DEAR ABBY: Two years before he met me, my husband of four years did something I feel was morally repugnant: He solicited a prostitute. When he committed this act, he was going through a dark period in his life. He was divorcing a woman who had cheated and left him for another man, raising his young son and dealing with immense feelings of insecurity.

He told me all of this while we were dating, and I thought I would eventually get over it. However, almost five years into our relationship, it still haunts me and makes me question his character. I hate that he was capable of doing something like this, regardless of what he was going through.

I have tried therapy, and we've tried couples therapy -- nothing has helped me to move on. He says this is not the type of person he is now, but I just can't seem to separate the man who did that awful thing and the man I fell in love with. Are some actions so awful that they stain a person for the rest of their lives? Are we doomed? -- WRESTLING WITH IT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WRESTLING: Your husband was honest with you from the beginning of your relationship and has been, I presume, a faithful partner. As you stated, he was under a lot of pressure when that happened. I can't name one person who hasn't made a mistake sometime in the past, including me. Use some common sense and quit judging your poor husband for his one "slip," or please free him to find a woman who will appreciate him for who he is.

DEAR ABBY: My spouse and I are retired. I thought we would spend our retirement doing things together, but all she wants to do is sleep. It is not unusual for her to stay in bed for two days straight, getting up only to use the bathroom and get a drink. She does not help with the housekeeping or other household chores.

I've asked her why she sleeps so much. She tells me she doesn't know why. I have gone with her to her doctors, and they have run tests. Physically there's nothing wrong to account for all her sleeping. This leads me to believe she's taking prescription medication to be able to sleep as long as she does. When I asked her if this was the case, she denied it.

My wife was sexually abused as a child and is currently being treated for depression. Her doctor and I have wanted her to see a psychiatrist, but she absolutely refuses. I've talked to her on several occasions and let her know I'm unhappy with how this is affecting our marriage. She seems not to care.

I'm thinking of getting a separation. Do you think this is advisable? Or do you have any other ideas? I love her dearly and being apart is not what I desire. She deserves all my efforts to help her before I just no longer care and give up. -- FRUSTRATED IN INDIANA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Losing interest in things someone used to enjoy and sleeping for "two days straight" are classic symptoms of severe, chronic depression. It may have been triggered by her retirement.

Your wife definitely should be talking to someone. If it's not a psychiatrist, then certainly a psychologist who works with a psychiatrist who will prescribe medications if they are needed. You and her doctor should insist upon it, because your wife appears to be very ill.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Frank" for 2 1/2 years. We met and married quickly. Best decision ever. We each had raised two daughters as single parents with different parenting styles. Our girls now range in age from 30 to 33. They are adults with lives and children of their own.

My daughters have accepted and come to love Frank. They have always been respectful and inclusive. In the beginning, his daughters treated me OK. But after six months, the older one decided I could not be around her children because I "don't like her." I always treated her respectfully and did many things for her and her kids -- babysitting, buying them things they needed, twice offering a place to stay when she was going through a divorce.

She was always the boss of her father, and he puts her first over all else. There were things they would do secretly and exclude me. Now he doesn't see them at all. They don't talk; they explode. I'm certain at some point I will be blamed for "keeping him away." I no longer want anything to do with her, but I encourage Frank to see his grandchildren. I'm an emotional mess over this. What do I do? -- BLENDING BADLY IN NEVADA

DEAR BLENDING BADLY: Because your husband's family dysfunction is affecting your emotional well-being, consult a licensed mental health professional to help rid yourself of this undeserved burden. Because someone chooses to blame you for something you haven't done doesn't mean you must accept it. If you still have a relationship with your husband's other daughter, concentrate on her and you will all be happier.

DEAR ABBY: I have a longtime friend who is the queen of the hypochondriacs. She is always sick or complaining that something is wrong with her, but she does nothing to improve her health. She has gone to holistic doctors for years, to no avail.

I suggested it's time for her to consult regular doctors, since holistic ones weren't helping and because she doesn't follow their advice anyway. She has made appointments with regular doctors but has too much anxiety to go.

She has been excluded from activities with friends because she's always sick, but doesn't understand why she has only one friend. She also talks incessantly about her abusive, narcissistic mother, but doesn't realize she is a bit narcissistic herself. Should I tell her what I think about her or just keep it to myself? -- PEEVED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PEEVED: If she is hesitant to see a doctor who might actually get to the cause of her problems, it's probably because she's afraid of what she might hear. Of course, people who procrastinate for years are more likely to get bad news than those who are determined to nip any problem in the bud.

If you can suppress your annoyance, instead of calling her something unpleasant, it would be more helpful to point out that hiding one's head in the sand is not an answer, and volunteer to go with her to her appointment. That's what a true friend does.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is tired of paying to keep my eggs frozen. He has seven children of his own. I know utility costs are through the roof these days, but I can't disagree with him more.

He meets up with his friends at the breakfast joint every weekend, and they drop a lot of money there. If he just reallocated his spending money, we could afford to continue freezing my eggs. I keep telling him, "You're spending money on the wrong eggs!" I'd like to have a baby within the next year. What should I do? -- FREEZING IN FARGO

DEAR FREEZING: If your husband doesn't already know how important having your own child is to you, now is the time to impress it upon him. I am sorry you didn't mention how long he has been paying for freezing your eggs, but if you hope to conceive next year, he can afford to continue paying a few months longer. Would his preference be that you remain childless? If that's the case and you have been misled, you might want to consult a family law attorney.

DEAR ABBY: I was invited to the wedding of my friend's daughter, "Alexa." Alexa and her fiance's registry requested only money to go toward a honeymoon. About a week before the wedding, I sent a monetary gift via their online wedding registry.

The next day, I heard the wedding had been postponed indefinitely, although they are still together. I feel the right thing for them to do is to return my money, but it appears they don't intend to do so. Should I ask for my gift to be returned? What is the protocol? -- TRICKED IN TENNESSEE

DEAR TRICKED: In light of the fact that the wedding (and honeymoon to which you contributed) have been canceled, you have every right to ask for your gift to be returned. Suggest it first to Alexa, and if the money isn't forthcoming, tell your friend. What her daughter did could be considered fraud.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend of 17 years is constantly coming at me looking for an argument lately. I can't figure it out for the life of me. We have built a nice life. We have a child together, a house and two dogs. She has recently been saying something about perimenopause, which I know nothing about. I love what we have and I don't want to lose it, but I have no clue how to fix it. Please advise me so I don't lose my family. -- FEARFUL IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR FEARFUL: Go online and search "perimenopause." This is a time in women's lives when our hormone levels are changing, which can affect sleep, mood and body temperature, among other things.

This is something every woman experiences sooner or later, and it's important you understand it. Volumes have been written on the subject, which will help you gain empathy and insight. Because this is causing challenges in your relationship, don't procrastinate. Start now.