DEAR ABBY: I grew up with very strict parents. They used money to control me, even after I graduated from college and grad school. I'm happy to report that I recently landed my dream job. I have achieved financial freedom and, at last, I'm independent.

My question is, how do I avoid going wild? I'm suddenly free to do whatever I want, and I'm tempted to go out and party like I never could before. I want to have fun, drink, dance and finally start dating (and maybe sleeping) around. I worry, though, that I don't know how to indulge without going over the top.

I've been going to concerts (which I love), staying up too late and eating a ton of junk food. All of that seems fine, within reason, but I already feel like I've been drinking too much, and I'm worried this might carry over into other aspects of my newly liberated existence. I would hate for my freedom to negatively impact my job performance or have any lasting negative consequences.

I know I'm dealing with something most people process in college, when there is a roommate to help you look out for yourself, a class schedule to maintain and limited funds to spend going out. Instead, I'm on my own, working a job I love with a flexible schedule and I earn enough money to go out as often as I please.

I know I should be saving and budgeting, but I haven't gotten there yet. I have a fair amount saved, and I add more every paycheck, but it's nothing formal. I definitely have been spending too much on clothes -- my wardrobe was a constant battleground before -- and I love wearing things I choose.

Basically, I'm asking for advice on how to enjoy my new freedom in a responsible, healthy way -- without going wild. -- UNLEASHED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR UNLEASHED: A way to avoid overspending and prepare for your future would be to start saving a predetermined amount from your paycheck on a regular basis. You didn't mention whether your employer has a program in place in which a certain amount of money can be automatically withheld from employees' salaries and placed in a retirement account. The way to find out is to ask.

As to your newfound freedom: Although you are a bright young woman and academically accomplished, you may need some guidance now, because your strict upbringing deprived you of learning experiences when you were younger. Talk about this with a licensed psychotherapist until you are less tempted to compensate by "running wild."

DEAR ABBY: How old is too old for a bride to have a wedding shower? I just turned 45, and this is my first marriage. My fiance is 49, and this is his second marriage. We are not "just starting out," by any means. Friends are insisting that I have a shower and register for key serving pieces, art pieces, etc. Would it be a faux pas, or does age not matter? Inquiring minds want to know. Thank you! -- WONDERING IN MISSOURI

DEAR WONDERING: If your friends would like to host a wedding shower for you, relax, enjoy yourself and agree. It would not be a breach of etiquette, and your age should not be a factor in whether you have one.

DEAR ABBY: I'm irritated by my neighbors, and I don't know quite how to approach it. I live in a densely populated, but quiet, neighborhood. New neighbors moved in a couple of years ago, and after moving in, they hung a wind chime on their front porch. This isn't your average wind chime. If I had to guess, the chimes are at least five feet long.

At first, I didn't think much of it. These whimsical little melodies you hear every time the wind blows can be cute, I guess. But it gets quite windy here, and I'm constantly distracted by the loud, clanging chimes. I don't want to be the type of person who knocks on their door and tells them how I feel. I was hoping you could chime in. -- DISTURBED IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR DISTURBED: Make it your business to find out what the noise ordinances are in your neighborhood. Then become the type of neighbor who knocks on their door. When you do, wear a smile and bring along a small gift.

Explain that you don't want to appear to be a complainer, but could they please modify those wind chimes, because on windy days the constant banging gives you headaches. If they are good neighbors and cooperative, be grateful. However, if they aren't, you may have to pursue legal means.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 12 years, but things have changed. We sleep in separate beds, we both work and we spend little time together, and we can't have a decent conversation.

I feel like I have a roommate who just comes and goes as he pleases. He always has an excuse for not spending time with me and our daughter. I don't feel like we are married anymore. What should I do? -- DISSATISFIED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR DISSATISFIED: Tell your husband you feel like you are living with a roommate rather than a spouse. Tell him you miss the closeness you once shared, and ask if he is willing to work on it. What is currently happening isn't fair to you or your daughter. Then make an appointment with a marriage counselor to discuss the state of your marriage -- with him, if he's willing -- or without him.

DEAR ABBY: I recently married, and my 19-year-old son and I moved in with my new husband. My son works full time and goes to school part time. My husband expects him to do dishes and other chores. My son does take care of the recycling and trash on a weekly basis. I work from home part time, and I don't mind doing the chores. This is causing a lot of contention between us. Am I wrong to defend my son? -- WILLING IN FLORIDA

DEAR WILLING: You should not have to "defend" your son. There are now three adults living under that roof. Your son is not a freeloader, he's working full time and taking classes. All three of you should be doing the dishes "and other chores" as needed. And you should all be in agreement about the timing and rotation of who will do what, and when.

DEAR ABBY: My 30-year-old stepson, "David," is a convicted sex offender, currently serving a 15-year sentence for possession of child pornography and having inappropriate conversations with a preteen that almost went further. This was his third arrest for the same thing. David is also mildly autistic.

I am beside myself. Because of David's autism, his family looks the other way about his crimes. They all send him money, call him, buy him things, etc. I have kids of my own, and, frankly, the whole situation makes me want to vomit. I hide how I feel and try to be there for my husband because he loves his son, and it pains him to see David in prison. He also has been wonderful to my kids and raised them like his own.

I'm dreading what is going to happen when David is out of prison. He has nowhere to go, and I know he's going to want to live with us. I am 1,000% against this, and I truly believe it could happen again.

My kids will be adults soon and away at college when he's released, so I can't use that as an excuse for him not to live with us. I also don't want my home address on the sex offender registry. The street where I live is full of children. What can I do?

I don't want to lose my husband over this. I love him with all my heart, which is why I can't tell him how I feel. Every time David speaks with his dad, he tells him he wishes he were home with him. Please help! -- STEPMOM WHO'S DREADING IT

DEAR STEPMOM: It is time to have an honest talk with your husband about this. When a sex offender is released from prison, there are stipulations in place. One of them is being forbidden to live close to young, vulnerable children. Because your street is populated with them, David may not be able to live with you. This is something you and your husband need to be communicating about as David's release draws nearer, because it will have an impact on your lives.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are part of a three-couple group who enjoy dining out as well as entertaining in our homes. However, while my wife and I and one other couple serve as hosts, the third never invites us into their home. They often suggest a menu or an occasion for us or the other couple to serve when we host.

This has gone on for at least five years. Both wives (who do most of the work for whatever in-home event there is) don't seem bothered by it, but it irks me. Is there a way to kindly suggest the third couple host without causing a problem? -- FAIR IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR FAIR: There can be several reasons why people behave as this couple does. They may not be confident in their cooking skills or the appearance of their home. However, they should attempt to make up for it in other ways such as offering to bring food or beverages, or by doing the cleanup after the dinners. I see nothing wrong with asking the couple the reason for their reluctance, as long as it is done privately.