DEAR ABBY: My sister likes a childhood friend of ours and is hiding the fact that they are together, even though everyone in the family already knows they are living together. She clearly doesn't want me to know, and always finds a way to not be truthful with me.

This guy and I were friends, but whatever my sister said to him made him cut our friendship off. I'm hurt that she needs to lie to me about their relationship, because it doesn't matter to me. I'm happy she has found someone who makes her happy. She even has our mom covering for her. Should I say something, or just let it be? -- HURTFUL AND SAD SISTER

DEAR HURTFUL: Did you and your sister's boyfriend ever have a romantic relationship? If the answer is yes, it may explain your sister's strange behavior and your mother's willingness to cover for her. Because the cat is out of the bag and "everyone" knows the truth, I see no reason why you shouldn't talk to your sister and clear the air. When you do, wish them well.

DEAR ABBY: My stepson, who is 24, has Asperger's syndrome. He is high functioning, very intelligent and has a great work ethic. He still lives at home, and I have noticed that he "must" touch his mother every day. There are times he stands behind her and strokes her hair and rubs her neck and shoulders. I think it's odd and, to be honest, it kind of bothers me. It's not a jealousy thing, it just strikes me as creepy.

I don't think a 24-year-old should be caressing his mother that way. She doesn't think it's wrong, and when I mentioned it to her, she became offended. I know I may be wrong, and I try to understand that it may be part of his Asperger's. Am I off base? Help me understand. -- CREEPED OUT IN INDIANA

DEAR CREEPED OUT: What you are describing isn't scandalous. It could simply be gestures of affection. Because your wife isn't bothered by it, I suggest you calm down and stop reading more into it than there may be.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to a wonderful, generous man for 33 years. Everything is great except for one thing. I have COPD. He's sympathetic, but it goes only so far. An example: Today I was having a terrible coughing spell. I was in the bedroom. He was in the den, one room away. The spell lasted at least 30 minutes. Not once did he come in to check on me, ask if I needed anything, etc. It was as if we weren't in the same house. After about half an hour, he did come in and said: "What do you wanna do this afternoon?" It really irked me. Am I making too much of this? -- IRKED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR IRKED: Your husband may be "wonderful," but he also appears to be a tad insensitive. He may have thought that as long as you were coughing, you were still breathing and didn't need his help. Because his failure to grasp the seriousness of your predicament irked you, take the precaution of telling him -- before your next coughing fit -- how you would like him to respond, and why.

DEAR ABBY: I've been married for 34 years. During most of them, I was unfaithful. I never felt like I was truly married because my husband never gave me the time of day, but I liked my marital status because, I guess, we were companions. As soon as my kids married and the nest was empty, I left. I didn't feel I needed to stay and be unhappy, so I moved out. Why I didn't divorce him during those eight years is beyond me.

We are now back together, and I don't know why. We're not physically attracted to each other, and he is manipulative, selfish and sarcastic. Why, Abby, am I afraid to move on from this? I hate it when we're alone at home. I'd rather spend the day with my grandchildren. I didn't miss him at all when I was away, but he called me often and I felt obligated and guilty. What should I do? -- SEARCHING FOR HAPPY IN ARIZONA

DEAR SEARCHING: If you really want to find "happy," the place to start would be in the office of a licensed psychotherapist. Once you figure out why you were willing to settle for marriage to a manipulative, selfish, sarcastic man to whom you are not attracted, you will figure out what your next move should be. From where I sit, it should be in the direction of the office of a lawyer who can help you untangle yourself from your unhealthy marriage once and for all.

DEAR ABBY: I work for a department within law enforcement that has been on a hiring spree for the past few months due to retirements. One of our new hires is an obnoxious know-it-all. When we are talking policy, she constantly corrects us, usually incorrectly. When we try to explain to her about her being wrong, she twists whatever we're talking about to make her sound right, or says we're being rude.

It's not just policy stuff. Everyday conversation can be frustrating. I made a comment about a geographical location, and she proceeded to argue about it. She then Googled it and realized I was, in fact, correct. I don't want to argue with someone daily who thinks she's always right. I've tried to let it go or say, "Yes, OK, you're right," but it is hard sometimes. My boss is no help. He doesn't deal with her daily, so he doesn't see it and says we all "just need to get along." How do I professionally approach this situation? -- OVER HER IN OREGON

DEAR OVER HER: If this new hire's personality problem continues, it could poison the entire department. Ask your co-workers if they have experienced what you have with the woman and, if they have, how they feel about it. If they agree that her need to be right even when she's wrong presents a problem, approach your boss as a group to discuss it. That way, it will be chalked up as a personnel problem rather than a personal one.

TO THOSE WHO CELEBRATE ROSH HASHANA: At sundown tonight, the Jewish New Year begins. During this time of solemn introspection, I wish my Jewish readers, "L'shana tova tikatevu" -- may you be inscribed in the Book of Life and have a good year. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I'm a recovering alcoholic who has been sober for more than 12 years. My road to sobriety has been long and dark, but I am proud of turning my life around and staying sober. My problem is how my mother treats me about it. She keeps reminding me of all the mistakes I made and the people I hurt when I was still drinking.

I also struggle with manic depression and have a hard enough time forgiving myself for my past actions, let alone having someone continually bring up every single one. I try every day to be a better person, and I'm an open book when it comes to my life and flaws.

My mother constantly accuses me of falling into my old habits and says I'm lying about it, even though she's been given truth and proof that I'm not. My long-term boyfriend and other family members can vouch for me. It's to the point where she's so in my head and cruel with the things she says that I'm spiraling back into depression, which is taking a toll on my confidence and mental health.

I have tried cutting her out of my life, but I live with a family member she's close to, so she shows up at our house and continues her belittling. I'm starting to lose patience and also my sanity. What do you do? Please help! -- STILL STAYING SOBER

DEAR SOBER: Understand that your toxic mother may have some kind of fixation on torturing you. When she shows up, absent yourself immediately. From your experience, you know she's the kind of person who drives others to drink, so involve yourself with her as little as humanly possible. Your sobriety and sanity depend on it.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are going back and forth about setting a date for our wedding. We have begun arguing lately about normal relationship issues. He calls them fights, when all I'm trying to do is express my feelings so we get on the same page. Then, instead of talking, he shuts down and clams up. It makes me crazy.

Now he's saying he won't set a date until our relationship is "healthy." He says we fight too much; I think it's a lack of communication. Now I say nothing because I'm afraid he won't want to set a date at all. I don't know what to do. Setting a date is important to me, but I'm starting to wonder if it's even worth it. Please help. -- DESTINATION UNKNOWN IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR D.U.: Tell your fiance you think he was absolutely right when he told you he didn't want to set a wedding date until your relationship is "healthy." (I agree, by the way.) Tell him you love him and how important you feel communication is in any relationship. Then suggest the two of you seek premarital counseling.

Premarital counseling allows couples to preempt issues that could cause problems in a marriage, from child rearing to money to sex. If your fiance's method of handling disagreements is to shut down, there may be a way to correct it during some of those sessions.