DEAR ABBY: How do I deal with guests and friends who make unfortunate comments about personal belongings in my home? For example, I have a favorite print of a woman seated at a table. A friend commented, “Oh, we used to call her Mrs. Potato Head.” About my beautiful handwoven table runner depicting sliced fruit, a guest said, “Oh, those look like women’s private parts!” I also display a beautiful statue of the three Graces, which I inherited from my beloved mother. Another friend piped up, “Oh, the three lesbians!” They have stolen the joy I had about the pieces. I can no longer look at these treasures without being reminded of those stupid, thoughtless remarks, and so I had to get rid of them. What do I do if this happens again, or how do I prevent it? -- PROUD OF POSSESSIONS IN MAINE

DEAR PROUD: No one should feel forced to get rid of objects they love because someone makes a thoughtless remark. If you get rid of anything, consider divesting yourself of the individuals who made those comments (probably in a failed attempt to be witty). If you do, you will have fewer acquaintances you need to muzzle.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been raising our 5-year-old grandson, “Kent,” since he was a baby. His mom, my daughter, was in his life but decided to leave him with us for six months, after which we hired a lawyer to gain custody of him. His mom has been absent from his life for two years. There’s no relationship between them at all. Kent now calls me “Mom,” and I don’t know if it is a good idea that he calls me that. He has a mother but doesn’t remember her at all. He has no idea that I'm not his birth mom. What should I do? -- ONLY MOM HE KNOWS

DEAR ONLY MOM: Of course Kent calls you “Mom.” It is the role you have fulfilled since he was an infant. Do you have photos of your daughter around the house, or family albums? If you don’t, consider displaying one or going through the family album with your grandson and explaining who is who in the pictures. If he starts asking questions as he gets older, explain in an age-appropriate manner that your daughter felt he would be better off under your care. Then introduce more information as needed, which would be better than hitting him with the whole story all at once.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorcee with two kids in college. I work as an aide. My boyfriend, a mechanic, has an auto shop. He charges me every time I take in my car (which is 14 years old) to be fixed or have an oil change. Friends at work are telling me he shouldn’t charge me. I am confused. What do you think? -- HAS TO PAY IN NEW YORK

DEAR HAS TO PAY: I’m glad you asked. When you take your car in for an oil change or repairs, you should reimburse your boyfriend for the oil and the parts. Because of your close personal relationship, a loving boyfriend might choose to give you a break on the labor, but that's up to him -- and it's up to you whether he remains your boyfriend!

DEAR ABBY: My brother is 53. He has one child, my 12-year-old nephew, "Conner." Our father was difficult, and neither of us has many happy memories of times we shared with him. Perhaps in response to this, my brother seems incapable of socializing without his son. Many times, he suggests outings to my husband or his friends and then throws in that he's planning on bringing Conner. We do not want the boy included in what should be adult outings, but we can't find a way of saying it. If I'm planning a dinner out or something else where I think he might invite his son, I preface it with a grownups-only clause. I can't discuss it with my sister-in-law because even though I know she would understand, she wouldn't be tactful in mentioning it to my brother. My husband is not the type to say anything; it would mean more coming from him, but he doesn't want to cause upset. By the way, my brother is very outgoing and socially adept, so it's not like he needs this 12-year-old crutch. Any suggestions would be most appreciated. -- FRUSTRATED IN NEVADA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your brother may not need a social crutch, but from what you have described, the same may not be true of your nephew. Most 12-year-old boys have friends they can socialize with other than Dad. Is that true of Conner, or would he be sitting alone in his room if his father didn't insert him into so many adult gatherings? Rather than tell your brother or his wife that the boy is unwelcome, it might be more helpful to ask whether Conner has difficulty socializing with his peers. If that's the case, he may need professional help.

DEAR ABBY: I have a sister-in-law who constantly one-ups me. Anything I mention, she has to chime in and let everyone present know how much better her trip was, or that she got a better shopping deal, etc.

It has now turned to my grandchildren. For example, at a family dinner, if I correct their table manners, she comes back with a smart comment like, "You can leave your elbows on the table" or "It's OK to eat that with your fingers." She's trying to be the "fun aunt." Recently I barked right back, asking her not to undermine my comments about my grandkids' behavior. She did not reply. I do not want to harm our otherwise decent relationship. She has no grandkids of her own yet and occasionally babysits my grandkids. Is there something better I can do? -- HAD IT UP TO HERE IN IOWA

DEAR HAD IT: Talk to your sister-in-law and lay down some ground rules. Tell her that as much as you care about her, there are certain parameters it is important that she understand in her interactions with the grandkids. Explain what they are. If "Fun Auntie" cannot respect the boundaries, she should see them less often. Not enough young people these days are fortunate enough to have parents (and grandparents) who teach them appropriate manners. Kudos to you.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I are in our late 20s and have been together six years. He's a great boyfriend, and I'm happy in every way except one. Since we moved in together a year and a half ago, our sex life has dwindled down to practically zero. Sometimes we go months without it. We are busy with work and school, but I'm not sure if that's just an excuse. I know it's partly my fault because I should also take the initiative and not be lazy. I'm wondering if we're just not right for each other. Aren't the 20s supposed to be a time of sexual fun and frequency? Or does it even matter? Maybe we're just different from the norm? -- CONFOUNDED IN CANADA

DEAR CONFOUNDED: If you haven't been talking with your boyfriend about this, you should be. At your age, it is unusual for partners to go for months at a time without having sex. Perhaps before you moved in together, sex was sexier because you weren't together as often. But the bottom line is, if you're not happy with the relationship as it is, it needs to be brought out into the open so it can be dealt with as a couple.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 20-year-old female in a situationship with a 46-year-old married man. He tells me he's going to leave his wife when his daughter graduates, which is in two months. He wants to move me to his state, but my family isn't supportive, so I would like an outside opinion. -- CONTEMPLATING IN FLORIDA

DEAR CONTEMPLATING: How long have you and this 46-year-old man been romantically involved? I have concerns on several levels about what you are contemplating. First is the age difference and the balance of power in your relationship. Next is the fact that he hasn't yet left his family or even filed for divorce. Many men promise to leave their wives but never do. Divorces can drag out for years if they are contested, and his marriage has been a long one.

Slow this relationship down. I urge you not to move until he's free to marry, you have a job and are able to support yourself and any children that could result from this union. Let your family get to know him. They have your best interests at heart, so resist the urge to tune them out in the name of love.

DEAR ABBY: Twice while visiting, my son and daughter-in-law have had arguments in front of me and their young children. The last one got so heated my DIL even left the room and went outside. It upset me and their oldest child greatly. My son's father and I argued often, and we divorced long ago. They seem to think it's OK to do this. What can I do? -- STANDING BY IN TEXAS

DEAR STANDING BY: I hope you realize that what your son is doing is modeling the behavior he grew up with. Talk to your son. Explain how this is affecting his children. Then suggest he and his wife seek marriage counseling so his marriage won't end in divorce court, as yours did.