DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have two children and live close to my family. We spend lots of quality time with them, and they are invested in our children's lives, as we are in theirs. The same is not true of my in-laws. The first few years I would FaceTime and call, trying to build a relationship. Eventually, I realized I was the only one making an effort, so I stopped calling, which means there are no more calls.

The first cousin on my husband's side is due to give birth, and my husband wants to skip my nephew's first birthday party for her gender reveal party. My argument is, they have put no effort into our lives or our kids, so why would we miss an event for people who do. His argument is that they don't ask for much and we see them only twice a year, so we should just go. Help! -- EASY DECISION IN MINNESOTA

DEAR EASY DECISION: Not only do his relatives not ask for much, but they give absolutely nothing. Rather than argue about this, attend your nephew's first birthday party and tell your husband to go to the gender reveal. Problem solved.

DEAR ABBY: I am a young woman who was born with cerebral palsy. As such, I struggle to run or walk at the same pace as others do, and I have an uneven sense of balance when carrying things. For my entire childhood, my parents insisted those around me treat me as if nothing was wrong.

I hope to become more independent (driving, college and the like), and sometimes I worry the physical strain will be too much for me. How do I swallow my pride and ask for some guidance? Who should I talk to? -- NOT READY TO REACH OUT

DEAR NOT READY: Asking for guidance should not involve swallowing your pride. Everyone has limitations in one area or another. One excellent place to look for guidance would be the student health center at the college you would be attending; another would be the Cerebral Palsy Foundation (yourcpf.org). Having the good sense to ask for help isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign of strength and intelligence.

DEAR ABBY: My friend dresses like a slob. We were on a cruise and went to dine in one of the upscale restaurants on the ship. Because she was wearing jean shorts and an old, faded T-shirt, we were asked to leave. We will be going on another cruise soon, and I'm concerned she will do this again. Any advice for our next cruise so this won't happen? -- EMBARRASSED IN ALABAMA

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Before the next cruise, ask your friend what she plans to bring with her. Remind her that you had to leave the upscale restaurant because she wasn't properly dressed, and suggest she bring a dress or skirt and blouse on the next trip "so neither of you will be embarrassed or inconvenienced." Most cruise lines have a dress code that spells out what attire is required. If your friend checks the website of the carrier, she can easily determine what to bring.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married since 1968. The last time we were intimate was in 1984. The house is in both of our names. Nine years ago, she asked one of our sons to come live with us. She never asked me how I felt about it.

Our son continues to live here, and he pays no rent or anything else toward our living expenses. He literally lives the life of a teenage boy, although he's almost 48. I pay all the household bills. He has a job and makes more than I do (my pension).

I do not want a boarder in my home, but I can hardly evict him. Our other four children are all successful, own their own homes and live the lives of responsible adults. Do I need a lawyer, or perhaps a backbone? -- OVER IT IN OHIO

DEAR OVER IT: You may need both. Although it's late, consider also engaging the services of a licensed marriage and family therapist. I don't know what the laws about community assets in your state are, but a lawyer can enlighten you. Because your 48-year-old teenager has been living with you for so long, you may need one or both to pry him out of there.

DEAR ABBY: Forty years ago, my husband had an affair that left me emotionally damaged. I took him back when he asked, and we went on with our lives -- well, HE did. Even today, if I hear a song from that time or her name, I freak out. When I remember how he told me he loved her, something inside me dies.

I went to counseling, but all I got from it was a bill I couldn't afford. He treats me well and says "I love you" every day, yet the cut is still fresh and deep. Any suggestions? -- LIKE YESTERDAY IN FLORIDA

DEAR LIKE YESTERDAY: After 40 years of torturing yourself, the memory of your husband's transgression has become ingrained. By holding onto this, you are only hurting yourself. You took him back after the affair but have never truly forgiven him, which is why you cannot let it go. Consider consulting another licensed mental health professional to see if there is any way for you to obliterate the intrusive memory of his betrayal.

DEAR ABBY: A friend is throwing a joint birthday party for herself, her daughter, son-in-law and sister. Their birthdays all fall in the same month. I am close to all of them. This joint celebration has been a ritual for the past three years, and presents are expected.

I have come to feel that this is unfair. For a single-day, one buffet party, I must buy presents for four people. I'm considering buying one decent present and having it raffled off among the four. What do you think? By the way, this also happens a few months later for her husband and son. -- PARTY POOPER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PARTY POOPER: I think it's fair IF all six people reciprocate when your birthday rolls around. If they don't, then when your friend's (the hostess's) birthday arrives, skip the party, entertain her separately, for lunch perhaps, and give her her present then.

DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I married a year ago, I dropped my health insurance plan and joined his family plan, since he also provides coverage for his children, including one who is an adult. There was no additional cost to add me.

However, months later, the insurance company raised the monthly premium for all employees. When my husband talked to his adult child about helping to pay their share of the premium, they avoided an answer, and the issue was dropped. My husband recently raised the subject again, and was met with the same avoidance and excuses about not working enough hours at their job. They are not a full-time college student, either.

Shortly after the conversation ended, this adult child took to social media to rant about what a jerk their dad is for asking them to help pay, and then also posted several accusations that were untrue. This hurt my husband deeply, and his attempts to communicate are being ignored.

My husband was never heavy-handed about it. He was hoping that, as a young adult, they would understand why they were being asked to assist with their health care. Instead, it has turned into a childish, disrespectful attack. My husband now wants to remove this adult child from his insurance entirely, and I agree, even knowing the possible ramifications.

Does this make us bad people? Is it wrong to ask a young adult to help with the cost of their medical needs? -- HURTING FOR MY HUSBAND

DEAR HURTING: Your husband's child may be over 21, but they acted like a kid throwing a tantrum. Instead of appreciating what they have been given, they are demanding more. It would be a mistake to continue rewarding bad behavior. It wasn't wrong to ask a young adult to contribute to the cost of their health insurance. Under the circumstances, removing this "child" from the insurance policy does not make you "bad" people; it makes you intelligent people.

DEAR ABBY: Ever since we first began dating, I told my wife I never wanted to own a dog. She seemed to be OK with it, but over the last 10 years, she has put intense pressure on me to get one. She now says she "doesn't remember" our original conversation and says she never would have agreed to it.

She works, and I stay at home with the kids, so it would be my responsibility to take care of the pet, which I refuse to do. I feel physically sick around dogs, but because I don't actively sneeze around them, she thinks I'm making up my sensitivity.

She is now rallying the kids against me. We live a transient lifestyle that would force us to kennel the dog for one to three months a year, which would cost money we don't have. I'm tired of this conversation, and tired of feeling like I'm "ruining her life." What should I do? -- DOGLESS IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR DOGLESS: Since you are outvoted, ask your doctor to refer you to an allergist, a physician whose practice involves the diagnosis and treatment of allergies, because there are solutions to the problem.

Once that's dealt with, insist before adopting a dog that your children be responsible for feeding, walking and training the animal -- with penalties if they don't. The responsibility will teach them lessons that will prove valuable when they are older.

As to what to do with the new family member during the time you're traveling, either find pet-friendly places to stay or make it your wife's task to find a boarding situation for "her" dog that won't break the bank.