DEAR ABBY: I am a man who has been wearing lingerie for the past few decades. I discovered my love of panties when I slipped into my first pair at 17. At 22, I discovered the fun and sexiness of bras and other lingerie, and I wear them under my men's clothing.

I have gone through periods of love and alternating shame for being an "underdresser." I have confided this to a few women in my life and received mixed responses. Some were appalled; others were OK with it. My wife is in the first category. I told her while we were dating and modeled some for her. She thought it was "weird."

I tried, for her sake, to repress my desire to wear lingerie, but it has returned recently. I have been buying panties, bras and other items and wear them only at work or when I'm alone. I have found some solace in finally opening up to the women at the lingerie stores that what I am buying is for me, and I delight in the fact that they are accepting and help me find items I might like.

How do I approach this subject with my wife again and ask if she's open to me wearing lingerie and more often? -- LIVING IN LINGERIE

DEAR LIVING: You have already discussed this with your wife, and she has made her feelings known. Do not expect her to have become more understanding on the subject of "underdressing." You are not the only straight man who finds this practice to be pleasurable. Because this is something you really feel compelled to do, go online to research groups for cross-dressers in your area and join one.

DEAR ABBY: I am in love with my best friend, "Mitch." He's a father of three great girls. He works hard but can't handle his finances. His brother has to do it for him or nothing would get paid and his daughters wouldn't get what they need. Mitch has ADHD. He can't settle down.

We tried dating, but he cheated on me. We didn't talk for months, and then started talking again and things are good, even in the bedroom. But some days, he clams up and won't talk to me at all. Then, when he wants something, he will call me. Mitch wanted a 55-inch TV, so I got it for him. Then he wanted the new Xbox which, again, I bought. He makes twice as much as I do. Last week, he took off to see a girl and lied to me about it, saying he was "working out of town."

Mitch is coming home this weekend and wants to see me. I know what he wants -- sex. Yes, the sex is great, but I think he is using me. He's 38; I'm 43. When we are together, we are good, but then he turns cold and doesn't talk to me for days. What do you think? -- USED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR USED: Please reread your letter a few times. If you continue to see Mitch, hoping he will change, you are lost in a fantasy. The person you describe is dishonest, and he's using and milking you for everything he can get. Once you shut your wallet and cross your legs, he will disappear. Count on that. Please, for your own sake, make it soon.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is 6 feet, 6 inches tall. My 19-year-old son is taller, at 6 feet, 7 inches. They loathe being asked how tall they are. There are times when they are proud of their height and others when they have felt self-conscious because it can be uncomfortable to "tower" over others.

Often, the question is asked in a tone that conveys the person perceives them as some kind of "freak of nature." They have been told they "must have been really well-fed growing up," or the commenters are "so glad they never had to pay THEIR food bills." And, of course, the assumption is that they played basketball -- which they both did. But imagine if they didn't or hated the game.

They have had it with these insensitive, intrusive comments. While I, someone of average height, think a commenter may just be trying to make conversation -- and height is a respected attribute -- it's nonetheless offensive. My son or husband would never ask anyone in retort, "How short are you?" or "How much do you weigh?"

Why do people think that questions about how tall someone is don't fall into the same category? What's an appropriate response when the person asking makes you out to be some kind of freak? -- TALL PERSON SYMPATHIZER

DEAR SYMPATHIZER: Sometimes people, without intending to be rude, blurt out the first thing that comes into their heads, and height is hard to miss. This isn't the first time I have been told that some tall individuals are self-conscious about it.

A social group called Tall Clubs International was formed many years ago so they could socialize without feeling self-conscious. (Today's generations are taller by several inches than they were 100 years ago, and tourists visiting European museums have been shocked at the diminutive size of the suits of armor.)

While all of us can have a bad day, I think the best way for your son and your husband to handle these questions would be to hang onto their sense of humor and answer them honestly.

DEAR ABBY: My man and I have been together for two years. He has his own place, and I have mine. We really enjoy each other's company. I have a 13-year-old daughter. The issue is, we haven't been out on a real date since we've been together. (I understand that the pandemic had an impact on this.) I feel, at some point, something's got to give. I have mentioned it to him a few times already. What's a woman like me to do? -- HOMEBOUND IN UPSTATE NEW YORK

DEAR HOMEBOUND: If you want a mate who is a self-starter, this person isn't it. A woman "like you" should make the plans, tell her man where they are going and what they'll be doing and what time to pick her up for that date. If, after two years of expressing what you would like, your message still hasn't gotten through, please understand this will probably be the pattern for the rest of your relationship.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married more than 30 years. In the last five, I have had so many doctor appointments, medical procedures and surgeries that I have lost count. My husband thinks it is perfectly fine to tell family, friends and strangers about my medical conditions, tests and surgeries.

I asked a friend if she would pray for an upcoming test. She said she would, and would continue to pray until I told her otherwise. I had the test; the results were great. My husband told my friend the results without first asking me if it was OK. I realized it when she said, "Your husband told me the good news."

Now, Abby, I understand it was good news but, in my opinion, it was my medical information and I had planned to tell her the next time I saw her, which was three days after the test. My husband thinks it's "no big deal" to tell people about what's going on with me medically. I disagree! I believe it's personal and nobody's business.

I have asked, even begged, my husband not to tell anyone about my medical stuff. I went so far as to go to two appointments without telling him. He was furious that I didn't let him come along. I told him why he was left behind, but he still didn't get it, or maybe, didn't think my feelings were important. Am I being too sensitive or should he keep his mouth shut? -- VIOLATED IN ARKANSAS

DEAR VIOLATED: Your oversharing husband should respect your feelings and keep his mouth shut. You shouldn't have had to beg him not to discuss your medical information with others. Would he be equally open to your telling folks about the state of his prostate, his Viagra consumption, his colonoscopy preps? Perhaps he will get the message if you start giving him a dose of his own medicine. It's worth a try.

DEAR ABBY: I decided to get my daughter a birthday gift that would help her to relax. She is a nurse. Because she worked so hard through the pandemic, I thought a massage would be a good idea. I enlisted the help of her daughter and boyfriend to help pay for it. I work part-time and couldn't manage it without their help.

I chose the business after reviewing it online and fronted the money to get a certificate in time for her birthday. More than a month has gone by, and I still haven't received their share of the money from my granddaughter or her boyfriend. In fact, I'm now being ghosted after texting requests for what's owed.

I'm not sure what to do. I'm considering dropping it so my daughter doesn't find out. But I'm angry about getting hurt in this way. Both parties work. I don't understand the treatment I'm getting. Please advise. -- DISAPPOINTED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: You may have to chalk this up to a life lesson. You have learned that your granddaughter and her boyfriend (who I assume are self-supporting) can't be trusted to honor their word. I do not think you should tattle to your daughter about this. The distress it could cause would be counterproductive to the intent of your gift.