DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I went to his co-worker "Tina's" house on a Friday night to socialize and play trivia games. We had been at her place before, for a Christmas party. Tina wore a short skirt, and when she sat down you could see all the way up to her black lace panties. During our "heads-up" game she sat right across from my fiance. While people were laughing and having fun drinking and playing games, all I could notice were her panties and Tina's loud laughs. She was drinking, and my fiance asked her, "Baby, are you feeling OK?" He said it loudly. Everyone heard it, and I felt myself getting really angry and red in the face. Why was he calling her Baby? We call each other that!

I don't want to return to Tina's house. My fiance says I overreacted. He doesn't tell me about his goings-on at work or about friend hangouts. We usually go out together alone. When I think back on that night, I still feel upset about it. Are my feelings valid? Do you think we need couples therapy before we get married? -- UNEASY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNEASY: Allow me to save you some money. Rather than tell your fiance you think you need couples counseling because his co-worker drinks too much, say instead you were not impressed by the performance Tina put on that evening, and you prefer the two of you skip game nights at her place and socialize with people with whom you have more in common.

DEAR ABBY: My mother is still married to the man who molested my siblings and me. How do I forgive her and move past it? We had a close mother-daughter relationship until two years ago, when I asked her why she was still married to the man her children told her repeatedly had molested them. She didn't answer. She chose him, walked out and we haven't spoken since. It's hard for me to deal with. I don't understand, and I don't know how to get past it. Not having your mother because she passes away is hard, but the feeling of not having her while she's alive is a whole different kind of pain. -- FULL OF PAIN IN TEXAS

DEAR FULL OF PAIN: In my opinion, not all sins are forgivable. Chief among them is turning a blind eye to children who are being sexually abused. Your mother made her choice years ago, and I can only imagine how hurtful it has been for you. An organization called R.A.I.N.N. (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) may be helpful because it can connect you with experienced therapists. (The website is rainn.org.)

The man to whom your mother has given her allegiance is a danger to the community. If he would abuse you and your siblings, he would have no compunction about doing it to other children given the opportunity. You (and your siblings) should notify the police about what happened to you because it could happen over and over again.

DEAR ABBY: Would it be wrong to reach out to my biological mother for financial help? I was adopted when I was just 2 months old. I was lucky to have wonderful parents, but they are in poor health, and it's affecting both of them physically. I'm going into debt helping them out financially. They are on a fixed income that barely covers their expenses. Would it be wrong of me to ask my birth mother for that help? We see each other occasionally. My birth mother sold her house and isn't hurting financially. I don't want to sound entitled. I just need some help, and I'm prepared for a no. -- ENTITLED TO ANYTHING?

DEAR ENTITLED: It isn't your birth mother's responsibility to support the couple who adopted you, particularly since the request for money would be ongoing. You stated that you see her only occasionally. (If you do what you are considering, you may be seeing her less often.) If your parents still have relatives, you might have some success if you approach them for the financial help you are seeking. If not, reach out to your local Area Agency on Aging for guidance.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Dan," and I separated for four months. We have now reunited. However, his son "Ryan" told me he never wants to see me again. I wrote him a letter, expressed my remorse and invited him to visit, but have received no response. Ryan shuns me now. My husband is going to invite him to visit, but I don't know how I will deal with it. I do not want to be his hostess. What should I do? -- BACK TOGETHER IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR BACK: IF Dan invites Ryan to visit, and IF Ryan agrees, put on a smile and become the most gracious hostess since Perle Mesta. (If you don't know who she was, look her up.) Your husband may be able to mediate a resumption of harmonious family relations. If his son regarded your leaving as a personal rejection, Dan may be able to disabuse him of that idea and patch things up.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently discharged from the hospital. Family members have told my husband to call if there's anything they can do to help. That makes one more thing for my husband to do -- make a phone call. I'd like to suggest a better way to help. Family members, please call and tell my husband what specifically you would like to do to help. Some examples: Bring a meal. Do an errand. Sit with me while my husband goes out to do errands, etc. I think the best thing anyone can do is bring a meal. It's one less thing for the caretaker to have to do. The food doesn't have to be homemade; it can be bought. Patient and caregiver still have to eat. Thank you, Abby, for letting me make this point. -- HAPPY TO BE HOME

DEAR HAPPY: Your point is well taken. You are right. It never hurts to volunteer what you could do to help someone recovering from a medical procedure. Some suggestions: Do some marketing or laundry or pick up their child from school and take them to the park to burn off some energy.

DEAR ABBY: I have lived in my apartment for nine years. When I moved in, I met a woman who moved in about the same time. We became friendly, and I enjoyed talking to her at the pool and mailbox -- until I got to know her better. She has alienated all the other neighbors and kids in the complex with her attitude. She butts into conversations and asks personal questions, despite claiming to "mind her business and keep to herself." Abby, I was raised to be forgiving and understanding. I have reached out to her and taken her to the store and medical appointments, but then she freaks out, swears and demands that I speed up, take her to thrift stores, etc. She asks why I don't take the freeway instead of surface streets with traffic lights.

I finally quit taking her places, but now she has started walking into my apartment, sitting down and asking me questions. She also gets mad when she sees I went to the store without her. How do I politely, but firmly, tell her to leave me alone and I no longer want to have anything to do with her? She makes me anxious and drives me crazy. I understand she's lonely, but she's a miserable person to be around. -- DOORMAT GUY OUT WEST

DEAR DOORMAT GUY: If you know someone will walk into your apartment uninvited, for heaven's sake, lock your door! If this neighbor rings the bell or knocks, tell her you are busy and cannot entertain her and shut the door. If she corners you and rants about you having gone to the store without her, tell her in plain English why you stopped doing it. That said, I think it would be more hurtful than helpful to point out the other reasons she has made herself a social pariah.

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married for 30 years. Since my wife recently retired, her crossword hobby has become an obsession. She does them all day, whether we are watching TV, talking or eating meals. When we go out, she carries crossword puzzles to do or does them on her phone. When our kids visit, she ignores them and does crossword puzzles. During the last holiday celebrations, she sat staring at her phone crosswords instead of participating in family interactions. If she were my child, I would take away her phone. But she's an adult and my wife, so I can't do that. Before she retired, she did crossword puzzles two or three times a week, and we had fun doing them together. Now I am completely ignored. I have talked to her about my feelings. It didn't help, so I'm hoping to get some good advice from you. -- PUZZLED HUSBAND

DEAR PUZZLED: Talk to your wife again. Tell her you no longer are willing to be ignored while she indulges in her obsession with crossword puzzles. What she's doing is unfair to you and the family. Suggest the two of you consult a licensed marriage and family therapist. If she refuses, schedule some sessions for yourself. From what you have described, your marriage is in trouble, and your wife is using her crossword puzzles to escape from the real world.