DEAR ABBY: I'm 22, and when I was in my teens, I was sheltered. I was often in trouble for something little. My phone was taken away from me for months, and I wasn't allowed to do anything besides go to school. It caused me to develop social anxiety.

I still live with my controlling mother and go only to work. I have no social life. I want to leave her, get a social life and experience new things, but every time I bring it up to her, she plays the victim and insists she needs me or belittles me and says I need her.

She does things for me as an "act of kindness," but it feels like she does it so I'll need her or it will never get done without her. I don't know how to get out of this situation. What is the best way to handle it? -- SHELTERED IN TEXAS

DEAR SHELTERED: The longer your mother can prevent you from making friends and living a normal life for a person your age, the deeper her emotional dependence on you will become.

Start saving your money until you have enough that you can find a place (with a roommate, if necessary), and then move. Do not ask for permission because your mother will give you a dozen reasons why you should postpone it. If you have other relatives who will guide you through this growth experience, reach out to them.

You weren't being "sheltered" in your teens; your wings were being systematically clipped to prevent you from becoming independent. Taking this step may feel daunting, but for your personal growth, you must find the courage to give it a try.

DEAR ABBY: On my first date with my husband, he told me his first wife was a "fox." I thought, "How would I compete?" We are married now, but he has never told me I was pretty or anything close. He's a great husband, but these things are not in his wheelhouse.

Tonight, I was watching a game show and the winner introduced his "beautiful wife." The woman had a facial deformity, but you could tell he meant what he said. It is hurtful that my husband never sees my inner beauty. We have been married 41 years now. I knew this was how he was when we married. He excuses it by saying this is the way he is. Yet I feel so very let down now. Can you comment? -- UNPRETTY IN KENTUCKY

DEAR UNPRETTY: I'm surprised that after your suitor's remark there was a second, third or fourth date. Why would he feel the need to describe his ex-wife to you? I will assume that in the ensuing 41 years you have told him how sad you are that he hasn't AT LEAST mentioned that he appreciates your inner beauty and finer qualities and how lucky he feels to have you as his wife.

"You knew how he was when you married him" is an excuse for his insensitivity, not an apology. I wish you would have elaborated on what makes him a great husband, because from where I sit, he's insensitive, withholding and not a very nice person.

DEAR READERS: I wish you all a happy and healthy Fourth of July. Please drive carefully and celebrate safely.

P.S. Wishing you a Happy Heavenly Birthday, Mom! -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I am a perpetual planner, unlike my family and friends. I joke that I live and die by my calendar. Like many families, mine constantly goes in different directions for school activities, work trips, doctor's appointments, visits to/from out of town for family, etc.

Our "planned chaos" overwhelms others who live life on a whim. Although I'm busy, I still offer my help, take my child and the neighbor kids to/from school or sporting events, or make the occasional weekend trip out of town for family events while juggling everyday life.

My family and friends say I need to ease up and be more flexible when plans change. I try to be, but often another person's lack of planning greatly impacts my day -- e.g., carpool changes that force me to take conference calls while rushing to and from. Or friends showing up 35 minutes late for a dinner reservation.

I'm told to "relax," but no one seems to see how disrespectful of my time they're being. I try to be mindful of others, but everyone else seems to care only for themselves. What do you think? -- SCHEDULED IN GEORGIA

DEAR SCHEDULED: If sticking to a schedule works for you and your family, I see nothing wrong with it -- as long as you manage to remain gracious when unforeseen things come up. Keeping someone waiting for longer than 20 minutes is rude. (I would wait no more than 30 minutes for late arrivals before leaving.) Also, participating in conference calls while ferrying kids to events may be a safety risk not worth taking because you can't fully concentrate on the road.

Don't be a pushover, but resist the urge to shame others for their lack of calendar excellence. All any of us can do is the best we can when navigating through the demands of each day.

DEAR ABBY: My husband lies to me all the time. It could be about spending money or something as small as forgetting to start the dishwasher. He nearly went too far with a woman from work. I finally spoke up after I felt it was an emotional affair. His response? "Well, you and I weren't getting along, so I didn't see anything wrong with it."

He doesn't seem to be sorry for anything he does. He says the word "sorry" a lot, but there is no remorse. He also lies to the people he works with. I know I enable him because I threaten to leave and never follow through. I have asked him to talk with a counselor, but he refuses.

I'm not sure why I stay because he doesn't act like he wants me to be around. He's obsessed with video games and doesn't act like he respects me. What should I do? Why do I feel I deserve to be treated like this? -- FEELING LIKE MRS. STUPID

DEAR FEELING LIKE: You are asking excellent questions. Although your husband has no interest in getting to the root of his behavior by talking with a licensed psychotherapist, there's no reason why you shouldn't consult one.

Understanding what makes your husband tick isn't nearly as important at this point as understanding your reason for staying with someone like him. Once you do, your life will change for the better.

DEAR ABBY: I am a Hispanic-American woman who has been married to my husband for three years. He was born and raised in North Carolina. He's a wonderful person. We both share a passion for antiques, and we love researching and learning about the past. My husband is white, and he grew up in times of segregation. He feels comfortable sharing and showing stuff from that time.

A year ago, we watched the movie "Green Book" about the travel guide published from 1936 to 1966 for African American travelers to use when discrimination was widespread. After that, he became obsessed about buying a copy of an actual Green Book and, regardless of my concerns, he did.

We recently bought a Victorian house built in 1900 and have been excited about renovating it and keeping it as close as possible to the original style. We have also enjoyed buying antique furniture to recreate that time in our home.

My husband bought an old wall phone and hung the Green Book on it. I expressed to him how uncomfortable this makes me, but he insisted on hanging it in the sitting room. When one of my friends comes over, I try to hide the book, but my husband finds it and hangs it back on the phone.

I wasn't born in America, but I am a naturalized citizen and familiar with the sad period of segregation the book represents. What do you think about this? Am I too sensitive to the issue? Should I just take the book and place it in the trash? -- OFFENDED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR OFFENDED: What is your husband's motivation for having and displaying the book? He may be a wonderful man, but he is insensitive to your feelings. Because you have already told him how uncomfortable it makes you, it is beyond inconsiderate that he would hang the Green Book in your shared sitting room.

Resist the urge to destroy it, but when friends come over and inquire about the book that is so prominently displayed, don't hesitate to tell them -- in plain, unvarnished language -- how you feel about it. You are entitled to your feelings.

DEAR ABBY: I have an ongoing dilemma with my sister. She often plans vacations for us to take together and springs them on me out of the blue. She then pressures me to say yes and becomes impatient when I tell her I need time to think about it.

The thing is, she isn't a great travel companion and I don't enjoy going on vacation with her. I have taken trips with her before. She is finicky and picky, and she often expects me to front the money for expenses. I have limited vacation time, and I'd rather spend it with my significant other and friends who are better travel buddies.

I can't be honest about this with her because she is extremely sensitive and would take it poorly. On the other hand, I feel guilty dodging all her requests for vacations. She doesn't have close friends because her attitude tends to repel others. I want to do the right thing, but I don't want to feel used or guilted. How would you handle this? -- PUT UPON IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PUT UPON: I would handle this by telling her no and following it up with why -- that although you love her as a sister, you do not enjoy having plans sprung on you and demanding an instant answer, fronting the money for expenses and spending time with someone who is finicky and picky. It's the truth, and it may be the wake-up call she needs. Above all, remember that the truth will set you free.