DEAR ABBY: I have a colleague who has become an amazing friend over the last few years. We plan dinner dates or work conferences periodically, and we also try to book spa appointments together when we have vacation time.

"Sandy" is everything a person would want in a friend. However, when we go out to eat, she usually insists on paying for my meal. She has also prepaid some of my spa appointments. When this pattern first started, I was a little put off, but I appreciated her generosity -- maybe a little selfishly -- because it saved me money. But now I feel constantly indebted to her because I can never seem to return the favor.

When I insist on paying for myself, we argue and bicker. Sandy says she wants to show her appreciation for my partnership at work. She also explains that I have children (who are assumedly expensive) whereas she is childless. She justifies it by rationalizing that her husband makes an impressive salary. They are comfortable, but not extravagantly wealthy.

Lately, I have come to resent the situation because I don't want to feel like a charity case. Not only am I more than able to pay for myself, I also don't want to feel limited when ordering food. Knowing she's going to foot the bill makes me reluctant to order the food or beverage of my choosing.

How do I approach this without tarnishing our professional work relationship and the friendship we have built? Is this the altruism of a selfless person and my ego getting in the way? Or is there a deeper motive I haven't considered? -- TREATED TOO WELL

DEAR TREATED: I am going to assume that you have already communicated to Sandy that this dynamic makes you uncomfortable, and why. If you haven't, do it now. She may be the soul of generosity, but some people use money as a means to control or dominate others. Not knowing Sandy, I can't guess what motivates her, but clearly the two of you should be able to have a mature conversation without anyone becoming defensive.

DEAR ABBY: My niece's mother-in-law of 32 years, "Helen," died seven months ago. I have been quietly seeing her widowed husband, "Wayne," for about three months now. We knew each other only socially up until then. After Helen's death, my niece, her husband and their children went on vacation because Helen's illness had been a long, drawn-out ordeal. I was tasked with giving Wayne a nightly call to check on him, which I did. We realized we had a lot in common and, as they say, the rest is history.

The problem is telling his children and grandchildren. He and Helen were married 59 years but didn't have a happy marriage for the last 23. Should we tell them or continue keeping it a secret? -- UNEXPECTED LOVE IN THE EAST

DEAR UNEXPECTED: Although you have no reason to be sneaking around, in my opinion you should stay quiet for another few months -- until it has been a year since Helen's passing. At that point, Wayne should tell the niece and other relatives that he thinks you have a lot in common and you are going to see each other. In a perfect world, everyone would be glad that the two of you are finding happiness after so much sadness.

DEAR ABBY: While shopping at the mall, I have seen too many stressed-out parents ignore or yell at their children. It certainly isn't helpful. It isn't how I was raised or how I raised mine. Years ago, I saw a poem in your column that addressed the ramifications of bad parenting versus good parenting. From what I've been seeing, you should print it again. Many parents who should read it won't see themselves in it, but it could help the ones who do. Its message is so important. Thank you. -- JANET F. IN MINNESOTA

DEAR JANET: I know the poem you are referring to and I agree it sends an important message for parents. It's one of many profound poems and essays included in my "Keepers" booklet, which was compiled because so many readers requested reprints of their favorites. Read on:

CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE by Dorothy Law Nolte

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn

If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight

If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy

If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty

If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient

If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence

If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate

If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice

If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith

If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.

This is just one of the poems, essays and letters that appear in the Keepers booklet. Some are witty, others are philosophical.

The topics include children, animals, aging, parenting, death and forgiveness. It can be ordered by sending your name and address plus a check or money order (U.S. funds) for $8 to Dear Abby Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

Filled with down-to-earth nuggets of wisdom, it's a quick, easy read and an inexpensive gift for newlyweds, pet lovers, new parents or anyone recovering from an illness because it covers a wide variety of subjects.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating outside my marriage. My husband doesn't know. It's nothing serious -- just dinner, drinks and dancing. All the men have been single. I would never go out with a married man. All of them have respected my boundaries. I don't want to be unfaithful to my husband; I'm just having a little fun. Do you think a little goodnight kiss would be OK, to show my appreciation? -- SLIGHTLY NAUGHTY IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR SLIGHTLY NAUGHTY: No, I do not. A goodnight kiss would be no more appropriate than dating on the sly has been. A better solution would be for you to teach your husband to dance.

DEAR ABBY: A dear friend, "Lorraine," contacted me because her daughter "Gabby" came out to her as bisexual and Lorraine knew I had experience with "this type of thing." My daughter is bisexual.

Lorraine was repulsed by her daughter's revelation and upset that Gabby expected her to be supportive and wear pride stickers, etc. My friend didn't understand why she needed to be proud, and she told Gabby that even if she were a murderer she would still love her, and that was all that was important. I'm mortified and unsure how to handle this.

We fly my daughter's flag outside her window. We wear pride gear and celebrate Pride Month with her. I tried explaining to Lorraine that we are supporting our daughter's courage to come out and be comfortable and proud of who she is. When I said it, Lorraine snorted! Although we have been friends for many years, I never realized she felt this way.

I'm struggling with whether to break ties with her or continue trying to help her understand, love and support her daughter. Hearing the hate in her voice is extremely upsetting for me when we talk, but I hang onto a sliver of hope I can change her mind about this. Am I crazy to think that? -- CONFLICTED FRIEND IN FLORIDA

DEAR FRIEND: Whether you should maintain the relationship with Lorraine may depend upon how long she has known about Gabby's sexual orientation. If the news is fresh and Lorraine has led a sheltered life, she may be shocked and dismayed by the revelation. That said, the conversation you had with her can only have been painful and insulting for you. You must care for the woman a lot, because a lesser person would have hung up on her. If you feel there is hope, keep trying to enlighten your friend. It may have an impact. However, if it doesn't, draw the line.

DEAR ABBY: I am a young woman under 30 with three children. I have been married for five years. I just graduated from college. I have no direction (at least, don't think I do) of where I am going. I feel like a scared little bee in a room full of bears. All I know is I want to make an impact on my family and go forward, breaking generations that never graduated from college.

I look at some people who have the same degree I do, and they're working at discount department stores. It motivates me to buck that trend, but I don't know where to start. What would you do, Abby? -- MOTIVATED IN MARYLAND

DEAR MOTIVATED: If there is a career counseling service at the college from which you graduated, start there. Ask how you can apply the degree you earned in a way that will benefit your family. Because so many others have this same college degree, inquire about whether you need to work on a master's degree to gain employment in your field. Then get your husband on board, because you will need child care and financial help to achieve your goal. Check online for job resources and consider finding a temp job to help with family finances in the meantime.