DEAR ABBY: My older daughter, "Brianna," age 42, does not want anything to do with me or her brother and sister-in-law. She keeps me from my granddaughter, who is 17. I have been divorced since the '90s and remarried for 25 years. My first husband was a cheater. I tried very hard to save my first marriage. We got back together six months later, but he walked out again.
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When I remarried, Brianna wasn't happy. I have another daughter, age 24, with my current husband. Brianna wants nothing to do with any of us. I wrote her and said I was sorry for the divorce. She has never mentioned anything about my letter. I have to leave gifts to my granddaughter at the front door. This hurts so bad. Everyone says let them go. I love them so much. What do you think? -- ESTRANGED MOM IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR MOM: I think your granddaughter will be 18 very soon, and an adult. IF her mother hasn't diverted those gifts you have been leaving, she knows she has a grandmother who loves her. The ball will be in her court as to whether to make contact with you. (I hope she will.) If, however, she doesn't do that, you are going to have to turn your eyes forward and let her and your daughter live their lives, while you concentrate on what is healthy for you.
If you need interaction with younger people, volunteer some time where it will make a difference. If your interests lie elsewhere, devote some of your extra time and effort in that direction. Your pain may lessen if you give yourself less time to dwell on it.