DEAR ABBY: My teenage son has a difficult relationship with his dad. They talk roughly once a week, but his dad hasn't exercised visitation rights in nearly four years. He's retired, very well off and has the time and resources to utilize spending time with our son; he simply chooses not to.

My son has some very understandable negative feelings about this. He's in counseling and is now recognizing he has the power and responsibility to set boundaries for his own well-being. However, he struggles with deep insecurities. Despite having other male role models (grandpa, coaches, neighbors) who model positive behavior, share time, give advice and support him, he struggles to trust that he is deserving of it.

I regularly point out the wonderful male influences in his life and provide resources for him to spend enjoying activities with them. This helps, but it doesn't seem to overcome my son's deep sense of rejection and insecurities in peer-to-peer male relationships.

Boundaries are necessary in life. Embracing the good in our lives is equally, if not more, important. How can I help my son recognize that both good and bad are included in "when people show you who they are, believe them"? -- AWARE MOM IN COLORADO

DEAR MOM: Continue to reinforce how proud of your son you are and how much you love him. Explain to him as often as necessary that the treatment he is receiving from his father has nothing to do with him, and everything to do with what is lacking in his father.

Under the circumstances, your son's reaction to the treatment he has been given is understandable. But the person who may be in a better position to get through to him is his therapist.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend of 35 years and I had a falling out about a year ago. I would call it an unfortunate misunderstanding, and as a result, we are no longer friends. Having said that, I wish nothing but the best for her.

Many years ago, when I was sick with cancer, she gifted me a painting she created. She's a talented artist, and I know she spent many hours working on it. I recently moved and I can't bring myself to display the artwork because it is now a painful reminder that our friendship is over.

I have thought about returning it to her with a brief note, but I don't know if that would be in bad taste. I certainly don't want to create any hurt feelings. However, I'm wondering if she might want her painting back because she put so much effort into it. Your opinion, please? -- REMINDED IN IOWA

DEAR REMINDED: Write your former friend an email explaining that you have moved (if she doesn't already know) and will no longer be able to display her painting. Ask if she would like to have it back in light of the fact that she devoted so much time to creating it. If she wants it, send it to her. If she doesn't, sell it, donate it or stick it in a closet.

DEAR ABBY: I play pickleball with a nice group of people. Partners normally split after each game. One day, however, a woman told me I was her favorite partner. From that day on, she played with me as often as possible, even though she could have chosen partners who were better players than me, and won more games.

Abby, she is the most attractive woman I have ever met, and not just physically -- she's smart, friendly, athletic, caring, supportive and really fun to play with. I'm not used to having women like her pay attention to me, and it feels great. She's married, but I can't help having a crush on her, a feeling I'm pretty sure is not mutual -- and therefore not appropriate -- yet I think about her all the time.

How can I get over this feeling? Should I tell her I have a crush on her, which would probably drive her away? Should I quit being her partner? Or should I just keep everything the same and hope the attraction gradually fades? I love playing with her, and I don't want to stop. -- BIG CRUSH IN NEW YORK

DEAR CRUSH: What if you tell this woman you have a crush on her and she responds by telling you she also has a crush on you? Where would that lead? She's married. Clearly, there is a mutual attraction, and it isn't based on how well you play the game of pickleball. Maybe you are easy to be around, or she likes your sense of humor.

Your crush may or may not fade with time. Because you enjoy the contact you have with her, continue being her partner unless it progresses to something that makes either of you uncomfortable. (Or too comfortable.)

DEAR ABBY: I've been in a relationship for nearly 20 years. We are not married. For three-fourths of this relationship, I have been the one who pays for everything (with my disability check). He refuses to look for a job. When I told him a few years back that I wasn't happy, his only reaction before leaving the room was to ask, "Do you love me?"

Every time I mention the bills or his getting a job I'm met with excuses. We had talked about moving, because I had received an inheritance. Now it's as if his ideas for a home are more important than mine, plus I'm still expected to pay for it all.

I want out, but he has a lot of stuff -- and I mean a lot -- and nowhere to go. I feel guilty. I know I have let it happen and have tolerated it, but if I say anything, he acts like a 5-year-old having a tantrum. He's very negative and mocks anything I try to do to improve myself. Please tell me what to do. -- LOOKING FOR A WAY OUT

DEAR LOOKING: When your freeloader asked "Do you love me?", you should have responded with, "Do you love me? Because if you do you would find a job and help with the finances." Sponging off a lonely woman isn't love. It's extortion. If you really want to improve yourself, give him a date to get himself and his stuff out of there and stick to it.

Warning: You may need to consult an attorney so you know your options because his tantrums, rather than being a sign of love, appear to be an attempt to bully you into letting him continue to take advantage.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and son-in-law are expecting their second child. Everyone is very happy for them. The problem is the difference between her in-laws' beliefs and mine. I was brought up in a family in which parties and celebrations were held at home. We opened our house to friends and relatives, everyone brought food and we celebrated the occasion.

The in-laws are substantially more well-to-do than we are. They celebrate every occasion at a restaurant, club or venue, with many people attending. My daughter has been a part of this family for years and enjoys the big celebrations.

The problem is, I am being asked to contribute half the cost of her upcoming baby shower. For the venue, bartender, fees, linens, table decorations, etc., my share comes to more than $900. Abby, I'm not in a position to do this, nor do I want to. My daughter is angry with me because I refused, although I did promise to buy anything she doesn't receive at the shower.

Am I wrong for refusing to take part in this? Or must I suck it up and come up with the $900 to keep the peace? -- SAD MOM IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR SAD MOM: Your daughter may be pregnant, but there are other "facts of life" she seems to have overlooked. One of them is that the kind of celebrations to which she has become accustomed cost more than you can comfortably afford to spend.

I assume there will be future celebrations in which you will be expected to participate. If that's true, then it's time to explain the obvious to your daughter, her husband and her in-laws: Their style of entertaining is simply out of your budget.

DEAR ABBY: I have a dear friend of more than 30 years who has a bad habit of being extremely nosy. She says it shows she cares about the person. She asks about members of my family she has never met and why they made certain decisions. How can I politely get her to stop? -- NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

DEAR N.O.Y.B: Asking questions may be this woman's way of attempting to prolong a conversation. Tell her you don't know the answers to her intrusive questions, and if she really needs to know the information, she should ask the person herself. (Caution: Do not divulge their phone numbers.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a shareholder in a small firm. The other shareholders do not like me. It's not due to performance or personality issues. It's because they are a cliquey bunch and I don't live in their city. I will be retiring soon. The tradition is to have a retirement dinner complete with speeches. Any speeches from them would be phony. As for me, a speech about the positives of being with the firm would be very, very short. I would prefer not to have a retirement dinner. What should I do? -- SHAREHOLDER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SHAREHOLDER: Tell the other shareholders (nicely) that you know when a shareholder leaves the firm there's traditionally a farewell dinner, but you'd prefer not to have one and simply plan to leave at the end of your final day of employment. Period.