DEAR ABBY: I am a 63-year-old heterosexual male who has recently joined an adult dating site to enhance my social and sexual life. A therapist suggested that it would help me to break out of my isolation and heal from the trauma of childhood sexual abuse. Could you please recommend some dating etiquette? What support organizations can assist with my recovery efforts? -- LOOKING IN THE WEST

DEAR LOOKING: Ask your therapist to suggest some sites you should visit. After you have looked them over, ask your therapist how to proceed. You are paying for emotional support from this person, and this is who should actually assist you with your recovery. If it works, stick with this therapist. If it does not, contact R.A.I.N.N. (Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network) at rainn.org to see if you are on the right track.

DEAR ABBY: For years, we have given generous gifts to our six out-of-town grandchildren and received almost no thanks or acknowledgment. It hurts my feelings because I devote a lot of thought, in addition to money, to choosing something special for each of them.

Obviously, they don't care, but when we have just sent checks, not knowing what they read, wear or want, our checks are always cashed. It's the same with gift cards. This year, we will send gifts to their parents -- our own children. Period. The grandchildren will receive your Letters Booklet -- including the section on writing thank-you notes. Please send me six before the end of November. -- TICKED OFF GRANNY IN OREGON

DEAR TICKED OFF: The issue you have raised is one I hear about often from other "ticked off" readers each year. I'm sorry you didn't mention how old your grandchildren are, because the fault may lie with their parents, who should have taught their children this social skill from the time they were old enough to hold a writing implement. Some people procrastinate because they don't know how to express their feelings via the written word and fear they will say the wrong thing. They mistakenly think a thank-you note must be long and flowery when, in fact, short and to the point is more effective.

This is why the "How to Write Letters" booklet was written. It contains samples of thank-you letters for birthday gifts, shower gifts and wedding gifts, as well as those that arrive around holiday time. (It also includes letters of congratulations and ones regarding difficult subjects, such as the loss of a parent, a spouse or a child.)

This booklet can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address plus a check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby Letters Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

With the holiday season fast approaching, this is the perfect time to reply with a handwritten letter, note or well-written email. Although handwritten notes are the "gold standard," many folks these days opt to take a shortcut by using technology that didn't exist before the quill and inkwell.

While texts may seem cold or terse, they are better than no acknowledgment at all.

DEAR ABBY: I have some advice for your readers who write regarding problems with how others behave badly or are verbally abusive or inappropriate toward them. Hopefully, it will help someone.

I suggest recording video of the offending individual while it's happening, and then showing them the video later when they are calm/sober/receptive. If the behavior is drug- or alcohol-driven, this can show the person they're not fun and funny; they are obnoxious and offensive. I'm certain I would have quit drinking years earlier had I been able to see how I acted while intoxicated.

This advice could also work with a relative you are concerned about with regard to dementia or Alzheimer's. You could show the video to their doctor, rather than make generalizations about their behavior. Telling your husband to talk to his mom about how critical or rude she is to you puts your husband on the spot, and it's still a "she said/she said" situation. Maybe your mother-in-law has no idea how she sounds. But she should. If a picture is worth a thousand words, a video is worth even more. -- "GOTCHA" IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR "GOTCHA": I'm printing your letter because I think in some cases it has merit. However, videoing someone who is in the middle of a rant (or some other socially unacceptable activity) could cause some individuals to become violent. ("Stop videotaping me!!!") That's why I have to add that if one chooses to do this, they should be aware of the risk.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 35-year-old woman who is married to a 27-year-old man. We currently live in the same house as his mother. She lives downstairs; we live upstairs. Thanks to my husband's upbringing, he has a hair-trigger temper. His dad has an explosive temper, and his mother is a narcissist. He's never directed it at me, but his mother sets him off.

Sometimes, I think she does it on purpose because she has some kind of victim complex. I have tried everything to help him control his temper; nothing has worked. It has become normal for me to end the day with them fighting. I am exhausted by them. If they're home before I go to work, they'll get into some sort of yelling match. When I'm finishing my workday, he'll call me and I'll hear them arguing on the phone.

I'm tired of the fighting. It's creating so much anxiety and depression. I have told him this and asked him to at least try to stop, but it's still the same. What do I do? -- SURROUNDED BY WAR IN TEXAS

DEAR SURROUNDED: You are more mature than your husband, both emotionally and chronologically. He is still under his mother's thumb, which is why she's so good at pushing his buttons. It is time for you both to move as far away from his mother's dwelling as possible. If you do, he will have less exposure to his mother, and you may have peace under your roof (once you unplug the phone).

DEAR ABBY: I have recently been diagnosed with a chronic illness. I am only 40, and I always took for granted that I had plenty of life left to live. I'm happily married, but I worry because my husband, "Al," has become my caretaker. I feel terrible about it.

My condition is very limiting. I'm in pain all the time and may have to stop working completely. I have developed depression and often cry at home. I feel so guilty, as if I have ruined his life. Al swears he just wants to be with me no matter what we have to go through. I'm just not sure I can handle holding him back from the rest of his life as well. I love him so much. What should I do? -- CHANGED IN TEXAS

DEAR CHANGED: Please allow me to offer my sympathy for your diagnosis. Having a painful, life-limiting health condition at such a young age would depress anyone. Please stop adding to it by burdening yourself with guilt for needing your husband's help. He loves you, and has assured you he "just wants to be with you no matter what."

It's important that you discuss your depression and guilt with your doctor. You may need counseling, medication and perhaps a support group to help you with the life adjustments that may lie ahead. Please gather your resolve to fight these negative emotions and reach out for the help you need. It is there, and once you do, you will realize you have a whole team ready to help you through this.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in a book club I started with friends 13 years ago. The 12 of us have grown close and value, appreciate and respect each other. I recently invited a childhood friend to join. She's an avid reader.

Abby, although she's a nice person, she simply does not fit in with the group. She talks too much, tends to brag a lot and makes insensitive comments. An example: Two of us are leaving on a cruise soon, and she shared how tacky and claustrophobic she thinks those trips are. The rest of the group were appalled, and I feel awful that I introduced her into my longtime book club.

On the other hand, I cannot fathom telling my childhood friend the group would prefer she not attend. I am sure it would be hurtful. A few of us are hoping you will have a solution. Please help. -- READING THE ROOM

DEAR READING: How about being completely honest? Tell your childhood friend that if she wants to remain a member of the book club, she will have to brag and talk less and refrain from making insensitive comments. If she asks what you mean by that, repeat the example you shared with me.

P.S. While I can understand why the two of you who are going on the cruise might have been shocked into silence, it would have been better if those two had spoken up and confronted your friend about why she would volunteer something so negative.