DEAR ABBY: Right after high school, our son joined the military and left home. We are proud of him and keep in touch mostly by phone because he's stationed across the country. Since he has been away, he met a young lady on a dating website. I met her briefly on a quick visit.

I had concerns about the relationship, and I shared them with my son. She doesn't drive, works only intermittently and displayed no desire to get to know me in the short time we had for my visit. Well, they ended up getting married behind our backs a few months ago.

What's done is done. The only thing I want now is to have some kind of basic relationship with her. I have reached out multiple times, but she won't budge. I love my son and, by extension, her. I don't think I should be punished for bringing up my concerns. She refuses to communicate with me at all. -- WANTING BASIC COMMUNICATION

DEAR WANTING: The only person who can fix this is the person who started it -- your son. You were within your rights as a mother to voice your concerns to him. He should not have run to his (then) girlfriend and blabbed. Although you say his wife refuses to communicate, I assume that he still does. Tell him that if he would like to have a relationship with his parents, and for them to function as grandparents, he needs to start smoothing this over with his bride. The ball is now in his court.

DEAR ABBY: I need advice about a friend who is constantly downcast and clinically depressed. I have tried praying for her, lifting her up and encouraging her, but to no avail. At this point, I feel like she is determined to stay this way.

Sometimes I have to distance myself for a while because seeing her is exhausting. I have known her for two years, and she's always like this. Who doesn't have problems?! This is life. Sometimes we're happy, sometimes we're not.

She takes it personally and starts to question our friendship if I don't call her, check on her or visit. It has become overwhelming for me. I honestly don't have the energy for her. I have my family to be concerned about.

I recently told her that sometimes she can be "a bit much," and not to take it personally if I'm not always available. I also said my focus has shifted because my kids have classes and I'm back at work. I really need some advice on what to do about her. -- STRAINED FRIENDSHIP IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR STRAINED: You stated that your friend is "clinically depressed." Has she been diagnosed by a medical professional? If the answer to that question is yes, you should be telling her she needs to consult her physician because, after two years, her depression has not improved.

If she hasn't been formally diagnosed, point her in that direction, which would enable her to gain access to medications and/or therapy that might help her. Do not allow her to guilt you into doing anything that's too much for you because, if you continue, your resentment will only increase.

DEAR ABBY: One of my family members is a loner. I'm the closest relative to them. They invite my children and me over for holiday dinners, but the house is dirty with roaches galore. The bugs even crawl on you during the day on the couch. I don't want to go there for this reason.

I'm also cautious about inviting them to visit here because I once asked them to housesit for me for four days, and I came home to roaches in my house. How do I break it to them gently that the sanitary conditions are troubling, and I don't want to be in their home nor have them in mine? -- BUGGED IN THE MID-ATLANTIC

DEAR BUGGED: You need to inform this relative that they have a serious insect problem. Roaches carry bacteria, funguses and molds, and also spread disease. Fortunately, with the help of a professional exterminator, an infestation can be handled -- but not unless the problem is recognized and addressed.

If your relative is unaware that they caused an infestation in your home when they were housesitting, they should be told. And while you're at it, recommend the name of the company you used to remedy the problem. You don't have to say you don't want to visit them or have them over, all you need to do is refuse their invitations and refrain from extending one.

DEAR ABBY: I just turned 22 and I have no idea what I'm doing! I want to go back to school, but school was so hard for me growing up, and I really don't want to go through it all again. The only reason I didn't quit was because of my mom, but, like I said, I'm 22 now, and I can't depend on her forever. I feel like I should have accomplished a lot more by the time I got to this age, but I haven't. What should I do to get my life on the track I want? -- NO CLUE IN THE WEST

DEAR NO CLUE: You are no longer the unwilling student you were when you were younger. Now you are an adult, and you may find you are more motivated to acquire the knowledge you need to succeed and are better able to concentrate.

A way to find what you may be best suited for would be to contact the career counseling department of your local college or university and inquire about taking aptitude tests. It isn't free, but it's worthwhile because it may point you in a direction you hadn't considered before. There is also the option of a vocational school, because, as you already know, people develop at their own pace.

DEAR ABBY: My bride of two months, whom I love dearly, is very negative every time we try to make a plan. Whether it be traveling or house projects, she puts roadblocks in the way. Nothing gets accomplished, so I let her take the lead, and then nothing happens. She reads her book and does nothing. If I start a project after waiting to see if she's going to do something, she wants to throw a monkey wrench in my project. What do I do? -- STUCK IN PLACE IN FLORIDA

DEAR STUCK: If you don't want this to be your future, what you "do" is confront your bride before this destroys your marriage. The behavior you describe seems like passive-aggressiveness on her part -- and it isn't healthy. Marriage and family therapy to help improve your level of communication would be money well spent.

DEAR ABBY: I have failed in a 30-year relationship and as a father of five. After feeling terrible for a number of years, I was finally diagnosed with a blood disorder. I was prescribed a chemotherapy pill and, two years later, was diagnosed with extreme neuropathy. Depression set in. I let myself go and rarely got out of bed. My wife complained because she wanted me to be more involved with the children, but I failed.

We are now going through a divorce. I have been cut off from my 13-year-old son, and I don't know how to reconnect. He's the youngest of my kids, and he's very special to me because he is adopted, as was I. I need help. I'm not good at asserting myself. Please help me because my heart is broken. -- NEEDS HELP IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR NEEDS HELP: The individuals who can provide the help you are looking for would be your divorce lawyer and a licensed mental health professional. The former will see to it that your legal rights as a parent are enforced; the latter can help you become more assertive as well as, hopefully, reconnect with your youngest child. Your heart may be broken, but it will heal more quickly if you start now.

DEAR ABBY: Out of nowhere, my husband announced he thinks we should unfriend each other on Facebook. I got upset and told him it would make me feel insecure about us, because I think there is no reason for it. I find it very suspicious, and if there is a reason, I think we should split up. He unfriended me anyway. He called me closed-minded and said I value Facebook over our marriage. Is he right? -- SOCIAL MEDIA-MINDED IN GEORGIA

DEAR S.M.M.: No, he's not right. Your husband's announcement was a red flag. When a spouse does what your husband has done, it's usually because he doesn't want his partner to see what he is posting and doesn't want to be monitored.

You need to discuss this further so he can explain his reasons. If the discussion is not productive, offer your husband the option of counseling with a licensed marriage and family therapist. If he refuses, consult an attorney so your interests will be protected.

DEAR ABBY: Our church has a potluck every Saturday. How do we deal with the freeloaders -- an adult family of three -- who never bring anything? They jump up to be first in line, don't help clean up and never fail to take leftovers home with them. They act like they deserve free meals. We are a small church and could use an extra dish, help in cleaning up, etc. Thank you for your advice. -- OUTRAGED IN OREGON

DEAR OUTRAGED: "Someone" -- preferably, but not necessarily, the religious leader of your church -- should take the family aside privately and explain the "rules" to them. It may not happen until the rest of you complain about what's going on. If that family cannot afford to bring a dish, the least they could do is assist with cleaning up.