DEAR ABBY: I'm a 45-year-old woman who has been dating "Ben" (53) for two years. We have known each other for more than 20. He treats me like a queen. Prior to our dating, he had a girlfriend he used to confide in me about. I was very jealous of her. She knew we were friends, so she made a point of posting lots of pictures of their PDAs on his social media, since we did not follow each other.

Fast-forward two years: Abby, I cannot stop obsessing over her! I think about her constantly and compare myself to her. I stalk her social media page. Ben has never given me a reason not to trust him, so why am I still bothered by her?

She has moved on and is in another relationship. How can I finally quit obsessing about her and move forward? I don't feel this way about his other exes, but for some reason, this one gets under my skin. I don't want him to find out what I have been doing. I really need help. Any advice? -- INSECURE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR INSECURE: In light of the fact that your boyfriend's ex is happily in another relationship, this obsession is really a waste of your time and energy. Although you may still feel threatened, the woman is no longer your competition. Whether your issue is insecurity or lack of self-esteem, it's time to wake up and recognize that Ben chose you over her. If you can't accept that and relax, you may need to discuss it with a licensed psychotherapist for help to stop cyberstalking her. She may be a part of your boyfriend's past, but please do not continue making her part of your present.

DEAR ABBY: We have three grandchildren, and we feel strongly about the importance of a college education. When the first one graduated from high school, we gave him $500 for graduation, plus an additional $1,500 to be used for college-related expenses. He had already indicated that he was enrolling in college.

When the second one graduated, we gave him a $500 graduation gift. Because he had committed to joining the Navy, we assured him that he would also receive $1,500 if and when he enrolled in college. Since then, we have been accused of not respecting his career choice, showing favoritism and other accusations too numerous to list here.

Are we ogres for wanting and encouraging our grandchildren to attend college? We'd like your opinion. -- WELL-MEANING IN THE WEST

DEAR WELL-MEANING: Your mistake has been not taking into consideration that your grandchildren are individuals. Your second grandson is likely to find his career path as part of his military service. One could argue that you are favoring the grandchild who is following the career path you are biased toward, and from that perspective, it does appear you are playing favorites. You may want to rethink what you are doing. Your Navy-bound grandson may have a need for that money at some point.

DEAR ABBY: My narcissistic father feels entitled to do whatever he pleases. He has always insisted that since he makes the money, far more than my mother's income, he should be waited on and cleaned up after. If he stays in my home, he leaves messes everywhere. He's 70, but he acts like a 4-year-old.

He loves attention and will do anything to be the center of it, whether it's wearing a kilt or showing off his intellectual prowess. I have no relationship with him, and I'm OK with that. Mom complains constantly about him, and then defends him. It's emotionally exhausting.

My husband, our kids and I are appalled at his lack of self-awareness, empathy or caring. He makes going on vacation a nightmare. He feels that if he does all the driving, then he's done his part and refuses to help with anything else. He is difficult and manipulative.

He's getting worse as he gets older, and I no longer want to subject my family to this. My mother doesn't seem to understand this. How do I deal with a narcissistic father and a mother who refuses to acknowledge it and constantly makes excuses for him? -- EXASPERATED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR EXASPERATED: One way to deal with it would be to stop taking vacations with them, since the vacations seem to be anything but pleasant for you and your family. Try to avoid him as often as you can. When your mother complains about "Dad," point out that this is the prize she married and you are tired of hearing her complain since she won't assert herself. Then change the subject when she brings it up.

DEAR ABBY: My brother is emerging from a painful two-year-long divorce, during which his two teenage daughters and one grown daughter became estranged from him. His now-ex-wife overshared with them during the divorce and did everything she could to prevent them from seeing him, despite court orders for him to have joint custody, visitation and therapy.

My brother isn't perfect, but he loves his girls and wants them in his life. He's slowly making progress with one of his minor daughters. My problem is his ex has caused them to shun the rest of their paternal relatives. My two sisters (their aunts) and I are pained by the loss of those relationships.

We still reach out at holidays and birthdays with texts, gifts and well wishes, but we receive no response, not even a polite "thank you." Because we stood by our brother during a terrible experience, we are "guilty by association." Should we continue reaching out or leave them alone until they are ready to have a relationship with us again? -- VICTIM OF DIVORCE

DEAR VICTIM: I don't think you should continue sending gifts that go unacknowledged. However, leave the lines of communication open by sending cards to your nieces on appropriate occasions. If you haven't discussed this with your brother, I recommend you do, and take your lead from him.

DEAR ABBY: I married a recovering addict, and for years he did great. We made a lovely home and family together. Then one of my husband's drug buddies (a woman) resurfaced. My husband had an affair, went down that nasty road again and did some very cruel things to destroy our marriage. We have been married 19 years and separated for the last three, with a divorce pending.

My husband now wants to make amends. He's in a rehab program, but I'm reluctant. We have been on a few dates, and I have real concerns about what will happen when we run into the other woman. I asked her at least six times to go away and stay away.

How should I expect him to react when we run into her? She's deeply embedded in his social circle, far more than I ever was because I don't care for the debauchery lifestyle. He promises he has cut ties with everyone in that circle. But I know it's only a matter of time until we run into her. -- ANGRY AND HURT IN GEORGIA

DEAR ANGRY: You are rightfully hurt and angry, but if reconciling is going to work out well, it's important you're assured that he isn't still carrying a torch for her. You would be wise (and less confrontational) if you ask your almost-ex-husband how he plans to react should he encounter her, rather than dictate how he should do it. He's in rehab and trying to rebuild his life after the mess he made of it. I see no reason to create a scene if your paths cross. A courteous hello and goodbye should suffice.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 57-year-old male. I have no children, and I was forced to move back in with my mother to start my life over again. I divorced my wife because she was cheating.

I have a cousin from Alabama who is 30. I love her dearly. She's my favorite cousin, and I have begun having feelings for her. I think it may be my body's way of telling me it wants to procreate and leave a legacy. I feel guilty about these thoughts and feelings. In my heart, I believe they are shameful. These thoughts are something I must take to my grave and never act upon. But the urge is growing stronger and it's becoming a losing battle.

Telling her (or anyone else in my family) my true feelings would be a terrible thing for me to do. Can you please help me rid myself of these feelings for her? I will take any advice into consideration. -- ASHAMED IN TENNESSEE

DEAR ASHAMED: In some (not all) states, marriage between cousins is legal. Tennessee and Alabama happen to be two of them. Your cousin may be 27 years younger, but at 30, she's a grown woman. Do you have any indication of whether your feelings are reciprocated? Sometimes the feelings we suppress only make them grow stronger. A way to resolve this would be to express them.

If your cousin doesn't share your affection, bear in mind that all women are not cheaters, as your wife was, and start to build a new life while you look for a suitable companion in your community.