DEAR ABBY: I married a recovering addict, and for years he did great. We made a lovely home and family together. Then one of my husband's drug buddies (a woman) resurfaced. My husband had an affair, went down that nasty road again and did some very cruel things to destroy our marriage. We have been married 19 years and separated for the last three, with a divorce pending.

My husband now wants to make amends. He's in a rehab program, but I'm reluctant. We have been on a few dates, and I have real concerns about what will happen when we run into the other woman. I asked her at least six times to go away and stay away.

How should I expect him to react when we run into her? She's deeply embedded in his social circle, far more than I ever was because I don't care for the debauchery lifestyle. He promises he has cut ties with everyone in that circle. But I know it's only a matter of time until we run into her. -- ANGRY AND HURT IN GEORGIA

DEAR ANGRY: You are rightfully hurt and angry, but if reconciling is going to work out well, it's important you're assured that he isn't still carrying a torch for her. You would be wise (and less confrontational) if you ask your almost-ex-husband how he plans to react should he encounter her, rather than dictate how he should do it. He's in rehab and trying to rebuild his life after the mess he made of it. I see no reason to create a scene if your paths cross. A courteous hello and goodbye should suffice.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 57-year-old male. I have no children, and I was forced to move back in with my mother to start my life over again. I divorced my wife because she was cheating.

I have a cousin from Alabama who is 30. I love her dearly. She's my favorite cousin, and I have begun having feelings for her. I think it may be my body's way of telling me it wants to procreate and leave a legacy. I feel guilty about these thoughts and feelings. In my heart, I believe they are shameful. These thoughts are something I must take to my grave and never act upon. But the urge is growing stronger and it's becoming a losing battle.

Telling her (or anyone else in my family) my true feelings would be a terrible thing for me to do. Can you please help me rid myself of these feelings for her? I will take any advice into consideration. -- ASHAMED IN TENNESSEE

DEAR ASHAMED: In some (not all) states, marriage between cousins is legal. Tennessee and Alabama happen to be two of them. Your cousin may be 27 years younger, but at 30, she's a grown woman. Do you have any indication of whether your feelings are reciprocated? Sometimes the feelings we suppress only make them grow stronger. A way to resolve this would be to express them.

If your cousin doesn't share your affection, bear in mind that all women are not cheaters, as your wife was, and start to build a new life while you look for a suitable companion in your community.

DEAR ABBY: I struggled for years with vomiting and nausea, as well as other digestive issues I dismissed as having a "sensitive stomach." When my fiance, "Marc," and I started dating, he urged me to find out the cause of my issues. Six months ago, I was diagnosed with celiac disease, an autoimmune disorder that is managed through a gluten-free diet.

Marc has been incredibly supportive, and our kitchen is mostly gluten-free. I can get fairly sick, so we are pretty careful. There's just one issue: I can get cross-contaminated if he kisses me after eating gluten, and he does eat gluten quite often. It can be resolved if he brushes his teeth thoroughly, but he brushes his teeth only every two or three days.

Marc is a grown man, and while we've discussed it briefly from a health standpoint, I don't want to be responsible for managing his oral hygiene. That needs to be his responsibility. I don't know where to draw the line, though, without being controlling. Is it reasonable to expect my fiance to brush his teeth after eating gluten? Or every morning and evening? Or must I just accept that I won't be able to kiss him except on rare occasions? -- BAD KISS IN KANSAS

DEAR BAD KISS: If kissing your fiance causes you to have episodes of nausea and vomiting (as well as other digestive issues), out of respect for your welfare, your fiance should be willing, if not eager, to modify his snacking habits. Insisting that he do what dental health professionals have urged as far back as I can remember is not "controlling" -- it is protecting your health and his. SPEAK UP!

DEAR ABBY: My cousin is refusing to allow me to see my aunt ("Betty"). After a horrible 2020, during which my cousin lost her husband to cancer and the lockdown occurred that kept most people isolated, my cousin still guards her mom beyond reason. I have asked repeatedly if we could meet in person at an outside location and offered to wear a mask, but she refuses.

My cousin said in a text that she's in charge of her mom's schedule. Her reasons when we speak are the loss of her husband, grief and fear. My aunt is visited often by her grandkids, who live regular lives exposed to the many elements out there, and my cousin works in an industry where she's exposed to many people.

My aunt is in her late 80s, and I'm afraid the next time I see her will be in her casket. After losing several people close to me these past few years, it is obvious to me that life is short and we have no idea when our time will end. When my father died, Aunt Betty and her husband were very kind to me. I have always adored her.

It makes me sad and sometimes angry that my cousin is doing this. I think she's being selfish. Should I say anything to her or just let it be? -- MISSING MY AUNT OUT WEST

DEAR MISSING: By all means, have that conversation with your cousin. Because she has a career that exposes her to strangers who could transmit a contagious disease, and she allows the grandkids to visit, her reasons for not allowing you to see your aunt make no sense.

What does make sense is that she may have other reasons for preventing you from being involved with her mother. What they may be, only she can answer.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 32-year-old woman. My 20s were spent in a serious long-term relationship. It was a lot of firsts for me. After we split, I took a couple of years to sow my wild oats and find out who I am as an individual.

I'm now looking for something more than "friends with benefits." However, the last few men I've met and gone on dates with, as wholesome as they seemed on dating sites (which have been my main source of meeting men), were really just looking for hookups. I want to find a life partner.

I have been chatting with a potentially great guy I met online, and we have a date scheduled. But I'm nervous that when we meet that he'll expect more than a date. I'm over that. Like I said, I want an actual relationship.

Can you give me some advice on what to do and say, or not, on a first or second date to help move it in the right direction without scaring the guy away? -- PROCEEDING WITH CAUTION

DEAR PROCEEDING: Your dating profile should clearly state what you are looking for, including the fact that you are seeking a relationship and not a hookup. When you meet in person, relax and just be yourself. Show initiative by asking questions, getting answers, explaining how important honesty is to you and being interested in what he has to say. If you are hit on after that, rather than try to meet someone on the internet, put out the word among your friends, family and co-workers that you would like to meet someone nice with whom you could possibly build a future. Then pray.

DEAR ABBY: Our son and his wife are professionals who reap the financial benefits of their chosen fields. Our daughter-in-law goes to her workplace most days, while our son works from home. As such, he is tasked with much of the cleaning, shopping and cooking. Our DIL has a large cadre of college friends and she's often away to sunny, exotic locales, posting pictures of herself along with others, all holding drinks in their hands.

Recently, she went on a trip with her "best friend," a gay man, posting poolside, restaurant and bar photos with both wearing big smiles. Meanwhile, our son is home working and taking care of their pets. This arrangement may work for them, but it doesn't sit well with us. Frankly, despite his insistence that things are fine, we are not convinced.

They are both in their prime reproductive years and, while they have no children yet, our DIL's mother recently moved nearby. My spouse and I realize that it is "their lives," but we remain concerned and confused about the viability of their relationship. Your insights would be most appreciated. -- DAD OF GREAT GUY IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR DAD: I'm sorry the dream you had of your son's marriage has not come to fruition. Comfort yourself with the thought that whatever their arrangement may be, it is working for them. Apart from that, MYOB and resist the urge to stir the pot, or risk creating turmoil and unhappiness where there isn't any.