DEAR ABBY: After many years of trying to keep our family together, divorce is our final option. My husband has had two affairs that I know of during our 30-year marriage. They hurt me deeply. We've had lots of counseling, but we can't get past the damage and breakdown in communication.

Should I tell our university-age children about the affairs? I kept them secret for years because he was a good father, and I didn't want to ruin my kids' relationship with their dad. But now that we are breaking up, I'm afraid I may be blamed when our situation is entirely his fault.

I did everything I could to save our marriage, including forgiving the first affair, which happened before our kids were born, and raising what I thought were happy and successful children with him. Now he has blown this up again, and I'm angry he gets to continue having a good relationship with our children.

At the same time, I have a good relationship with my elderly father, although I suspect he may have cheated on my mother. After all these years, I don't know for sure and I'm grateful I don't. What do you think? Should my children know the real reason why we split? -- RESENTFUL IN CANADA

DEAR RESENTFUL: If your husband is true to form, your children will probably figure out for themselves that their dad has a character flaw. You stated that you are grateful you don't know the intimate details about your father. That's why I'm recommending you take a page out of your own book and refrain from the temptation to sling mud at your almost-ex.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend and I both have children in their mid-20s. I don't understand why she coddles her son to the point that he is just now learning to do laundry, clean his own bathroom, pay bills, grocery shop or even attend doctor's appointments on his own. She always has some excuse as to why he wasn't taught life skills when he was younger.

When it came time for her son to move out, she bought herself a new home instead. She stated it would be easier for him and that he shouldn't have to pay the price of a house with interest rates where they are. She then spent an insane amount on a home and moved, buying new furniture for herself and leaving her old stuff for him.

How can she not see she's doing more harm than good when it comes to teaching him independence? Both parents do this to him. My daughter, age 18, has been doing these things since she was 12, and that includes cooking, yard work, laundry and housework besides just vacuuming. Doesn't my friend realize it's harmful to not have her son do things on his own? Am I wrong for thinking this way? -- GOOD PARENT IN MICHIGAN

DEAR PARENT: You are not wrong. By not teaching her son survival skills he will need on his own (if he ever gets there), she has slowed his ability to fend for himself. This may have been an attempt to make his life easier. It could also have been an attempt to keep her beloved son dependent upon her as long as possible. Be thankful the young man is getting the lessons he is being taught, even if they are a little late.

DEAR ABBY: The daughter of a friend is getting married and sent an email announcement with a link to watch a livestream of the ceremony. I have never been invited to NOT attend an event before, and frankly, my feelings are hurt. (My husband was an incredible artist. Should I send a livestream of others enjoying his work in person?)

Does etiquette require I send a wedding gift? I would've understood not being invited if they were keeping it a small affair, but inviting a widow to witness a friend's emotional, romantic moment in the solitude of her home seems cruel. Am I out of touch with what is socially acceptable? -- NOT GOING IN TEXAS

DEAR NOT GOING: If the wedding is being held some distance from where you live, then the invitation to livestream was probably an attempt to be considerate. Today, many meaningful events are livestreamed, including funerals and memorials. If you would find watching the ceremony depressing and prefer not to "tune in," then don't do it. And, no, you are not required to send a gift. (A sweet e-card congratulating the couple would be a nice gesture.)

DEAR ABBY: My brother is married to a very nice woman. It's the second marriage for both, and they both work, although they do not handle money well. They have traveled to family events and ended up running out of money for meals, car rentals, etc.

My sister-in-law heard about a girls trip my daughters-in-law, a few close friends and I will be taking. She has invited herself along, and I don't know how to politely tell her she can't come unless she has the money up front to pay her share. It would kill me to hurt her feelings. Please advise. -- RESPONSIBLE LADY OUT WEST

DEAR LADY: Who has paid for the food and car rentals that this couple didn't have the money to cover? Were those relatives ever reimbursed? Unless you want to foot the bill for your SIL on this trip (to which she has invited herself), you'll have to summon up the courage to tell her you will under no circumstances be doing that. If her feelings are hurt when you state the obvious (that you are not a pushover), so be it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 79-year-old woman. I have had a friend since high school who is five months younger than I am. A few weeks, sometimes months, before my birthday rolls around, she'll come out with comments about her being several months younger. These comments hover between sarcastic and just plain mean.

I think she thinks she's being clever, but after many years of this, it is no longer funny. When she makes a comment this year about my BIG birthday, what could my comeback be, in essence, telling her to knock it off? -- SAME AGE IN FLORIDA

DEAR SAME AGE: How about this, spoken with a smile of course: "Oh, Honey, age is only a number. My birthday may come before yours, but you are right behind me. I'm trying out the number before you get there. At this point, I consider each day a blessing and so should you."

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have a daughter, "Liz," who is our life. She's 28 and a nurse. Her boyfriend, "Owen," used to be a heavy cannabis user. My wife suspects he still uses it when he gets "stressed." He is also a gambler.

We have tried to give Owen a chance. He had no place to stay, so he stays in our walk-in in-law apartment. My wife thinks he is disrespectful, but I think she overreacts because she doesn't like him.

Owen has been going out with my daughter for four years now, and he says he is getting her a ring, but nothing transpires. Liz seems to love him, but my wife and I feel he's not a good choice and is headed for trouble down the road.

I'm at my wit's end and my wife is constantly stressed. I know you are going to say our daughter is 28 and an adult, etc., but this situation is different. What else can you offer? -- STRUNG ALONG IN NEW YORK

DEAR STRUNG ALONG: Have a "man-to-man" talk with Owen to ask directly what his plans are regarding his relationship with your daughter. He has lived with you (rent-free, I presume) for four years, and the ring he promised hasn't materialized.

The living situation you have tolerated for so long hasn't helped him move forward. (Could he have gambling debts?) While Liz may not like you doing it, explain to Owen that it's time to find a place of his own. I'm hoping, as I suspect you are, that this may galvanize him to action -- whether it's to step up to the plate or head out the door.

DEAR ABBY: How do I ask my family to stop worrying about me? I was widowed three years ago after a 28-year relationship. My sisters and father panic if I don't respond to their texts within 12 hours, always telling me they are "just worried."

We live in different time zones, and I try to respect them by not responding after 9 or 10 p.m. They react with great worry when they don't hear from me. I am a capable, self-aware adult, and I would like this to stop without hurting their feelings. I have told them this and they continue!

For example, I traveled one weekend and returned home after 10 p.m. my time, midnight their time, and they responded 12 hours later "HELLO??" when I didn't respond to a text about whether I was home. This was air travel, not by car. When my father learned I had been out of town, he was hurt that he was not aware.

I appreciate their concern but do not feel I need to reassure them of my well-being. At the same time, I don't want to push them away. Please advise. -- DOING WELL IN NEVADA

DEAR DOING WELL: Clearly, you have been much too considerate. Here's what you do: Regardless of the hour, answer their texts. Let them wake up at midnight or 1 a.m. to the "good news" that you have arrived home safely, and perhaps they'll loosen up and stop worrying so much.