DEAR ABBY: My adult daughter is single and lives alone. She lives five hours away but manages to visit every two months or so. The problem is, when she comes home, we hardly ever see her. She's mostly at her cousin's house. During her most recent visit, we saw her a total of one hour a day the five days she was here -- just enough time for her to come over, change clothes and leave again. She even sleeps there most nights.

I have asked her to spend more time with us, but we just end up arguing. She goes on vacation with them every year, but when I suggest we go on a family vacation, she always says, "I don't have money for that." I love her, but I'm beginning to feel used. Whenever she needs something, I'm the one she calls.

We have always butted heads, but my husband and I are getting older, and he has some health issues. I wish she would spend more time with him. I realize she wants to be with her friends when she's here, but no one travels to her place to see her. She does all the traveling to see them. I would have no problem with friends coming to see her here at the house. Am I being selfish? -- COMING IN SECOND

DEAR SECOND: You are not being selfish. You may, however, be unrealistic. You stated that you and your daughter have always "butted heads," and this is the result. I'm doubtful that you can get the message across to her without her becoming defensive. Your husband and daughter may be overdue for a meaningful conversation about his health and his desire to spend time with her while he can. As for her relationship with you, it seems she has made her feelings quite clear.

DEAR ABBY: Throughout the year, the department in which I work recognizes each employee's birthday with a cake -- except me. I have worked here for two years, and while my supervisor writes my birthday on a calendar that hangs in the front office, each year my birthday has come and gone without even a verbal acknowledgement. I watch as all the other employees in my department have their special day recognized with a cake brought in by the department supervisor.

I'm wondering why I was even asked when my birthday is and why it was written down if no mention is even made of it? My co-workers are all friendly with me, and I have never gotten the impression that I'm not liked, but I can't help but wonder if something I have done has caused this.

If this isn't something that is done for everyone, then it shouldn't be done at all. Am I just being immature because my feelings are hurt by this? Would you say anything in a situation like this? I would appreciate your feedback and advice. -- EXCLUDED IN ALABAMA

DEAR EXCLUDED: This is a question you should ask your supervisor because it likely was an oversight. Or, on your next birthday, bring a cupcake with a candle to the office and enjoy it with your lunch. ("Happy Birthday to ME!") Then highlight it on the calendar.

DEAR ABBY: I have a child with a woman I'll call "Kara," who is now my ex-wife. Our son lives full time with me and my new wife, whom I married three years ago. Kara was diagnosed with schizophrenia five or six years ago, which is what ultimately led to our divorce. She has only recently been able to keep a job despite her condition, which is only being moderately well-managed, but she has a pretty good one now.

Kara spends almost all her money on herself and rarely spends a day with our son without me present. I'm considering asking the court for child support payments, but I worry that because of her mental health issues, she'll end up taking it out on our child.

She's never been a very good parent, largely because of her illness, and she lived with us for almost a year because I didn't have the heart to see her homeless. I don't make a lot of money myself. I've been disabled for quite some time, and the extra income would make a big difference in our son's quality of life.

Am I wrong to request a child support judgment? If Kara loses her job, it could mean jail time, which would be devastating to her, but I don't believe she would comply with an informal request. I could really use some sound advice. -- STRUGGLING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR STRUGGLING: I agree, you do need advice, and the person you should seek it from is an attorney who specializes in family law. From what you have written, Kara appears to be doing the best she can just to get by as are you. You did not mention whether your new wife is employed. If the answer is no, because finances are strapped right now, would she be willing to find a job or part-time work in order to make things easier for your son? If she could, it might relieve some of your stress.

DEAR ABBY: I'm living in my father's home along with my younger sister. I'm currently looking for work so I can move out. My plan had been to look for roommates online, but my sister wants us to get a place together. Everyone else in our life agrees that this would be the best idea. I do not want to do this.

I am honestly afraid of my sister. She has a hair-trigger temper that she keeps in check for other people but will fully unleash on me. I try to have fun with her, and sometimes I do, but I inevitably become the target of her anger for reasons I can never predict. I'm afraid to speak to her for more than a few minutes because she twists almost everything I say into an attack on her, even the most lighthearted things.

She is also careless with my property and has already damaged some of my things. She triggers my anxiety to the point that I can't think straight. I mostly just hide from her. Yet she still insists that we should live together, and is complaining more and more about how my financial situation is preventing her from moving out as soon as she likes.

How on Earth do I approach this? No matter what I say to our family, no one can offer advice, and it seems like no one is on my side. It makes me want to cry. -- BREAKING FREE IN ARIZONA

DEAR BREAKING: Your sister appears to have mental problems that none of the rest of the family wants to acknowledge. Under these circumstances she should absolutely not move in with you. To avoid it, you must grit your teeth, dry your tears and keep saying no.

DEAR ABBY: I am struggling with an invisible illness and losing patience with friends, family and acquaintances. I'm working with doctors to manage my conditions, and I'm tired of all the suggestions and seemingly positive comments I'm hearing, like, "You can do it; just put your mind to it!"

I am seeing a therapist to help with the emotional stress, and even they are trying to armchair diagnose me and question my knowledge of specific vitamins, probiotics and treatments. Some of these folks mean well, but others I suspect are strongly hinting that I'm making it all up.

I'm not even sure what my question is. A polite way to shut people down would be helpful. Please make your readers aware that not every illness is visible. -- STRUGGLING IN THE EAST

DEAR STRUGGLING: If you no longer trust your therapist, it's time to change therapists. A lingering illness can be frustrating and exhausting, and you clearly need someone to vent to about the daily frustrations you are encountering.

The problem many people with hidden illnesses face is one that often happens while using a parking place designated for disabled individuals. If you are questioned about your disability, all you need to say is not all disabilities are visible. Then show them the disabled parking placard from your doctor. As to those well-meaning folks who offer you these pep talks, be polite. Say "thank you" and change the subject.

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced three years. "Rowan," my ex, was the love of my life. He helped me raise my three children from my previous marriage. Unfortunately, Rowan cheated, and it broke my heart.

My problem is my son blames me for the divorce. To say our relationship is stressed would be putting it mildly. Also, I can't seem to get over Rowan. He's all I think about. I miss our family unit. How do I get over him? How do I mend my heart? I have recently tried dating, but no one compares to Rowan. I try to not compare, but I miss him so much, and having a troubled relationship with my son is awful. I need my son back in my life. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. -- HOPELESS IN OHIO

DEAR HOPELESS: You can't undo the past. You divorced Rowan for a valid reason. You may need counseling to move past your heartache and resume your life. Comparing the men you meet with Rowan is unfair to them and unhealthy for you. That marriage is history.

As to your fractured relationship with your son, family counseling might help heal the breach between you. Your therapist can assist you in deciding whether to explain to your son your reason for divorcing Rowan.

DEAR ABBY: When a couple becomes engaged, is it customary or permissible for both parties to wear engagement rings? -- JAMES IN GEORGIA

DEAR JAMES: It isn't common, but if you and your intended would like to do that, no rule says you can't. The choice is yours. Go for it.