DEAR ABBY: A couple moved next door several years ago. My wife and I were welcoming and did some socializing with them (dinners, festivals, parties). We soon realized that we have little in common with them. When we're together, the conversation is so difficult it is exhausting. They are nice people, but we no longer enjoy doing things with them. The problem is, how do we make this clear to them? We have declined numerous invitations and offers to spend time together, but they are persistent. They have many other friends and contacts, so loneliness isn't the issue. How can we get the message across without being rude? We are running out of excuses. -- OUT OF EXCUSES IN THE SOUTH

DEAR OUT OF EXCUSES: There is no polite way to tell people you don't enjoy being with them. However, folks today have compelling obligations, full schedules; they develop new interests and juggle busy social lives. This is a fact of life. Because these neighbors have many other friends and contacts, they will find a way to fill their time if you continue being "busy."

DEAR ABBY: I am 20 years old and dating a Marine. I work at a hospital, and I also have a part-time job. I recently rented an apartment near where my boyfriend is staying, and I'm busting my butt to be independent. My boyfriend struggles because he's got a lot going on as well and doesn't earn that much money. I'm the breadwinner right now and, honestly, I'm just tired. I work way too hard, and I'm really stressed. Life is hard, and I genuinely feel like I can't catch a break. Any advice? -- OVERWHELMED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR OVERWHELMED: This is the life you have chosen, and you are doing all you can. Carrying so much stress is bad for your emotional and physical health. Your boyfriend may not be making much money now, but he isn't broke. It may be time to step back and review your finances and his, and whether you should continue to be the breadwinner. Things may get easier as your boyfriend gains rank and more seniority in the military.

DEAR ABBY: Whenever I see strangers, especially my age -- in their 30s -- toss gum wrappers and food and beverage containers on the ground, I have conflicted feelings. I want to approach them and say something like, "Did you just throw that on the ground? Is that how you were raised -- to expect others to pick up after you?" Then I imagine the dirty looks I would get, or worse, and it escalating into an argument. I care about the environment and the community I live in. It saddens me that people don't have similar respect or concern about the future of the environment. Do you have any ideas on how to succinctly tell people to stop littering without it appearing as if I am telling them off? -- CARING CITIZEN IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CARING CITIZEN: That some individuals have so little respect for the environment and their neighbors is disappointing. If you carry out your fantasy, it will almost certainly spark an angry and defensive reaction. If it would give you some sense of satisfaction, consider picking up the litter yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I am tattooed. I have 11 spread over my body. I grew up with strict rules. My mom always said no piercings (other than ears) or tattoos while I was under her roof. I got my first tattoo at 22 while away at college. I had to tell her about it because of a family beach vacation. She was disappointed. I have continued to get inked throughout my life. Every time she noticed a new tat, she voiced a negative opinion.

We live in different states now, so the subject of my tattoos hasn't come up lately. A year ago, she was here to visit and didn't say one word about my ink. I'm planning to have more work done this summer and I'm afraid that when she visits, she'll be critical of me again, even though I'm 32, have an above-minimum-wage job, and my husband and I own our own home. What can I do or say to get her to keep her comments at bay? -- TATTED IN INDIANA

DEAR TATTED: What you say to your mother is, "You know I love you, Mom. Thank you for the beautiful body you gave me. I'm sorry you are disappointed with what I have done with it, but in the future please keep your negative comments to yourself because they are hurtful."

DEAR ABBY: I'm engaged to marry the love of my life. We've known each other since we were school-age (we are now 50). It will be a second marriage for both of us. He is unaware that I have access to his Facebook account and can see that he looks up his ex about once a week. They have been divorced for three years. It bothers me, but I'm hesitant to say anything because I would have to reveal how I know. I absolutely know he loves me and is in love with me. What do I do? -- PERTURBED IN TEXAS

DEAR PERTURBED: I can understand why you are bothered. Successful relationships -- marriages in particular -- are built on trust and honest communication, both of which appear to be absent in this love story. If you "absolutely know" your fiance loves you, why have you been monitoring his online activities? I think it's time for full disclosure. Tell him why you felt the need to snoop on him and ask him why he feels the need to check on what his ex is doing. It could be simple curiosity, but if it's more than that, you are entitled to know.

DEAR ABBY: Oftentimes, we like to pay our restaurant check with cash. So our server won't mistake our intention, we place the money inside the folder with the ends of the cash exposed. More often than not, when the server picks up the folder she or he will say: "Do you need change?" We think asking this question is tacky, and we would prefer something like: "I'll be right back with your change." My Scottish heritage wants to say: "Every penny!" but good manners prevents that. In some instances, we do leave a tip added on to the bill and don't want change -- in which case we say: "No thank you, the change is yours." What is your response when the server says: "Do you need any change?" -- ASSUMING IN ARIZONA

DEAR ASSUMING: My response would be to smile and say, "Yes, please," if I didn't want my server to keep it, which is rare.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a gay man. My husband and I have been together almost nine years, married less than one. Seven years ago, my mother-in-law decided I was no longer "allowed" to speak to her or her family. When my husband asked her why, she was unable to give him a clear answer but insists it has nothing to do with us being gay. Anytime my husband mentions my name or the life we have together, she changes the subject. I offered to write her a letter, but my husband doesn't think it would be a good idea. He used to be close to his family, but with each passing year the relationship becomes more strained.

My mother-in-law followed a similar pattern when my brother-in-law married his wife. When they had their first child, my MIL's behavior did a 180 and she welcomed them into the family. Now that we're married, my husband and I have begun the process of adopting from the foster care system. I assume my in-laws will want a relationship with their grandchildren, but I don't know if I can let go of how they've treated us. The strain has been especially tough on my husband. At times, it almost broke us up. I would value a relationship with my in-laws, but as things stand, I wouldn't want them around our future children. What can we do to improve this relationship before kids come into our lives? -- ISSUES WITH THE IN-LAWS

DEAR ISSUES: There may be nothing you and your husband can do. When her children fell in love and married, your MIL may on some level have felt abandoned and felt the need to punish. That she came around when your sister-in-law's baby entered the picture is admirable. It's possible she relented because she recognized that if she didn't, she'd be unable to have anything to do with her grandchild. That said, do not assume she will mellow if you and her son successfully adopt. It seems the only predictable thing about the woman is her unpredictability.

DEAR ABBY: At a party recently, I met the 20-something daughter of a friend of mine. The daughter is friendly, intelligent and very nice. I told my available 20-something son about my friend's daughter and offered to get her number from my friend, the mom. I said he could call the daughter if he was interested. I only suggested this to him. He was outraged and insisted it was weird for his mother to "fix him up." He concluded: "Ask Dear Abby!" so I'm asking. Was it weird for me to ask my friend about her daughter's availability and pass along her phone number? He can call or not and, if he does, the two of them can determine if they want to meet. What say you? Thanks! -- CALIFORNIA MOM

DEAR CALIFORNIA MOM: Weird? Heck, no. In some circles what you did is how matches are made. Thousands (maybe millions) of other mothers have done the same thing. Too bad your son reacted so negatively. Even if they weren't romantically interested, they might have become friends. You can never have enough of those.