DEAR ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend for 11 years. In all this time he has never once asked me if I'm OK whenever I have gotten hurt. I got used to it, you might say. Well, I recently lost the ability to walk, and ended up in a nursing home for rehabilitation. My boyfriend would come to visit, but would never ask about progress. Furthermore, when I would show him my progress he wouldn't act happy.

Now I'm home, and he treats me like garbage. I don't know why. When I brought it up, he said he doesn't know why. Should I end this relationship so I can find someone who's supportive and who will help me get back to 100%? Or should I stay and work on this relationship? I'm less and less happy every day. -- HURTING IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR HURTING: Your boyfriend of 11 years is not a nurturer. That he doesn't ask if you are hurt or injured shows he lacks empathy. If I had to hazard a guess, I would opine that he treats you like garbage now because he's mad at you for needing his help and support. No amount of working on this will fix what's missing in his character. Unless you want to be treated like this for the rest of your life, get rid of him.

DEAR ABBY: I have a co-worker I share an office with. We are cordial, but not friends. The problem is she chews gum most of the day with her mouth open, and occasionally pops it. The noises she makes are extremely disturbing and they disgust me. I have taken to wearing headphones and listening to music as often as possible to tune out her noises, but it feels a bit rude and isn't practical for all day. I'm on the verge of snapping at her. Is there a kind way I can alert her of the problem without disrupting our working relationship? -- ABOUT TO POP OFF

DEAR POP: Have a congenial chat with this co-worker and ask her to let you know when she's going to pop in a piece of gum so you can pop on your headphones. It beats popping your cork in frustration.

DEAR ABBY: I'm friends with a man in his late 70s, 20 years my senior. I'm concerned about his mobility. He's an independent spirit who lives alone. Lately, I have noticed his strength and balance are diminished, and I know falls are serious for seniors. I have shared my worries with him, but he's proud and won't change his habits. Can you recommend a way I can talk to him constructively about my concerns? -- YOUNGER GUY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR YOUNGER GUY: You have already tried discussing this with your friend. You might be able to get through to him if you TELL him you have noticed his balance issues, and that there is help for them IF he tells his doctor what's been happening. A physical therapist may be able to help him remedy his problem, but only if he asks.

DEAR ABBY: My 20-year-old niece, "Andrea," came to visit her grandmother wearing a nose stud. Andrea is quiet, is polite to her grandparents and aunt and is in her third year of college. Her grandmother is livid at her daughter for "allowing" the girl to do this. (It appears Andrea may be trying to rebel at this age.) Her grandmother is footing the bill for her college.

Who can help the grandmother to get her granddaughter to stop this behavior, and how? Andrea has never done anything like this before, and this is not like her. Her friends don't look or act like Goths or punks. This is so out of character. She earns good grades, and she is usually a quiet girl who never speaks to anyone other than her mom or brothers. Please advise. -- TAKEN ABACK IN NEW YORK

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: You keep referring to your niece as a "girl." Allow me to enlighten you: This "girl" is a young woman. If Granny has a bone to pick with Andrea about her choice of jewelry, she should discuss it with her instead of railing against her fashion choice behind her back. From my perspective, this is a tempest in a teapot. Let it blow over.

DEAR ABBY: I have two daughters, ages 29 and 24. Both are married and on their own. Recently, there was an issue between them. I always try to remain neutral in these situations because I love my girls equally.

The older one is hurt and angry and has every right to feel that way. She doesn't want to even look at her sister at this point, and I completely understand. (By the way, this has nothing to do with a man; both are happily married.) The younger one is embarrassed and ashamed and doesn't want to face her sister right now. Again, I understand.

On holidays and special occasions, I always cook a huge meal, and the girls come to my house. How do I handle this? I refuse to cook separate dinners or choose which one I eat my meal with. -- CHALLENGED MOM IN TENNESSEE

DEAR MOM: Tell your younger daughter that regardless of her "embarrassment," it's time to offer her sister a sincere apology. Then explain that you have no intention of having holidays and special occasions ruined because of what she did and you want things patched up before those events start happening. Period. After that, proceed as usual and let the girls work things out between themselves.

TO MY READERS: Happy St. Patrick's Day:

May there always be work for your hands to do.

May your purse always hold a coin or two.

May the sun always shine on your windowpane.

May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain.

May the hand of a friend always be near you.

May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I have a colleague who has become an amazing friend over the last few years. We plan dinner dates or work conferences periodically, and we also try to book spa appointments together when we have vacation time.

"Sandy" is everything a person would want in a friend. However, when we go out to eat, she usually insists on paying for my meal. She has also prepaid some of my spa appointments. When this pattern first started, I was a little put off, but I appreciated her generosity -- maybe a little selfishly -- because it saved me money. But now I feel constantly indebted to her because I can never seem to return the favor.

When I insist on paying for myself, we argue and bicker. Sandy says she wants to show her appreciation for my partnership at work. She also explains that I have children (who are assumedly expensive) whereas she is childless. She justifies it by rationalizing that her husband makes an impressive salary. They are comfortable, but not extravagantly wealthy.

Lately, I have come to resent the situation because I don't want to feel like a charity case. Not only am I more than able to pay for myself, I also don't want to feel limited when ordering food. Knowing she's going to foot the bill makes me reluctant to order the food or beverage of my choosing.

How do I approach this without tarnishing our professional work relationship and the friendship we have built? Is this the altruism of a selfless person and my ego getting in the way? Or is there a deeper motive I haven't considered? -- TREATED TOO WELL

DEAR TREATED: I am going to assume that you have already communicated to Sandy that this dynamic makes you uncomfortable, and why. If you haven't, do it now. She may be the soul of generosity, but some people use money as a means to control or dominate others. Not knowing Sandy, I can't guess what motivates her, but clearly the two of you should be able to have a mature conversation without anyone becoming defensive.

DEAR ABBY: My niece's mother-in-law of 32 years, "Helen," died seven months ago. I have been quietly seeing her widowed husband, "Wayne," for about three months now. We knew each other only socially up until then. After Helen's death, my niece, her husband and their children went on vacation because Helen's illness had been a long, drawn-out ordeal. I was tasked with giving Wayne a nightly call to check on him, which I did. We realized we had a lot in common and, as they say, the rest is history.

The problem is telling his children and grandchildren. He and Helen were married 59 years but didn't have a happy marriage for the last 23. Should we tell them or continue keeping it a secret? -- UNEXPECTED LOVE IN THE EAST

DEAR UNEXPECTED: Although you have no reason to be sneaking around, in my opinion you should stay quiet for another few months -- until it has been a year since Helen's passing. At that point, Wayne should tell the niece and other relatives that he thinks you have a lot in common and you are going to see each other. In a perfect world, everyone would be glad that the two of you are finding happiness after so much sadness.