to do. He only wants sex with me. I want to do the fun things I have suggested to him. He claims he loves me and wants me to be part of his life. I feel I'm only a convenience for him. Help, please! -- DISSATISFIED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR DISSATISFIED: If there are things you would like to do, do them with people who are willing. While you're doing that, ask yourself if this is the kind of relationship you want in perpetuity. Whether your boyfriend is bored or having a midlife crisis, I can't opine. But if you feel he values you only for the sex you provide, it may be time to move on.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an outgoing person with a lot of friends, but I have begun being "ghosted" after setting up or facilitating an introduction between male and female friends. This has happened more than once when I'm pretty good friends with the guy. I introduce him to a female friend or colleague and encourage their relationship, only to have him tell me she isn't comfortable with his being my friend, gets jealous, etc.

Abby, I am happily married. I'm not interested in these men, and I'm really annoyed at losing a friend (or worse, he wants to meet only in secret). In most of these cases, I was friendly with the man's ex, and we all did things together without issue. It's making me not want to have male friends and to be wary of female friends. Advice? -- MATCHMAKER IN INDIANA

DEAR MATCHMAKER: Talk about ingratitude. It appears no good deed goes unpunished. It also appears you are swimming in a pond filled with insecure female friends and colleagues. The lesson here is: Stop fixing these women up. Stay out of the line of fire and let them find their own dates from now on.

DEAR ABBY: How do I get over my ex-husband? He wanted the divorce. I was told, not asked! It has been 10 years, yet I still dream about him. I haven't been with him or any other man since then. My disordered sleep is making me crazy. I have tried therapy, sleeping aides (OTC medication, sleep apps), but I still dream of him -- good dreams and bad ones. I'm not sure how much more I can take. How do I keep my ex from my dreams? -- HAUNTED IN ALASKA

DEAR HAUNTED: I have found that the more we try to censor our dreams, the more frequent they become, particularly if the last thing you think about before going to sleep is, "DON'T think about the rat who left me so unceremoniously!" What may help your sleep quality would be to find another therapist and talk, talk, talk until you finally accept that your ex is history. Then you can finally start dreaming about your future instead of the past.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a married disabled woman. I dress myself, wash my clothes, clean up after myself, make my own breakfast and lunch, and cook dinner for my family. I do at-home rehab. My husband is supposed to stretch my legs twice daily to keep them limber, but he refuses to do it twice a day. He will do it only once if I remind him. He won't make our bed or help to clean up the kitchen after I cook. Am I wrong to feel that something is wrong with this picture? -- DOING MY PART IN TEXAS

DEAR DOING: You are entitled to your feelings. It is sad that your husband isn't more willing to help, and you have the right to ask him why he's not. Because he refuses to assist with your rehab more than once a day, if possible, make other arrangements for it. Perhaps another relative or a friend could assist. Your doctor may also be able to help you find someone.

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for many years and have a partner. "Andy" is a widower whose wife died 20 years ago. We have been a couple for 13 years, although we don't live together.

My son is 30, and his partner is 40. Both have their own families and busy lives. I met Andy while my son still lived at home, so he has never spent the night here. My elderly mother lives with me, so it's easier that I stay over at Andy's place. We talk most nights for an hour or so on the phone.

My issue is: Although Andy knows my extended family, and while I know his son's story, I have never met his son. When I asked about it once, he said it was for "privacy" reasons and that his previous girlfriend never met his son either. I find this really odd. My son doesn't like Andy because of this. I don't understand it, but I can live with it. What is your take on it, please? -- MYSTIFIED IN AUSTRALIA

DEAR MYSTIFIED: My take is that, after 13 years, in the normal course of things, you should have met Andy's son. There must be a reason why your partner is keeping you and his son apart. People who are this concerned with privacy usually have secrets they are guarding. Finding out the reason for this is more important than your meeting his son.

DEAR ABBY: I will no longer spend time with my brother-in-law and sister-in-law. This is because of their decades of lying, manipulation and lack of interest in anything that doesn't suit them. (I will tolerate them at weddings, funerals, etc.)

My husband understands my decision and that I would never prevent him from spending time with them, but I won't accompany him. I understand this may put him in a difficult position, but while I feel bad for him, I won't change my position.

Abby, we need a good explanation about why I am absent. I don't want him to lie by saying I had other plans or I'm not feeling well, but I also don't want him to say that I despise them and refuse to be in the same room with them. I'm taking the stand that everyone else in the family would like to take but won't, since they all have enabled this bad behavior all these years. I'm the first to declare that I've had enough.

I want my husband to say something to them one time so they get the point and won't expect to see me in the future. Any words of wisdom? -- ON THE OUTS IN FLORIDA

DEAR ON THE OUTS: I do not think you should burden your husband by expecting him to be the bearer of that message. If his brother or sister-in-law asks where you are, he should tell them you won't be coming. And if they ask why, he should say, "Ask her." That would be the time to convey your message "one time only."