DEAR ABBY: I'm a Chinese man born in the United States. My girlfriend, whom I've yet to meet in person, lives in China and is 24 years younger than I am. (I live in California.) We're awaiting approval of paperwork with the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Service. We have both been divorced twice. She has a grown son (single) in his 30s in Japan. My two children are in their 50s and self-sufficient.

We both are Christian and educated. Her English proficiency is fair to good. I'm a physician; she's a teacher. We are kind, gentle, patient people. We plan to meet and, hopefully, marry. She would relocate to the U.S., and I might continue to work part time. From what I've told you, how would you rate our chances of marital success? -- HOPING FOR THE BEST

DEAR HOPING: Are you absolutely certain that this woman is who she says she is? Many people have been duped by someone they met on the internet. Have you discussed this with your adult children, who might be more tech-savvy? (I hope so!)

You and this woman have never seen each other in person and have no idea what the chemistry between the two of you would be like. When she arrives, take sufficient time to get to know each other, observe each other in various situations (including stressful ones) and figure out whether your personalities and lifestyles mesh. Because of these unanswered questions, I think your chances of success are about 50-50.

DEAR ABBY: My parents are in their early 70s and have been married 51 years. They have two homes -- one in the Midwest and another in the South. They used to go back and forth between them together, but for the past two years, they have basically lived in separate states.

In total, they spend about two months a year together, and Mom complains nonstop when they are together. She is concerned only with herself and having fun, and she has progressively ignored my dad, my brother, her grandchildren and me. I'm so angry with her that I think my dad should divorce her. She stays with him only for his money and admits it to me and all of her friends.

Should I tell Dad to divorce her? I don't understand why he puts up with her behavior. I'm convinced once he dies (his health is worse than hers), we will never hear from her again. -- FRUSTRATED AND HURT IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Many marriages are close and loving ones; others are what I would call "arrangements." Your parents apparently have the latter because it may work better for them (possibly for religious or financial reasons) than divorce.

Please refrain from telling your father what to do. I have a strong hunch he has thought this through. As to your relationship with dear old Mom, you have my sympathy. You may need a therapist to deal with her selfishness and rejection of you, your brother and the grandchildren.

DEAR ABBY: My sister passed away from cancer seven years ago. Her daughter and I have always been close -- doing things together, going on trips, etc. Four years ago, she started dating a guy who thinks he's better than everyone. I have met him but have yet to meet the rest of his family. She always comes up with some excuse.

This past weekend she told me they were going somewhere special so he could propose, and he wanted to borrow a ring he had already given her (which I thought was odd). Then I saw on Facebook that his entire family was there for that special moment, but I wasn't invited.

I am heartbroken. If he planned it and didn't ask me, that's being a jerk. But my niece knowing about it and excluding me is a different story. I'm hurt and angry. I don't know what to say to her at this point. I feel she's ashamed of or embarrassed by me because I don't drive a fancy car. -- OVERLOOKED AUNT IN VIRGINIA

DEAR AUNT: You state that your niece's boyfriend thinks he is "better than everyone" and you suspect you were excluded from the engagement event because you are not as wealthy as the family he comes from. But if he couldn't afford to buy your niece an engagement ring and needed to borrow one he had already given her, you may be overestimating his net worth.

I can't blame you for feeling the way you do, and please realize you have every right to express those feelings to the thoughtless niece you befriended.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is brilliant, classy, faithful, a great father and handsome at 46, with not even a wrinkle. He's been in a financial rut for about a decade and has let himself go. I respect him, but when I try to help him look better, he says, "I don't care. Go ahead and leave me," which I think is very immature.

I am becoming resentful because I've been with him for so long and have contributed 50% to our finances and 100% to his dreams as he has moved us around the USA. I'm 42 and beginning to find younger men attractive. While I'd never cheat, I can't help but miss the man I fantasize about in my dreams. It's hurtful that he doesn't care. People think he's my father when they meet him. Please help. -- MISSING THE REAL HIM

DEAR MISSING: Has it occurred to you that when a brilliant, classy, faithful, handsome 46-year-old man who has been "in a rut" for the last 10 years lets his appearance go, he may be depressed? Rather than a physical makeover, he may need a mental one. Tell him you love him, that you are worried about his physical and mental health, and try to convince him to tell his doctor how he's feeling. If you do, it may be the answer to your problem.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I had a baby right around the time my father remarried. I didn't know my new stepmother very well when she started giving me parenting advice. The issue is, her convictions are not in line with mine and also conflict with the advice from the CDC or the American Academy of Pediatrics. Some examples: She insists breastfeeding is stunting the baby's growth (she's fine), that babies should be put to bed face-down (dangerous) and that holding a baby in a car is just as good as a car seat (?!). I do my best to smile, nod and go about my business, but she's really pushy and keeps saying she was a nurse, so she knows what she's talking about.

After hearing about that nursing experience one too many times, I asked her son about it, and it turns out she earned a nursing assistant degree via correspondence and failed twice before barely passing. She never worked as a nurse.

Being direct with her hasn't helped. Talking to Dad hasn't helped (they're newlyweds). Walking away doesn't help -- she follows me. What choice do I have, short of banning her from my house (or coming to blows, which would be effective, but not the way I want to go)? -- OPPOSED IN OHIO

DEAR OPPOSED: Because Dad refuses to accept that his bride has misrepresented herself, pray he stays in good health and doesn't give her his power of attorney for health care. As to her unwanted and incorrect advice on childcare, listen, smile sweetly and exercise your option as a mother not to follow it. Continue breastfeeding, position your little one in the crib as you have been instructed by reliable sources and never, ever, let her hold the baby while she's in the car. It's against the law and it could be fatal.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband, "Mark," for 13 years. During this time, I have realized that marrying him was a mistake. His parents didn't have a healthy marriage, and I know he doesn't know what love is. His dad often traveled for work and kept a mistress on the side. My mother-in-law stayed in the marriage anyway.

Mark is very self-centered. I snore. When I do, my husband will wake me up either by a loud noise, plugging my nose or shaking me. He says he can't sleep when I snore. I suggested he use earbuds like he does when he listens to music. His ex-wife also said he was difficult to be married to. I am 59 and confident enough to be on my own. Your thoughts? -- READY FOR CHANGE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR READY: Because you have felt nearly from the outset of your 13-year marriage that it was a mistake, I'm thinking it is time you discuss this with an attorney who can explain what a divorce would mean for your financial future. Mark's ex-wife may have been on the right track when she walked out.