DEAR ABBY: After being widowed for several years, I've met someone. We are talking about my moving into his home. My problem is, what do I do with my husband's ashes? I'll be keeping my house and won't be moving a lot of my things, but leaving him here seems wrong, and taking him along doesn't seem right either.

At the time of his death, his children wanted nothing to do with his ashes. Because I haven't heard from them since his passing, asking them again is out of the question. Any idea what I should do? -- RESPECTFUL IN MISSOURI

DEAR RESPECTFUL: What did you plan to do with the cremains in the event of your own demise? Have your wishes changed now that you have met someone? Because you haven't heard from your late husband's children doesn't mean you shouldn't contact them one last time. Ask what, if anything, they would like you to do with their father's ashes. Should you send them so they can dispose of them as a family, or would they prefer you scatter them in a significant place of your choosing? Their response will tell you what you need to know, and you can proceed free of guilt.

DEAR ABBY: My wife's good friend has had a tough time since her divorce. She started dating this guy off and on a few years ago. After the second breakup, we learned the reason. He was verbally abusive (same as her ex-husband).

They eventually resumed living together only to break up again after he threw hot cooking oil on her. This qualifies as physical abuse and, because they lived together, domestic abuse. She moved away and was considering a restraining order.

Several months have gone by, and now we have learned he has moved back in! We are worried for her and her young daughter. My experience as a former law enforcement officer is why I'm convinced she is trapped in a spiral of domestic abuse. I'm afraid each event will become more violent.

How can friends help in these cases? It's easy to spot these cycles when you are not in them. -- STANDING BY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR STANDING BY: The most helpful thing you and your wife can do is continue to stand by this friend. Do not allow her abuser to isolate her. Explain your concerns about the man's hair-trigger temper and your worry that her child could be caught in the middle of one of his violent episodes -- or injured or killed if his fury is aimed directly at the child.

You or your wife should talk privately with her. Make sure she has the phone number of the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233). And reinforce that if she senses she might be in danger, she can call not only the police but also you.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 42 years. Three months ago, I started seeing changes in my husband's behavior. He had lost two good friends within two months, so I attributed it to that.

Then one day, he asked me to look up something on his phone and that's when I saw text messages between him and a girl named "Ginger" who works for him, inviting her to come to the shop every night to have a beer. Of course she never said no. She also would text him looking for him if he couldn't make it, telling him she would miss him.

My husband is 60; Ginger is 30. He also tells me he also has a woman friend (also 30) who works at a local business. He has confided personal family business to her that I know she has shared with other people.

I'm at a loss. I'm retired but I'm always ready to go and do anything with him. I have supper ready when he gets home after spending an extra hour with Ginger every night. What can I do to bring my husband home to me? I take care of myself, always look my best and listen when he talks. -- WHAT TO DO IN THE EAST

DEAR WHAT TO DO: This may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with your husband's fear of his own mortality. In light of the fact that he has just lost two close friends in the last three months, he may find the company of these young women to be a distraction. That said, what he's doing is disrespectful to you and possibly a threat to your marriage.

Have you discussed how this has made you feel? If you haven't, you should. You appear to be trying your best to do your part, but you can't fix this alone. It may be time for you to start concentrating less on what pleases him and more on what is good for you. And while you're at it, begin monitoring his/your financial records to see if there have been any "out of the ordinary" expenditures. If there have been, it may be time to consult a lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 30 years but have never really been happy with each other. For years I have had painful skin infections on my face, which have required trips to multiple dermatologists. They have done biopsies, and they still can't pinpoint the cause of my skin problems.

Recently, because one of my infections was spreading to my sinus cavity and my eye, I moved out of the master bedroom into one of the kids' old rooms. My skin is clearing up now, and I'm pain-free.

I always suspected that my husband might have had something to do with this, plus I found a book he had about wild mushrooms. In it, he had underlined a part that said mushrooms are parasitic. What do you think, Abby? -- SUSPICIOUS IN FLORIDA

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: I think you should discuss this with the doctors who have been trying to diagnose the cause of your repeated infections. If you are correct in your suspicions, you should talk to the police because your husband may be guilty of assault with intent to harm you. This may be your chance to end your long, unhappy marriage. Do not return to the master bedroom until this matter has been resolved to your satisfaction.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 10 years, together for 12. We have no children together, but I have four from a previous marriage. Two are grown and have moved out; two are still home and in high school.

When we got together, my husband stepped right up and became a wonderful stepdad. He has always been a provider, a listener, an advice giver, friend, etc. He is the epitome of a great dad and husband. My family loves him, and I love him with my whole heart.

There is just one small problem that has recurred throughout our marriage. Abby, he told me several years ago that he had stopped smoking marijuana, yet many times over the years I have caught him sneaking around to do it. If I ask him about it, he lies to my face and insists that no, he doesn't. I don't ask unless I have seen it or have found some somewhere.

We live in a state where recreational use is legal, so it's not the smoking that really bothers me -- it's the lying. I don't partake, so I guess I don't understand, but how can I get him to see that I need him to be honest with me? I can't accept being lied to, especially over something so stupid. -- MIFFED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MIFFED: Your husband may lie because he knows how you feel about his smoking, and he wants to avoid conflict. Since you have caught him in the act, his unwillingness to fess up shows a lack of character and, I'm sorry to say, a tendency to gaslight you, and I don't blame you for being upset.

There are few ways more effective in eroding trust than to do what you say he has been doing. That is why it is important the two of you have an HONEST discussion about his pot smoking -- either at home or in the office of a licensed family therapist.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently moved to a new city. I have made friends here, and we have great neighbors. I have become close with several of the women, but my husband has not made any buddies. When I try to create opportunities for him to get closer to the guys, he reacts by saying, "How dare you!" or "What makes you think I need help?"

When I want some girl time with my friends, he gets mad and accuses me of not wanting him around and excluding him from my life. I can't seem to make him understand that women need girl time for our own mental health, and it is not about him. Help, please! -- SAD AND TRAPPED

DEAR SAD: Most women need women friends, so please don't isolate yourself in an attempt to placate your husband. If he thinks that by hanging around with you and your women friends he is filling what's missing in his social life, he needs a wake-up call. Whether you want him around during those visits or not, the feelings of the other women should be considered.

Did your husband have male friends in your former town? I suspect not, which may be why he continues to be so dependent on you now. Unless he is willing to make the effort, you can't fix his social problems. Encouraging him to develop hobbies and interests of his own may help, and volunteering in your new community might introduce him to other men he can bond with. Please suggest it.