DEAR ABBY: I love my father, but I'm sick of trying so hard with him. When we used to spend time together, he would ignore me if I spoke but respond if my husband said the same thing right after me. If he did act like he heard me, he'd just grunt or act disinterested in what I said.

Now, if I try to contact him, he doesn't answer my calls or texts, and I feel like I'm bothering him. If I don't contact him, he tells everyone I "never call" and that I keep my kids from seeing him. Lately, he has been spreading a rumor that I went into his house and stole family items. His house has an alarm and stays locked up. (I also live several hundred miles away.)

He refuses counseling and denies any responsibility for conflicts in his relationships. I'm tired of the emotional anguish and games. My mom, who divorced him decades ago, wants me to keep trying because she cherished her relationship with her own now-deceased father so much. Do I honor my mother and keep trying? Or should I put my foot down and let my mother know I refuse to be abused this way? -- CAN'T WIN IN TENNESSEE

DEAR CAN'T WIN: Your mother was smart enough to get away from your father, whose behavior is abusive. Explain to her (it's surprising she hasn't already noticed) that your relationship with him is diametrically opposed to the one she enjoyed with her own father. It's unfortunate that the relationship you have with your dad isn't healthy for you, and it certainly won't benefit your children to see you treated the way he has been treating you. So if you're asking my permission to keep your distance from your father, you have it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for three years, together for eight. We have two kids together. Over the last year, he has changed a lot and has treated me very badly. He's always frustrated with me, accusing me of not caring about him and things of that nature. He puts me down by saying I think I'm a good person but I'm not.

I noticed the changes in him and suspected he might be having an affair or using drugs. It turns out that he has been using drugs. I told him from the beginning that if he touched this certain drug, I would show him the door. He finally admitted the truth, but only because his older brother told me and he had no choice. He had a great job, which he quit after he refused a drug screen. I'm so upset and hurt by his lies and the drug abuse. He has been moved out for a little over a week now and hasn't even asked about the kids. Do you think this is grounds for a divorce, or should I try to help him through his addiction and let him come back home? -- ADDICT'S WIFE IN TEXAS

DEAR WIFE: Is your husband still jobless? Has he told you that he loves you and wants to come back? Is he willing to join a support group and get help for his addiction? If the answers are no, then please realize that the only person responsible for overcoming his addiction is himself, not you. And yes, I think this may be grounds for divorce -- unless you want those children living under the same roof with a verbally abusive drug addict who shows no interest in them.

DEAR ABBY: I am a mature, divorced woman living with my boyfriend for the past two years. We have a good life in general. We live in a nice home in a great community. My problem is, he isn't capable of showing as much affection as I need. He grew up in a family in which affection was not demonstrated physically or verbally. He claims he is the same way but will "work on it." His temporary efforts are nice, but they don't last long and things return to "business as usual." Our sex life works -- in a mechanical kind of way, but there is no "lovemaking" as part of it. How do I maintain being understanding toward the situation? Should we part ways because my needs aren't being met? He's a good man, and the lack of affection is the only thing missing. -- UNFULFILLED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNFULFILLED: Try this: Fill your boyfriend to the brim with love and affection, and what spills over may come back to you. Communication is key. Tell him you love him -- often -- and be physically demonstrative. If you need affection, ask for it. The kind of spontaneous demonstrations of affection you crave were never patterned for him during his formative years, so he will have to be taught everything. Please try it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain if you do.

DEAR ABBY: My sister and I have always had a decent relationship, but for about the last two years, we haven't communicated with each other. I recently learned that she and her husband had a baby three months ago, making me an uncle. This is their fourth child, and they just announced the child's name. What's bothering me is that I got the information through a general Facebook post. I was never contacted to be told I was about to become an uncle again. Should I be upset about this? I'm the only brother and family member left. -- BATTLING EMOTIONS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR BATTLING: Much depends upon the reason you and your sister haven't been in contact in two years. Could you have had a falling out with her or her husband? Have you tried communicating with her? She may have felt slighted or that you weren't interested in a closer relationship. Because this has upset you, pick up the phone and straighten this out with your sister before you drift further apart than you already are. Half the blame for this may be yours, but you won't know for sure unless you ask.

DEAR ABBY: I've got a small group of women friends I've known since childhood. One of them talks about everyone behind our backs. She's sweet and nice to our faces, but as soon as our backs are turned, she can't wait to dish the dirt. She really hurt my feelings the last time. I haven't spoken to her in almost three months, and I am stress-free! Am I being childish? -- PEEVED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PEEVED: Childish? Not at all. Why spend time with someone you know you can't trust? In my opinion, you are being smart and self-protective.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Connie," is an angel. She takes care of her aging father as well as my sister, who suffers from Alzheimer's. This, in addition to her religious practices, consumes most of her time, energy and emotional resources. She often arrives home in the late afternoon or early evening stressed and completely exhausted.

An elderly and physically challenged neighbor has occasionally relied on Connie for help with little tasks. However, the woman recently suffered an event that requires her to have a great deal more help, and Connie feels "roped into" providing it.

I think that in light of Connie's prior family commitments, she shouldn't feel obligated to provide the extra help this neighbor now needs. I worry that these extra responsibilities will be detrimental to her health, and I have told her so. She acknowledges my position, but feels obligated toward this neighbor.

What can I tell my wife to make her realize that for her own sake, as well as the sake of the family for whom she provides care, she needs to determine her limits and priorities and resist yielding to additional cries for help? -- AT THE LIMIT IN OREGON

DEAR AT THE LIMIT: You are married to a rescuer. She continually puts the needs of others before her own welfare. You are not wrong to be concerned. At some point, Connie may very well burn out. All you can do as her husband is be supportive, remind her about the importance of taking care of herself (she won't be able to help anyone if she breaks down), and step in if it starts to affect her own health.

Rather than take on all of the day-to-day care for this neighbor, might it be easier for Connie to coordinate outside help to do it? It is a question worth asking.

DEAR ABBY: After attending a water aerobics class for three months, I have had it with the talkers in the pool. I'm not the only one annoyed that a handful of ladies disrespect the instructors and the rest of the class. They have been asked to quiet down by instructors and the other participants. There is even a sign on the door asking for limited talking.

These elderly ladies are oblivious to how loud and disturbing they are. Some have hearing loss and the acoustics in an indoor pool are terrible, so their voices just get louder and louder. I kid you not, two of them talk the entire hour, which makes it difficult for the rest of us to hear the instructor or the music very well.

They are kidding themselves if they think they are working out -- they just bob up and down and talk. Once in a while, they ask "What are we doing now?" because they are not paying attention. When these ladies start talking to each other, those nearby get distracted and can't work out, either.

Am I wrong to think that when a class starts, the talking should stop so everyone can participate in the class? -- SPLASHING MAD IN NORTH IDAHO

DEAR SPLASHING: You are not wrong. The instructor should tell these ladies they are being disruptive to the class and to confine their chatter to the changing room -- or, if they cannot comply, to leave the area.